My office has a workout room that is most often frequented by the guys in the office. Most of the women don't spend much time there because we don't like the posing, screaming 'one more, one more...' or strutting that some of the tough guys like to do when we ladies are there. One of the tough guys is Mike. Mike is about 6'3' and probably about 250 pounds.
He does everything at 100 miles per hour. If he is lifting weights, he has to lift all the weight in the room at the same time, yelling, and dropping weights. He looks at himself in the mirror all the time. He flexes and puffs up at every opportunity. And he laughs at some of the other guys with their 'wimpy' workouts, or the women when we try to do aerobics or Tae Bo. He is oblivious of anyone else in the gym. He often gets on the treadmill and runs like crazy, slinging sweat in every direction and even sometimes blowing his nose into the air. It is disgusting.
One day I was in the gym with another of the women in the office doing aerobics on the mats. In came Mike already wearing his shorts and a bright red sweat shirt, carrying a boom box. He looked at us and laughed. Then he turned on the boom box to some of his headbanger music that played so loudly that it was almost impossible to hear our aerobics DVD. We asked him to turn down the music and he just laughed and sped up. We decided to just pack up and leave the gym, as we were close to being done anyway.
As we gathered up our things, Mike got on the treadmill and cranked it up to top speed, and at a good incline. He started thundering away on the treadmill. He had only been on it for a minute or two, and Mike decided that the sweatshirt was too much.
He wanted to take it off, but, in typical Mike fashion, he wasn't about to get off of the treadmill just to take off some clothes. So he tried pulling the sweatshirt off over his head while running flat out.
When he had his eyes completely covered by the sweatshirt, he beame disoriented, stumbled, and lost his balance. He aburptly stopped running but the treadmill didn't stop! He couldn't pull his arms back down to grab hold on the treadmill.
Mike shot off the back of the treadmill at the speed of light. The back of the treadmill was just a couple of feet from the wall, and Mike made a direct hit on the wallboard. He was going so fast, and was so big that he crashed nearly all the way through the wall, and let out a thunderous 'UUUggggghhhhhhh!' Then he fell to the floor with his arms straight up in the air and his head tangled in the red sweatshirt, landing directly on top of his boom box, smashing it flat.
For the longest moment, Mike lay there motionless. The only noise in the gym was the whirring of the speeding treadmill.
Luckily, Mike lived through the episode. The only things that were hurt were the wall, the boom box, and Mike's overinflated ego.
As soon as we realized that there was no blood or protruding bones, and we knew Mike would live, we died laughing. Mike lay there for a moment longer, unable to see because of the sweatshirt that covered his eyes. He slowly, unsteadily, got up and took off the sweatshirt, his hair standing straight up, his face bright red, and his breath coming in gasps. He looked sheepishly around the room at the few of us who were there laughing, picked up the remains of his pulverized boom box, and quietly left the gym.
The wall had a hole in it that reminded me of the times that Wiley Coyote crashes through a wall chasing the Roadrunner, and leaves his form clearly visible in the wall. Word quickly spread in the office, and soon there were whole groups of people coming to the gym to see the damage and to laugh.
Some of the guys started calling the gym, 'The Hole in the Wall' or 'The Hole that Mike Built.' It took maintenance several weeks to repair the damage to the wall. That entire time people had fun reliving the event of Mike being launched through the wall.
The legend grew and grew until the story was that Mike had gone completely through the wall, and nearly killed a group of people in the hallway. Mike never came back into the gym until long after the crater was repaired. When he finally did come in to use the treadmill, he got undressed before he got on it! He didn't bring in a boom box again, but started wearing earphones. Harder to smash, I guess.
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