Controlled Burn

1. live to die while saving you by justhockey (6.9k, Teen) Warnings: Temporary Character Death 

Buck nearly drowns while performing an off-duty rescue with Eddie. 

Reccer says: it's just so so beautiful!!!! 

2. the one who drives you home tonight by perlaret (@perlaret) (55k, Mature) Warnings: None 

It discusses the consequences of Eddie going missing during a water rescue for Buck and Chris, how they deal with his absence, and the uncertainty of his coming back to them. 

Reccer says: It's beautifully written, and feels very true to Buck, Eddie and Chris' distinct voices. I also like the discrete scenes style chapters which provide a more varied perspective of the entire storyline, instead of following a single pov and covering the entire time period in a continuous narrative. The emotional punches of the story hit quite hard without needing elaborate and dramatic prose to set them up, due to brilliant characterization and very realistic dialogue. A great fic for Deaddie fans. 

3. all the ashes I've earned by greenbergsays (@greenbergsays) (22.3k, Teen) Warnings: none

Spiraling about Eddie's announcement, Buck gets into a car accident and falls into another coma. This is Eddie in the aftermath. 

Reccer says: I liked it!

4. hospital beds by ellewriteswrongs (153.3k, Teen) Warnings: none

what if the lightning struck twice? And then they have share an out of body coma experience in the hospital 

Reccer says: The writing is so pretty and the consequences of the lightning are not brushed over. 

5. Down We Go by bellabrady (@bellabrady) (64.8k, Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence; Attempted murder, Cannibalism 

Buck and Eddie are in a plane crash that leaves them stranded in the wilderness and fighting for their lives together. 

Reccer says: I liked it!

6. Check the date, darling, fall is almost there by thanatoskull (35.5k, Teen) Warnings: Suicide Ideation 

If you asked Buck, "How did you manage to come back to life?" He would smile, look at you. Then say, "Well, I flirted with the reaper."  

Reccer says: Super interesting alt first meeting and the fantasy elements work well 

7. at every single possible angle by lasagnatheory (@lasagnatheory) (12.5k, Mature) Warnings: Blood, canon-typical injury 

Post Eddie NDE hurt/comfort and getting together fic with Buck sort of going crazy in the waiting room 

Reccer says: buck and eddie are so so abnormal about each other and Everybody knows i love that buck knows eddie so well he could see right through him if he only let himself believe it I kept exclaiming "they WOULD!" while reading this. It's funny and sweet and has lots of buddie's on brand insane4insane.

8. I'm Sorry I Left (But It Was for the Best) by floatyourboat1997 (38.4k, Teen) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence; minor gun violence (one scene) 

Eddie gets into a car accident on his way home from work, falls into a coma, and leaves Buck behind to pick up the pieces. (The pieces: take care of Christopher, fend off Ramon and Helena, carry out Eddie's Living Will no matter how much he hates it, and slowly come to terms with his (supposedly) unrequited feelings.) Also, he's haunted by the ghost of his half-dead best friend the entire time. 

Reccer says: really good angst in this one, just the course of buck's emotions as he grapples with everything and the progression of the story. the climax is so good but sad at the same time (does have a happy ending though!!) but yeah this is just one of my favorite buddie fics 

9. work widow by oceanofchaos (@islandoforder) (24.4k, Teen) Warnings: presumed dead character (no actual character death) 

a S8a au where aftershocks to an earthquake take Eddie, and Buck loses it just a little. 

Reccer says: one of the best things about buddie nde fics is how they each react to the other in danger and the level to which they realize they value the other, this is one of the best examples of that. so much good focus on the buck and eddie (and also chris here) of it all 

10. take me home (to my heart) by literalmetaphor (20.6k, Teen) Warnings: some depictions of blood and injuries, car accidents 

Eddie and Maddie end up in an impossible situation (car crash) 

Reccer says: maddie and eddie friendship but make it when theyre both about to die!! i cant figure out how to articulate why i like this one so much without explaining the entire plot but its so good 

11. Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania (@hmslusitania) (44.4k, Mature) Warnings: Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings; Grief

After Eddie is missing presumed dead after an accident on a call, Buck is left with custody of Christopher. An amnesiac in a hospital in the middle of nowhere tries to get back his memories and go home to the people he doesn't remember, but still loves. 

Reccer says: This is an absolute classic in the Buddie fandom, and for a reason. Heartbreaking in the best way, and some of the most quoted and most romantic lines in Buddie fic ever 

12. listen to you breathing (is where I wanna be) by Yavilee (@theladyyavilee) (41.1k, Teen) Warnings: Grief/Mourning, Panic Attacks, Earthquakes, Nightmares 

Stealing this from the actual fic's summary: Buck is presumed dead after a building collapse and Eddie has to live through the reminder that tomorrow isn't promised to anyone 

Reccer says: Ripped my heart into shreds and then tenderly stitched it back together 

13. I deserve the dream (but I don't deserve the hurting) by not1_2write (20.7k, Teen) Warnings: none

Buck jumps off a bridge to save a little girl. For that, he gets months off work and recovery at the Diaz house, though he'd like to point out that technically he jumped out of a bus. 

Reccer says: Very fun and sweet dynamic, not just with buddie but with the whole 118! 

14. where all of the people dancing and clapping would greet me with such warmth by trysetmeonfire (@try-set-me-on-fire) (15.6k, Mature) Warnings: Suicidal thoughts 

When people are close to dying, they start turning invisible to Buck. In the fall after S5, Buck himself begins to disappear. 

Reccer says: Technically part 2 and I DO recommend reading part 1 for some background stuff. Intense angst where Buck knows he's on his way to dying, but doesn't know how, when, or where, and can't even tell people what he suspects (knows) because how do you explain that. 

15. you know i will adore you 'til eternity by teaspoonmoon (@young-waverer) (12.7k, Explicit) Warnings: none

“Man?” Buck frowns, making an affronted sound at the back of his throat. “Did you just call me man in bed? You're kidding me right now.” “What would you rather I say, Buck?” Eddie quizzes, shoving at Buck's arm to dislodge him. He hooks an ankle around Buck's calf and all of a sudden he's on top. Settling onto Buck's thighs for a moment, he leans forward to drag Buck into a kiss, licking messily into his mouth. When Eddie pulls away, he continues. “Schnookems?” He bites at the juncture of Buck's neck and shoulder, kissing the sting away. “Honey bear?” He mouths up Buck's neck, pinching a nipple. Buck tries to thrust up against Eddie but has nowhere to go with Eddie's bulk pressing him down. “Sugar plum?” He glides his hands up, sliding both into Buck's hair, leaning in for another wet kiss. “Baby?”        

Reccer says: The NDE in this one, and how it plays into the premise of the fic, took my breath away! Such a great reveal. 

16. boys, when my baby found me by nondz (pinkjook) (12.7k, Explicit) Warnings: Canon typical blood/injuries 

Three months later, things are mostly back to normal. And then there's an accident. A post S7 Eddie NDE  

Reccer says: THE Freak4freak buddie fic! Eddie NDE with Buck whump. Very spicy chapter 3 getting together scene 

17. Fairytales are Fickle Things by TalkNerdyToMe6 (11.2k, Teen) Warnings: Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings; No specific warnings but again Eddie is impaled 

Buck and Eddie get married while Eddie is impaled after a subway collapse 

Reccer says: The delicious angst! The heart-rending romance! A really fun fic I've read over and over! 

18. The Bravery Game by songbvrd (25.5k, Mature) Warnings: passive suicidal ideation, non graphic violence 

A serial killer kidnaps Maddie and leaves a note for the person who loves her most to trade places with her. Buck is only too willing to be the one to do it. Split POV Buck and Maddie. 

Reccer says: very much a buckley siblings fic, but with a strong buddie and madney core to it 

19. all your love and your longing by EiraLloyd (@unlifeira) (18.7k, Teen) Warnings: Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings 

Eddie goes missing, is presumed dead. Things get worse before they get better. 

Reccer says: Really digging into the contentious nature of the Diaz parents relationships with Chris and Eddie, particularly if Eddie went missing a mere month after Chris returned from Texas, and what that would mean 

20. the going water and the gone by trysetmeonfire (@try-set-me-on-fire) (31.5k, Teen) Warnings: suicidal thoughts 

Eddie is missing presumed dead after the cruise ship sinks, Buck tries to keep his promises 

Reccer says: Buck forcing himself to keep going for Chris' sake when Eddie is missing presumed on the cruise ship, the sheer grief, the custory battle, the will.... this fic has it all 

21. a row of captured ghosts by glorious_spoon (@glorious-spoon) (8.3k, Teen) Warnings: none

Eddie is at an open house in El Paso, eating mini quiches and making awkward conversation with another prospective buyer—single mom, two kids in the school district Chris has been attending since September, pleasant and, in retrospect, kind of flirty—when the accident happens. He doesn't know, though later that feels impossible. He should have felt the impact from eight hundred miles away. 

Reccer says: Buck nearly dies while Eddie is in El Paso, and the shock of it helps Eddie to re-evaluate his life and choices up to this moment... 

22. Cliff's Edge by sunflowerbuckleys (@sunflowerbuckleys) (3.7k, Teen) Warnings: none

Eddie falls off a cliff, and it knocks a few truths loose. 

Reccer says: this is truly such a stunning reckoning with emotions from both buck and eddie tbh, buck's sheer panic at losing eddie (first to a fall and then to a confession) could only be topped by eddie's determinedly casual realisation that buck is the love of his life 

23. don't let the tide come and wash us away by writerforlife (23.8k, Mature) Warnings: none

Buck develops a relationship with the ocean, avoids talking about the day Eddie was shot, realizes he might be in love, and drives. 

Eddie supposes he’s probably had more eventful 72 hour time spans in his life, though he’s hard pressed to remember one where the majority of the events were this good. It’s not like it started fantastic, his shoulder still hurts like hell from landing on it when the factory floor went out from under them, and there were the three horrifying hours where no one could find Buck and it felt like the world was ending. He hadn’t kept his cool very well, he’ll admit it, and he’s fully expecting teasing to set in any time now that they’ve had a few days and Buck is perfectly fine.

They’d found him in a little pocket in the debris two floors down, not a scratch on him. He’d lost his radio, but otherwise he was sort of just waiting around. Legs crossed, hands behind his head, chill as anything. He could have been at the goddamn beach.

And he’d looked at Eddie, a happy little smile on his face, and said “I knew you’d find me,” and Eddie — who’s lungs hadn’t been working right since he’d tried to call Buck on the radio and got silence in return — had kissed him instead of saying I always will.

And when they’d got back to the station he’d gone ahead and said it out loud, too, and I don’t know how to be without you and I love you, I’ve loved you for so long and move in with me and marry me, we should get married, please marry me.

Buck’s knuckles had been almost creaking with how tight they’d been gripping the sleeves of Eddie’s uniform. “Why? I mean- we haven’t- you never- how could you want that? It’s me, I-“ he’d laughed, trying to make it into a joke. “Won’t you get sick of me?”

“I want to share my whole life with you,” Eddie had said, and then laughed a little breathless. “And Buck, I- I think we already do. Your toothbrush is in my bathroom and I have a green lawn chair because you said it looked like a frog and- and you fixed the holes in my wall and you’re raising my son. We share- my house feels most like a home when you’re there. So. You can be there, forever, if you want. You want a couch? I have a couch. You like my couch.”

Buck had laughed, tears in his eyes, kissed him again, and said “I love your couch.”

So Friday evening they’d been sitting on the aforementioned couch as best friends eating pizza and drinking beer, and Sunday morning they’d got married, and had an all day long party in their backyard with people dropping in and out whenever they weren’t at work or had other places to be and Eddie had smiled so big and laughed so hard his cheeks still ache, and Sunday night he’d had sex with a man for the first time. He, Eddie Diaz, had sex with Buck (who’s last name is now sort of a toss up until he decides how he wants to change it, a process that turns out comes with a lot more paperwork and waiting than a marriage license). Not even just sex- Buck fucked him into the mattress so hard Eddie thinks he may have had some sort of religious experience. He came so hard he got a little mad about it after. Like. Is this what it’s supposed to be like? He could have been having sex this good the whole time? Buck had laughed at him, loud but not unkindly.

He’d learned what it’s like to sleep in a bed beside the man that he loves. Buck is warm and his feet are cold and he is delightfully solid and unmovable. He snores, especially when he curls up in his sleep, but Eddie has spent years sleeping in a big shared room in a fire station and years before that falling asleep in a war zone, so it doesn’t bother him. This morning they’d woken up holding hands even though they hadn’t gone to sleep like that, and Eddie is in love, in love, in love.

-

Sometime about halfway through their first shift as a married couple they’re called to a car gone over a cliff in the hills. It’s not gone very far over the cliff, and is resting on stable ground, and the occupant inside seems more shaken up than anything, but someone’s still got to get in a harness, and like usual that person is Buck.

Eddie can feel Chimney smirking off to the side as he triple checks Buck’s harness and line, but this is something Eddie always does and not a new feature of some sort of honeymoon phase. Buck’s life is precious, has been since the beginning, he’d never risk it with something as preventable as an improperly secured strap. Back last year, when Buck had been in the coma, it had been the one thing he’d not felt guilty about. The harness had caught him. Eddie had triple checked it. He always has and he’s not going to stop now.

"Be careful,” he says, darting in to give him the quickest kiss he thinks he can get away with. So, that part is new, sue him.

Buck's eyes get wide, and then he nods very solemnly. "I will," he promises, looking at Eddie for another long minute before he goes over the side.

To his left Bobby lets out a huff of air, and he's making a face and shaking his head when Eddie turns to investigate. Eddie raises an eyebrow.

"It's that easy?" Bobby gestures down the side of the cliff, amused. "I should have had one of you marry him ages ago."

Eddie laughs, and turns back to keep an eye on the line.

-

“We’re going to the roof,” Eddie says, after they’re back at the station. “For fifteen minutes,” he concedes to Bobby’s raised eyebrows. “To engage in strictly pg13 activities,” a final plea.

Bobby sighs, and Hen cackles as he waves a defeated hand at them to go ahead. Eddie hooks his arm through Buck’s and they stumble up the stairs side by side, laughing like they’re getting away with something.

-

They only got twelve minutes before the alarm rang again, and it was non stop after that till the end of the shift. Eddie’s shoulder is almost too stiff to move at this point, and Buck looks dead on his feet.

“You wanna just come home with me?” He asks, leaning on the locker next to Buck’s as he changes.

“Uh…” Buck looks tempted when he emerges from his t-shirt, hair all ruffled, but then he shakes his head. “Nah, we took both cars for a reason, I should go grab stuff from the loft.” The logistics of very suddenly moving in together are still working themselves out. Eddie thinks he could probably push — Buck practically lived with him before, anyway, what could be at the loft that he would miss so terribly it couldn’t wait another night? — but they’d planned their day like this so they could both go on Chris’ beach day field trip tomorrow without having to squeeze packing around it.

“Alright,” he agrees, though he can’t help feeling a little reluctant about it. He hasn’t been apart from Buck for more than an hour since he’d been lost in a pile of rubble, and he doesn’t really want to go separate ways now. He leans in for a kiss, and the way Buck smiles into it might be able to tide him over for just a little while. “I’ll go get the kid. See you at home.”

“Okay. Goodbye, husband,” Buck says, a little sparkle back in his tired eyes.

“Bye, husband,” Eddie laughs, soft, kissing him again.

-

There’s three unpacked boxes pushed to the side of the living room and two others empty by the recycling, contents dispersed around the house. By mutual, exhausted decision they’d agreed to deal with the rest some other time and collapsed into bed. They can’t even really make out properly, one or both of them yawning into it repeatedly until Eddie laughs and rolls onto his back, setting his alarm for the morning and settling more comfortably under the covers.

“Night, Buck,” he breathes, leaning onto his pillow to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

Buck does the little smile with startled-wide eyes he’s done every time Eddie’s said it so far. “I love you, too. Uh- sweet dreams.”

And that should be that, another happy night of wedded bliss, but the thing that Eddie knows and kind of forgot is that after a long and hectic shift Buck gets a little restless no matter how tired he is, brain running overtime, so after trying to wait out his tossing and turning and yawning Eddie eventually sighs, turns the bedside lamp back on, and pokes him in the side.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Buck frowns at him. "Eddie. What if I die in my sleep?"

He doesn’t think it’s a real question, but it still makes his stomach lurch a little. "Why would you do that?"

Buck makes a face. "I wouldn't mean to."

"I mean- why are you afraid of that?"

Buck frowns harder. “I don’t know. I heard once you yawn because you’re falling asleep and your brain thinks you're dying, so it tries to get you a burst of oxygen to save you.”

“Okay, but- you’re not actually dying.” Eddie reaches a clumsy hand under the covers till it collides with Buck’s chest, where his heart is somewhere inside beating steady. “You’re okay. Just tired.”

Buck nods, but he hasn’t stopped frowning. “What if you die in your sleep?”

Eddie hums, shuffling onto his side to face Buck more fully. “I don’t plan to.”

“Okay,” Buck says, trusting Eddie’s word even in a hypothetical he would in actuality have no control over. “What if Bobby dies? Or- or anybody. What if… a meteor destroys the station and we can’t go to work?”

Eddie snorts, and then feels bad about it until he sees Buck grin a tiny bit. “I think we’d still have jobs, Buck. They’d rebuild the station, we might all just have to work at different houses for a while.” Buck frowns again, and Eddie winces at introducing this new worry. “Hey. If a meteor destroys our station I promise I will beg on hands and knees to get transferred to the same place as you.”

Buck laughs, just a small exhale of air through his nose. “Feel like you might wanna stay upright. They might cite professionalism and all that.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, kissing his cheek. “I will beg on two feet to stay by your side whenever I can, as long as I can.”

“Alright,” Buck says, a little choked. He slings an arm over Eddie’s side and settles in close against him, and Eddie thinks that might be it until he says, very quietly, “What if I’m not a good husband to you?”

“Oh, Buck.” This question is a real question, the one that was hiding behind all the others. “You're doing pretty great so far.”

“It’s been like two days.” Muffled, somewhere around Eddie’s collarbone.

“Yeah, and they’ve been a pretty great two days.” He drags his hand around Buck’s ribs, everything made soft sandwiched by blanket and sleep shirt. “I asked you to marry me because I wanted to be married to you. I wanted- you to be married to me. My husband.”

“Yeah, that’s usually why people ask that question,” Buck mumbles, not, apparently, in the mood to easily accept comfort. “But what if-“

“Are you afraid of me?”

“What?” Buck reels back in surprise to look at him. “No. Of course not.”

“Then why are you scared I’ll change my mind?” Eddie can feel the raised line of a scar on Buck’s back through his shirt. The one from getting tossed from the board the first time he’d gone surfing, Eddie’s pretty sure, years before they met. “I won’t. I’m not going to get tired of you, I’m not going to leave you behind, you’ll never be too much for me. You-“ Eddie takes a breath, tries to get his thoughts in order. “You make my life better by being in it, and that has always been true, and you know we’ve gone through some shit before. Even… even when you were suing the city because you were a lonely little idiot and I was pissed at you because I was a mean little idiot, all I wanted was to be by your side. When I was bleeding out in the street I just wanted to be with you. When you were- when you were dead on that ladder I’d have done anything-“ Eddie exhales, hard. Buck is on his left side, birthmark buried in the pillow, so Eddie has to snake his hand up to tilt his head for access to it. They’ve only been able to kiss each other for a tiny handful of days, but it doesn’t feel new, really, when he presses his lips to the pink blotches of skin. “I don’t know how else to explain it to you, but I will keep trying every day for the rest of our lives, if you’ll let me.”

Buck kisses him, hard, holds him tight. “I- yeah, I-,” another kiss, slower. “As long as I can- I’ll tell you, too, I- I’ve never been anywhere I’ve felt- it’s so easy to be here, in your- in our home.” Buck’s fingers find Eddie’s scars, twin bullet holes, touching them so reverently he thinks the scars might heal right up and vanish. “You make me-“ He kisses Eddie’s cheek, up by his eye, his nose, right between his eyebrows. “I don’t know how to say it. If you try every day, can I try, too?”

“Anytime,” Eddie vows. “Every day, anytime you want.”

“Alright,” Buck says, tail end of the word getting swallowed by another yawn. Eddie kisses his forehead again, or maybe just smiles against it. “I love you, Eddie. So much.”

“So much, too.”