Fluctuations
My mood changes like your feelings for me, so stop saying you can’t handle them because you are one of the reasons why they happen.
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@tryingtobewholeagain
Fluctuations
My mood changes like your feelings for me, so stop saying you can’t handle them because you are one of the reasons why they happen.

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To: me
From: myself
Let me kill myself
Your power over me
I define myself as a strong independent woman who is capable of surviving the impossible
But then you come into my life and start taking pieces of me slowly
Daily
I am well aware of the situation and still I let you
Tell me how do you have that much power over me?
Tell me how I’m supposed to stop you when deep down I’d let you destroy me if that meant you’d love me
I heard a heartbeat again
I think I’m feeling it again
It’s scary, so unusual
I thought this could never happen again after him
HIM…
That bastard
But perhaps it IS happening again
Perhaps I’m not imagining it
Perhaps this time will be different
Please be different

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“What if I never wake up in the skin of the adult I prayed for when I was a child?”
— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak
I think one if the saddest things is when you don’t want anything anymore. You’re not in despair, you know you’re not alone, you know it can get better, but you dont want any of it. You’re just tired of living. I’m not sure if anyone can really help at that point.
via weheartit
via weheartit

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“i spent the last 4 years planning my death not my future.”
— (via illbutstillbreathing)
68 dĂas
Ahora si, esta vez tengo los dĂas calculados.
Serán 68 dĂas. 6 dĂas de exámenes, 24 para mi Ăşltima navidad, 7 para mi Ăşltimo Año Nuevo, 4 para mi Ăşltimo viaje, 9 para regresar del viaje, 6 hasta el cumpleaños de mi primo y 12 porque no quiero que mi suicidio y su cumpleaños estĂ©n cerca. En total 68 dĂas, a partir del dĂa 69 puedo hacerlo, esta todo calculado.
Ahora si planearé todo bien, dejare mis cosas ordenadas, haré todo el bien que pueda, arreglaré mis problemas con todos, les recordaré a todos cuanto los quiero o cuánto no lo hago. No dejare que nadie me detenga. Ni una estupida e inútil psicóloga, ni un estupido psiquiatra.
68 dĂas Luciana, solo tienes que aguantar 68 dĂas más.
GUYS
MDD STANDS FOR MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER
NOT MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING
Pass it on
You know what breaks my heart? Kids who were always told that they were too smart and used to be overachievers but now they have depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses and can’t recover because the bar was always too high for them and they just sit and suffer silently watching everyone else get on with life while trying to be what they used to and trying not to commit suicide but they can’t talk about it because “You’re smart you’re gonna figure it out yourself ” . Nothing is more disappointing than knowing that no one will help you as you sink deeper and deeper into darkness and believing that all your high hopes and dreams will remain dreams forever. I feel you kids. You are not alone .
This broke my heart

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