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They say it’s better to have loved and lost.

They say to just forget.

It’s been three years and the love that filled my heart has been replaced by agonizing dreams of her curly reds and sun kissed skin. Where there was once a raging fire now sits a unfiltered chill creeping into every crevice, sealing every memory of you frozen in time on a never ending reel of icy photographs that play over and over in my minds eye.

I have a reoccurring dream where I meet you in an empty street. I see you from afar so I scream your name but I can’t find my voice. Repeatedly I try and scream but like an out of tune violin, incoherent noise is all I can produce. You turn around and start to walk away beautiful as ever in a yellow flowered red dress. I run after you but I cannot catch you im a hamster on a treadmill running in place.

Even now I wonder if we were to meet again, would I be able to speak? Would I want to speak to someone that was able to live without me while I agonized without them? Is this my pride talking?