[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

gonna start saying “you couldn’t make x movie today” but for reasons unrelated to political correctness

you couldn’t make Home Alone 2: Lost in New York today because the strict airport regulations put into place after 9/11 make it nigh impossible for a child to simply walk onto the wrong plane

You couldn’t make American psycho today because Christian Bale would actually kill Jared Leto for real

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person