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You know, feeling out of it is just fine.
The skittering and shimmering of paranoid thoughts as you sink through the floor is a hard series of events to describe. The ĂŒber-clichĂ© *dying inside* explanation is a fairly concise entry to the proper discussion, I suppose.
There might always be days when you feel this way. Your friends might not always empathise, but they're probably trying. There might be days when you discover something about yourself from this shaken, ill-stirred soup of mental anguish you've enveloped yourself in. The question is, are you there to run from the thing you're denying? Or is it not as melodramatic as that. Maybe life's just shit.
Did you deserve it though? Perhaps that's an existential question to some, depending on what you consider to be the scope. Decisions you made in the past undoubtedly have knock-on effects down the line, but did you do something so bad to deserve this?
Nobody has the answers to these questions but you. Stopping asking them is just further denial. Being out of it may be fine, but we all need to grow a spine as best we can and learn to walk some day.
So I just ate Chinese food and this was my fortune and now not only am I having Stay feels, Iâm also seriously questioning my reality.
If we cannot see the wind, we can see the wind's will.
Tristan RĂȘveur
"I saw all the blood, I watched him die..."

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Stay with me, Henry.
Film of The Month:Â Stay (2005)
Directed by Marc Forster, starring Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts and Ryan Gosling.
âDo you know that Tristan RĂȘveur quote about bad art? It says âBad art is more tragically beautiful that good art because it documents human failureâ.â
This film is objectively awful in nearly all areas. Sitting at a gleaming 27% on the ever reliable Tomatometer⹠(trademark pending), the acting from two of three main members of the cast is flat and distant, the visual style is showy and pretentious and the plot is so nonsensical until the awful twist, you regret spending your time on it at all.
In an interview with MTV, Marc Forster said that the twist was not designed to be this way. The audience should not be expecting a twist, but instead enjoy the journey and presentation, being propelled through space and time. The marketing department didnât get the memo I suppose; ââŠthis suspenseful chiller that will keep you guessing right up to the shocking ending!â. Hmm.
The visuals in this film were dubbed âshowyâ but âinnovativeâ upon release, and Iâm sure all zero people who saw this film in cinemas agreed. For some, it creates a sense that the film was so far up its own arse that it would never find its way out even if it tried, drowning in its own pretension. For others, they saw an atmospheric dreamscape (for lack of a better word) committed to celluloid. The presentation in this film is truly astounding, so Marc Forster has, if nothing else, presented some of the most amazing scene transitions in recent memory that all contribute to the story being told.
The music by Asche and Spencer is also hard to fault, maintaining this shifting New York landscape as dark and dangerous in our heads, but also with these bouts of serenity and peace that juxtapose to create something thatâs incredibly hard to describe and immensely disturbing to feel. This film is pretty hard to write about if Iâm honest, so if this sounds confusing itâs probably just because Iâm confused about what to write.
If you enjoy watching films with your eyes open, actually paying attention to whatâs going on and the relevance of it, youâll have a lot to mull over in your head here. This film was playing with our perception of human minds and our subconscious five years before Inception ever did (although Inception was being written at the time), and everything this film does is with intent.
I give this film a RĂȘveur / 10, needed more ill-fitting trousers.
Credit to Paratr00per for the train gif. The others belong to others, I donât know who.
âUn suicide Ă©lĂ©gant, lâoeuvre dâart finale. An elegant suicide is the ultimate work of art.â
I wrote something on my other blog. This is totally not shameless self promotion.
The Idea of Tristan Reveur
When I watched âStayâ for the first time there were many things that crossed my mind. One of them was the idea of Tristan Reveur.
To be honest - I thought that Tristan was real. Then I started to wonder - why the hell Iâve never heard anything about him? Iâm not an ignorant. As a human being interested in many things - I know at least some basic information about artists so why I missed him? Such a shame⊠When I realised that he was⊠well - just an illusion I was really sad.
But then I thought:
I feel the same real disappointment and sadness that I canât see his art - no matter if heâs real or not. Nothingâs left - no matter if there were something or not - still nothingâs left. But you know what?
The art that doesnât exist - in my eyes - is the most beautiful art in the world.
Because in our minds things can be perfect. This perfection is breaking apart when weâre trying to pull it out of our minds and transfer it into something real. If Tristan was real I think this could be the reason why he destroyed everything. He didnât want his art to be bad. He was just sick of documenting human failure. AndâŠ
⊠and I have a few more words about Tristan but I think Iâll just leave it for now or this text will be simply too long.
(To be continued).
âHe said heâd live three more years then kill himself. And thatâs exactly what he did. Left a one line note. âUn suicide Ă©lĂ©gant l'ouevre d'art finaleâ; an elegant suicide is the ultimate work of art.â
Fan-edit #1: Troubles Will Cease.
Film belongs to 20th Century Fox. Music by Asche and Spencer and The Guess Who.

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Bad art is more tragically beautiful than good art because it documents human failure.
Tristan RĂȘveur, 2005
Iâm never gonna sleep tonight.
The last two days have been weird to say the least.
âYes Henry...â
âDo you remember the dream of the burning boy, referred to by Freud?â

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Your troubles will cease and fortune will smile upon you.
Stay, 2005