doux-ces

after three cumulative years spent in shanghai and one year spent in europe, i certainly lived out the adventure of a lifetime. i threw out my back scaling an entire mountain on the outskirts of hangzhou. i was saved by a lovely stranger and portuguese policemen when i got locked out on a tiny balcony. i rented a car for the first time in my life and drove alone along iceland’s snowy golden circle. i rode an electric scooter along the sunny southern coast of taiwan. i danced on top of a bar, i ate dinner on a rooftop in budapest. i hopped campus gates at one a.m., i smoked weed within spitting distance of florence’s most famous cathedral. i helped start my school’s first student publication, i pursued my graphic design hobby, and i took a fiction writing course taught by a real author.

i did so, so many things. i tried, i fumbled, i embarrassed myself, i moved on, i succeeded.

at times, i felt real fear, hearing non-stop police sirens in paris the night of the 2015 terrorist bombings. i felt real sadness, sobbing to my friends outside the dorms when i thought i might transfer during my sophomore year. i felt real happiness, sitting on a beach in sanya under a full sky of stars and listening to my friends’ laughs as they chased each other along the tide. i felt like i started living instead of just imagining what life could be. it was an adventure, with countless memories that i’ve probably forgotten and many more memories that are as clear as if i lived them yesterday.

even if i could’ve imagined the adventures i’d have during these years, i never expected i’d leave so full of love. i feel like i could burst. mostly with (happy) tears. i am so full of love from my friends. my friends from college that i’ve had since day one, or one hundred, or one thousand—they are the ones that fill me with so much love. the few friends i still keep from high school—they fill me with love, even though we don’t talk or see each other as much as we used to. i am full of love from my family. my mother, who has too much love to give to others. my father, who allows and enables me to live freely. my brother, who always wanted a family full of love. i am full of their endless love. i am full of love for the life i’ve made here, for the dog i foster, for this city that i can call my second home. i am full of love for my school community, for the friendly shanghainese people, for all the nice strangers i’ve come across around the world.

i am full of love from these people. i am full of love for these people.