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Morale is flagging here at the ass end of a 24 hour shift where they’d been bounced all around the city for a never ending stream of calls. The first week of summer is always like this, every kid in the district flooding out of the confines of the classroom and stretching their wings in the form of minor traffic accidents and what Eddie’s heard Athena refer to as “stupidity induced injury.” It’s not just the kids either, the frantic energy spreading to even the oldest citizens. They’d had to confiscate illegal fireworks from a retirement home some uncountable amount of hours ago, Bobby doing his best stern dad lecture at a man 30 years his senior. Nothing’s been too drastic, no death or mass destruction, but it’s three AM and they’re at their fourth block party fight mop up in a row and even Hen and Chim are snapping at each other and Eddie can actually see Bobby thinking through damage control.
“Buckley, Diaz.”
Buck and Eddie are loading gear back into the truck, still sweating in the dead of night because the June gloom settled thick over the city has just trapped the heat in, turning the air into an oppressive muggy sludge. Eddie doesn’t have the energy to respond, just turns generally in Bobby’s direction. Buck, behind him, leans against the engine.
Bobby sighs, fishing around in his pockets to pull cash from his wallet and press it into Eddie’s hands. He nods over at a couple of food trucks down the street that still, somehow, have lines. “Get food. Anything.”
So Buck and Eddie shuffle down the road, more distance between them than usual, the normally comforting brush of shoulders suddenly an unpleasantly sticky concept. The options are bougie cheeseburgers with lobster or kimchi or peanut butter and jelly piled on them, or a fried chicken truck with an obnoxiously flashing neon sign on the roof. Buck raises an eyebrow in a question and Eddie shrugs, and they get in line for chicken.
Buck stands with his hands in his pockets and Eddie feels his palms sweat just looking at him. He’s holding his arms slightly away from his torso, begging from the universe a breeze, trying to escape his own body heat. The neon flashes red and that makes Eddie feel hot too, the burning color of fire washing over Buck’s features, swallowing his birthmark whole. It makes his face look strange, young and unfamiliar, and Eddie doesn’t realize how intently he’s studying him until Buck makes surprised eye contact. He raises an eyebrow, Eddie shakes his head with dead-exhausted eyes, Buck nods and stares back out at the street.
“How’re Peppa’s dates going?”
Eddie barely resists groaning at the question. Bad, is how they’re going, and Buck knows that because Eddie calls him after each one to complain about it. He hasn’t hit it off with a single one of the women his tia keeps plucking out of her mysterious bottomless pit of single young hopefuls, because he doesn’t like their job or their interests or their laugh or the way their hand feels on his arm. Manicured nails, soft skin. Buck’s head tilts lazily to the side, a little grin pulling up one side of his mouth, and the sound of the neon feels like it’s buzzing around the inside of Eddie’s skull.
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Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
I love that when Hen and Chimney (best friends of 15 years) have a fight EVERYONE gets involved. Because no one once to see these—usually level headed individuals who love each other— be broken apart. The entire friend group intervenes in this bestie squabble. But when Eddie and Buck have a fight absolutely no one gets involved. In fact they vacate the vicinity and let that shit blow up going “they’ll figure it out.”
this is baby Ryan Gosling’s goth crooner band. they made one functionally perfect album and nothing else. this is genuinely one of my top 10 no-skips albums of all time and i dont even give a fuck about Gosling as an actor
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#killing all the women#failed backdoor pilots#replaying the same sibling drama over and over again like eagles eating prometheus’s liver#supernatural#what a show
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buck gets labeled the reckless one on the job bc he does crazy shit when he’s angry or sad as a type of passive self-harm so we see the emotional risk in it. eddie doesn’t have to be sad to do all that he’s just a little nuts
turnnoffyourmind
jbbartram-illu
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
origamiaround
stormborns
