Tseli's mind and matter

As the last year drew closer to an end my life seemed to be changing faster and faster before my eyes, 2017 was a year of so many trials and tribulations. So many life altering changes, lessons, failures and successes. As I felt and watched myself grow, change, evolve, I couldn’t help but feel Iike I was fighting a losing battle. The harder I tried to practice mindfulness and self-love and care, the more it felt like I was clutching at straws. When my fitness game was on point, my personal life was a mess, it was like trying to solve a rubric’s cube… and I am really bad at those. I kept setting expectations for how the months ahead would progress and how I would grow and flourish in a certain direction in a matter of months. The harder I tried, the more I failed. It was a whirlwind of confusion brought on by goals I had set for myself years ago, when I was a different person, and the personal and outside environment in which my life was now unfolding.  Besides the obvious confusion being in this space can bring on so much self-doubt, and disappointment, you can’t help but feel defeated…by everything! I was so tired, so sad, and the longer I felt this way the further the possibility of a breakthrough seemed. One day I woke up and decided I would change my entire perspective on life, make a fresh start, I would begin with myself and I did. In just turning my head to look left as opposed to the straight forward perspective I have always known, life itself became something different. People change and with them come new priorities, new ways of doing things, and it is more than okay to have to start from scratch because of this new outlook. Everything you think you know about yourself and your life could be your reality, but may not be your truth and it really helps to just tilt your head a little for some perspective, you never know what you might see.

“Let me just hitch a ride real quick!” - Sundown in Amboseli really has to involve a Tusker.

Once Apon a time, everything was defined

Defined to conform

Segregate art by giving it names

So that its easy to tag a price

And deny its freedom to value itself 

Bokoata Redefined represents the unspoken for

The ones that find their thoughts homeless in their native country

The labeled rugged, raw, primitive, and outdated

The seeds that are yet to see the light of day

The weirdos denied by society

The Non-book and social media smart

The materially unprivileged but hungry for consciousness

The few that see beauty in chaos

Ke bua ka tsona Likoata Tse Bohlale 

Hona ke selelekela

For the imprisoned thoughts

The loners that have journals for best friends

For rebels that cannot afford guns

For puppets that have their strings on a tight grip in their hands

For the lyrical and poetic heads that have soul on a boom-bap voyage

For those that have seen through the illusion of the beer bottle, the weed bud

For those that wish their high would come from entering doors to music libraries, walk in parks filled with basketball courts, open their eyes to sculptures and enticing street paint, theirs ears shook by ciphers and street bands, clothes by our neighborhood thread artist, with hair that naturally shapes itself.

Bokoata in my grown understanding is being true to the background, environment and art that raised you, helping it grow in its individualist and genuine nature and molding it to add value to other people’s lives especially the seeds, bana ba rona, which can be done in multiple forms. Bokoata is being aggresive in mastering and perfecting the art that defines you.

While on a recent trip to Kenya, I was asked how far is home by a local in Nairobi. I could have given her the technical and accurate answer, which is home is approximately 4 325 km away. Yet, while in Kenya, I never really felt far away from home. So my answer was simple: “Home is here”.

Do not believe everything you read

As a writer, I have never been rendered speechless, until now. I left South Africa, with a homogenous idea of Africa, I can blame Western media’s portrayal and framing of African issues, for my warped sense of what I expected from a trip, close to the Horn of Africa.

As an Africa Studies scholar, I understand that we as Africans are blessed to call live in our richly diverse continent. The problem arises when we do not fully grasp an understanding of day to day living in a country outside of our own. We seek great travel tales from everywhere but Africa. I can only presume that we pity ourselves and cannot see what lies right in front of us.

Kenya has been plagued with negative international media popularity since the unfortunate terrorist attack on international and national civilians at the Westgate Mall, in Westlands Nairobi. The Jomo Kenyatta Airport is heavily guarded, the security presence and measures in the country are a norm to the residents but could be very unsettling for a tourist. Importantly though, I am happier safe than at risk, therefore it is important to commend their efforts to keep Kenya safe.

Colonial isn’t always bad: The Fairview Hotel

The Fairview Hotel, is one of the most picturesque hotels, I have ever seen. The calm and peaceful environment is just the perfect getaway spot for lunch dates or cocktails, especially for people who live around the Nairobi city centre. The place has the perfect for a holiday that is all about R&R, It will definitely be worth your time and money. Apart from the delicious food served at the restaurants, the hotel offers many pleasures like a wine cellar, hospitality that warms your soul and business facilities for travellers that like to work and play. If you need to do some reflecting and soul-searching, this is the opportune paradise within the heart of Nairobi to do all of that.

Shopping up a storm in Karen

Karen is a leafy affluent suburb, just outside of the Nairobi city centre. It lies tucked away from the heavy traffic and the constant hustle and bustle of the green and enchanting city. The Karen landscapes are amazing and has huge homes with lush well maintained gardens, it was refreshing to see how the other half of Kenya live. Karen derives its name from Danish writer and Nobel Prize nominee, Karen Blixen. Who is famous for her colonial memoir Out of Africa. She was played by Meryl Streep in the 1985 film about Out of Africa.

My travel companion Normah and me, both avid shopper and fashion enthusiasts. We had to visit the craft markets in the area. Our taxi driver, was more than great. “I will take you to two places, the fixed prices and the bargaining markets”.

The bargaining market is a place where one can lose money very fast and if you are not knowledgeable on prices of the crafts, you could lose money very fast.

While in Karen, visited the Kazuri handmade ceramic and beads workshop. The word Kazuri means “small and beautiful” in Swahili. The workshop began as a tiny workshop experimenting on making handmade beads. While there, we saw many local women making the most exquisite little beads. A portion of the money made from the beads, aims to create sustainable employment opportunities for the disadvantaged members of the Kenyan society. The Kazuri workshop employs over 340 women, mostly single mothers.

Be more like a local: Muindi Mbingu Street

I love networking with people of different cultures so as to learn from them in a bid to better understand the world and mankind. I also try my hand at photography, because often photos are good at relating the emotions of a soul, so that the moment can be captured, shared and preserved.

I am grateful for the gem that is the City Market, it outside all the tourist trails, apparently it was more popular years ago. However, I experienced more authenticity here. It has a certain charm and remains a genuine experience, where you meet brothers and sisters, instead of just vendors trying to swindle, you out of a few dollars or shillings. The market is in a beautiful old warehouse, with a dome shaped roof and spreads across two floors. There’s a fish and meat market, beautiful arrangement of flowers, an abundance of fruit and vegetable stalls and plenty of stalls with traditional crafts and trinkets. A walkway that runs above the first floor gives a great vantage point with a beautiful panoramic view of the entire market and its stalls below.

In essence, the trip to Nairobi did three things. Firstly, it reinvigorated my mind and healed my soul, it taught me, in the words of Lao Tzu that “life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Secondly, the trip made me realise that my heart lies with a man, who is kind, warm, gentle, loving and it is indeed true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I realised that there is really nothing in world that I want to do without him. It gave me a chance to introspectively assess myself, as his partner and lover. I returned to him with a heart full of joy and life ready to be spent with him.

The last lesson learnt was the most important of all; I am strong but restless and my spirit has been are odds about a few things in my career. I learnt that I am one of the best at my job and I am filled with ambition and potential. I learnt that adversity is necessary but not at the expense of your sanity or contentment. I learnt that to be a black professional is often to be alone. Most black doctors, lawyers, journalists, and so on; in professional positions that require specialised training and credentialing, work in environments where they are in the racial minority. This makes us prone to marginalization, extortion and discrimination.  

The long story, short, is that THIS IS AFRICA. We should rise and unapologetically demand what we deserve and recognition that can be equated in monetary means. A patronising and condescending “you such a good black” is no longer good enough to pay the bills. This continent is our home, it is our birth right and therefore the shackles that once bound us, should be unshackled through all spheres of society.

Regards

Oteng the Traveller.  

How to Give a Tantric Clitoral Massage

All women are capable of having an orgasm from clitoral stimulation. In fact, the sole function of the clitoris is to give a woman pleasure and bring her to orgasm. The purpose of clitoral massage is to make her clitoris the center of attention. It can be done by itself, or as part of a Yoni massage, a G-spot massage, or an erotic massage. Make the space where you’ll be doing the clitoral massage warm, inviting, and special - a place your partner will feel welcome and comfortable. Ask her to undress and lie face down. Begin by giving her a full body massage. Start on the back of her body, going from her head to her feet. After about ten minutes, ask her to turn over, and then massage her front from the feet up. Do not massage her breasts or genitals until the very end. After massaging her head and face, work your way down to her vulva, stopping at her breasts and nipples along the way. When you are ready to begin the clitoral massage, touch her knee, and then slide your hand up her inner thigh, and finally her up to her vulva, so as not to penetrate her personal space too quickly. The clitoris is located at the top of the labia above the vagina. It consists of a rounded area or head, called the glans, and a longer part, called the shaft and is is covered by a “hood” of skin called the clitoral hood. Depending on the sensitivity of your partner’s clitoris and the amount of natural lubrication, you may need to apply additional lubrication before beginning the massage. You will almost never want to touch her clitoral glans directly without your finger(s) being lubricated. You will be massaging her clitoris using one, two, or three fingers, depending on the size and prominence of her clitoris. If you are able to locate and feel her clitoral shaft with your fingers, you will use your thumb and index finger. If she has a well-developed clitoris, you may want to use your thumb, your index finger, and the finger next to that. If you cannot grasp the shaft and glans of her clitoris because it is small or hidden, you will use just the tip of your index finger, or perhaps your thumb. If you can grasp her clitoris with two or three fingers, very gently grasp the shaft of her clitoris with your thumb and index finger. Gently slide the loose tissue covering her clitoris around, primarily back and forth, getting a feel for the shape and firmness of her clitoris. Determine how much the tissue along her shaft slides around. You do not want to grasp the glans at first if possible, but if her clitoris is small, you will not be able to avoid it. As you slide your fingers back and forth along her shaft, the hood should also be sliding back and forth, stimulating her glans. If you cannot grasp her clitoris, place the tip of your index finger on top of her clitoral body or hood. Gently move the tissue under your finger around in small circles, or back and forth, to stimulate her clitoris. You should feel the firm structures of her clitoris under your fingertip, when she is aroused and erect, even if her clitoris is really small and hidden. Place your thumb and forefinger around the clitoral hood, and, while lightly pinching the clitoris, gently roll it around between your fingers. Pull the hood up, exposing the clitoris and gently blow on it. Then, with the lightest touch, use a lubricated fingertip to stroke it in different directions to see which she likes best. Try side to side, upward strokes, downward, or circles. Some women love a light genital tapping. This brings blood to the surface and charges the nerve endings. If she is enjoying what you are doing, just continue in a steady rhythm. As she becomes more and more aroused, you may want to slowly increase the amount of pressure you are applying, but always be gentle. The speed of your strokes may vary from very slow in the beginning to possibly faster as she nears orgasm. Your fingers should always be grasping the loose skin covering the body of her clitoris, causing it to slide back and forth along the shaft. Continue until she reaches orgasm. As soon as she has an orgasm switch to a very light stroke, as her clitoris is likely to be very sensitive, or move your fingers from her clitoris to her labia. Maintain physical contact with as she recovers from her orgasm. After a couple of minutes, you can either begin again or stop. However, you should ever stop the massage abruptly unless she reports she is too sensitive to touch, in which case, caress her vulva or inner labia for few minutes. Though she may experience orgasm quickly and easily, it may take practice and time for you both to get comfortable with this technique. The only sure way for couples to figure out how to give and receive a clitoral massage is through open minds and experience.