↳ 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔 ༉‧₊
[ jongin plot pt. 5]
cw: talking about physical abuse, violence, fighting, talking about killing dad again
The words Irene said to Jongin replay in his head, a lot running through his mind as they drive to the pack house. He knows he should be annoyed, he knows Channie is annoyed, angry really, but he also knows that he never would have dealt with this. Ever.
“You would have dealt with it when you wanted to.” Channie grumbles under his breath as if he could read Jongin’s thoughts. “She had no right!”
This had been made clear. Even if what she says is true, she had no right to make that decision for him, he would have taken the consequences, been able to live without knowing… anything to just have been able to bury this deep and never think about it again.
Even if it is all he thinks about.
Sighing, Jongin pulls over before they reach the pack house, burying his head in his hands as he tries to calm himself down. The way he didn't want to go through this, he didn't want to have to close the chapter and move on because he didn't want to deal with it but he had to now. He had to. To fully be able to live his life with Channie without the thought of this coming to haunt him - he had to deal with it. What Irene did was wrong, fucked up on so many levels but... he had thought the body was gone this entire time and he still worried about it.
He thought his problems were fixed that night when he made a deal with the Devil but it still played in the back of his mind, reminding him, constantly, that he'll never be free from it.
A question hangs between them, a question that's been running through Jongin's mind ever since Irene said it to them before they left. Did he really know what happened that night? He's sure about it, that he blacked out and killed his father, that he woke up covered in blood, he could taste it in his mouth - he knows what he did so why would she ask him that?
"She's probably just saying that to try and take away from what she did. Scammer." Channie reaches over and tries to ease Jongin's racing mind. "What does she know about what happened?"
They don't know. They never asked. Jongin had left shortly after that, deeming it better to walk out the door before Chris throws him out.
"Let's get going," Jongin says, giving his hand a squeeze. "Let me get through this first and then we can deal with Irene later." Channie nods despite neither of them really knowing what they were going to do about the woman.
Sometimes, when we are in high stress situations, we recall things differently because our memories are made up of how we felt and how we perceive what we had gone through - they are often inaccurate and if we always believe it to be true, why would we think otherwise?
We don't know anything outside of what we remember so why would we question it?
It's all that Jongin can think about now, it's all that he's thinking about as they park the car and all he's thinking about when little Hwayoung is running up to greet her uncle. "Your hair is fluffy!" She smiles as she plays with his soft curls, a result of Jangmi's current hyperfixation.
Giving the pup a squeeze, Jongin places her down to take Channie's hand and walk over to greet Hui, the older twin hugging his brother tightly. "Welcome back." He says, their mind link relaying relief and the slight anxiety that Jongin feels at being back here. "Everyone knows that this is a time of mourning, closure," Jongin tenses for a moment, "and being able to let go of our past."
It's missed on him, kind of, the choice of words that Hui uses because he puts it down to everyone finally being able to know what happened to their beloved Alpha. There were always different theories as to what happened, hunters being the most popular one, but there were some who believed Jongin to be the reason; they would argue and fight that anyone who didn't think it was strange that Jongin came back alone was a fool.
What other reason could there be?
They were right though, what other reason could there be?
"Are you okay?" Channie asks, keeping close to Jongin, who stinks of anxiety. "It's okay. You have your pack beside you. You have me." Jongin leans into his boyfriend, taking deep breathes as they walk past some of the pack who stop and look at him, "we could leave."
Channie doesn't grasp how desperately he wants to.
They make their way into the large living area where many had gathered to honour the late Alpha. Nobody looks at the newcomers, nobody acknowledging their presence as they all take their time to pay their respects before leaving the room, leaving the two sons and their partners alone. There's nothing really to bury, Jongin knows that much, there'd be nothing left of him by this point so seeing the cloth covering the remains doesn't surprise him at all. What does surprise him however is when Hui asks his mate to leave the room.
"Can I have a word in private with my brother?" Hui asks Channie, a small smile on his lips while Channie looks at Jongin, who is frozen, confused.
Their mind link has never been the same since Jongin officially left the pack, the two brothers have always been able to know what the other was thinking, feeling, no matter the distance but over the years, Jongin worked hard to close it - to keep Hui out. When he cut ties with the pack, rejecting his status as Alpha and his claim, it somehow affected their connection too, making it foggy, like talking underwater. Only when they are close, can they pick up on things and now it's mostly strong emotions, feelings more than thoughts.
"What could you possibly want to talk to me about that you had to send them away?" Jongin asks, walking away from the coffin and taking a seat on the couch, suspiciously eyeing Hui as he checks to make sure nobody is within earshot. "Hui, what's going-"
"What do you remember from the night that Dad die?"
Hui folds his arms over his chest and looks down on his younger brother, "the night Dad took you out to train in the woods. What do you remember?" There's a look in his eyes, a look Jongin can't quite pinpoint. His tone isn't hostile, accusatory, but it still puts the younger on the defensive. "Did you see what happened?"
"I told you what happened. We went for a run and I lost him, we got separated and he never came back."
A sigh leaves Hui's lips as he shakes his head and panic rushes through Jongin's veins, chilling him to the core. "We both know that's not the real story, Jongin." Fuck, fuck, fuck, "Dad was a monster, it's okay, as much as nobody talks about it - we all know how he treated you. The damage he caused." What is...
"Why are you saying this?" Jongin shakes, eyes wide in shock. "Yeah, h-he was a fucking monster but... nothing happened- we got separated and he never came back."
Standing up suddenly, Jongin goes to move past Hui, sick of repeating himself and the questioning. Why doesn't Hui believe him? Why is he pushing this here, now, after all this time? Why won't he just leave this alone?
It happens quickly, like a light turning on and Jongin turns around, shoving Hui firmly in the chest. "You fucking know, don't you?" He shoves him again, voice getting louder and alerting Channie and others nearby, "you fucking knew this whole time and you didn't say anything? What the fuck, Hui? This whole- You-" His fist connects with his brother's jaw before anyone can stop him, before Channie can make it to his side. "This whole time I've been worried about how you'd look at me, how things would go if I was to tell you the truth and you're telling me, now, after what, ten years, that you knew." Jongin's chest is heaving, his world spinning as red clouds his vision, the only reason he doesn't leap at the Alpha is because he's suddenly reminded of where he is - and who he's surrounded by. One move and the whole pack would descend on him... on Channie.
"I felt everything, Jongin." Hui rubs his jaw as he stands up, waving the others away, "you think I didn't know when he broke your bones, when he beat you until your body nearly gave up? You think I couldn't hear your screams bouncing around my skull every time he took you out for private training? Do you not understand how much it killed me knowing you were suffering so much and I couldn't do anything for you?"
This has Jongin nearly launching at Hui, ready to rip him to shreds. "Are you actually fucking kidding me, right now? It was killing you to know- Hui, he fucking nearly killed me."
"You should have come to me."
Jongin scoffs, looking at Hui incredulously, "you were his favourite. You had everything handed to you the moment you were born - I was just the scrawny runt he couldn't kill with his own two hands. Trust me, he fucking tried though." An audience has gathered, wolves watching as the two brothers stand off against each other, seconds ticking by, waiting for the next move. Clenching his jaw so tight, Jongin steps back, shaking his head. "I knew this was a mistake." He grits out, making sure Channie is nearby as he reaches for his hand. "C'mon, puppy, we are leaving."
Nobody stops them as they turn, everyone still shocked at what has happened, at what is even going on. As they make their escape, nearly at the door, Jongin pauses when he hears Hui's voice calling for him. "Someone had to put him down, Jongin."
The car is quiet other than the thumping of Channie's heart and his breathing as he looks over at Jongin to check if the older is okay, the car is quiet but Jongin's head is far from it. It's racing through everything that happened in the day, from what Irene did and said to what Hui all but confessed - why couldn't he trust anyone?
Why was he always left in the dark?
Did he really know what happened that night? Did he see what happened? Why is this being said as if he wasn't there, as if he wasn't the one who lost control and tore his father apart, left him for dead while he ran to save his own ass?
What the fu- no... there's no way. "No fucking way." Jongin slams on the brakes and turns the wheel, doing a sudden U-turn which has Channie gripping the seat and letting out a small scream in surprise. "Call Irene." Jongin passes Channie his phone and even though the younger grumbles under his breath about not wanting to speak to the woman right now, one look at Jongin has him pressing 'call' without protest.
"Hello, Jongin." Irene's voice comes through the phone, a little distant.
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he stares at the road ahead, "what did the old man say?" He asks, not wanting to play any of her games right now. "Jangmi told me that you personally saw over her old owner's hell loop so I'm assuming you've met dear old dad." Her silence only relays that he's correct, "so, what did he say?"
She's nowhere near being forgiven for this but she'd have some kind of redemption. Maybe. "It's not so much as what he said but what he didn't say." God, get to the point. "You are so sure that you killed him, that you were the one who took down the beast that was your father but his hell loop says differently. At first, I thought it was strange - we like to have people relive happy moments before destroying them. Most of the time we let them torture themselves but you were never in your father's hell loop."
In other words, he didn't regret what he did to Jongin.
Irene's voice suddenly gets louder, like she's got the phone right next to her mouth. "Your brother." Jongin furrows his brow, trying to process those two words in his head, "in his hell loop, your brother is the one who rips out his throat, not you."
