( broader shoulders. )

                         ❛ that wasn’t ——- very funny ,                   but i’m open to hear another joke. how about                              i crack one instead this time ? ❜

"Are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows I can’t really tell."

"I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears."

"I made my money the old fashioned way. Getting run over by a Lexus."

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you."

"Your mom kind of made a pass at me."

"I think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other."

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

"I like you… in a, you know, romantical kind of way."

"And let’s be honest, it would be nice to not have to pull strange things out of people’s butts every night."

"Everyone shut up and look at me!"

"I want to spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. And I’m the luckiest man in the galaxy."

"That’s the second most awkward way someone has grabbed my breast."

"Normally people tell you to talk about your problems. I’m gonna recommend you bottle that noise up."

"If you would be willing to just take a brief pit stop, we could see Indiana’s second-largest rocking chair."

"You don’t have to buy me things. I just like being around you."

"We are colleagues with benefits. We’re colleagues who benefit from the fact that we’re also friends."

"I’m going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole."

"Look I love you like a brother. But right now I hate you. Like my actual brother, who I hate."

"My ex likes to check in every so often and make sure I’m doing OK. And if I am, she tries to fuck everything up."

"When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is."

"Dude, that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk."

"First of all, you did the right thing by hiding underneath this table."

"I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems."

"OK, well I’m not very good at visiting people in hospitals, so I’m going to go."

"I dig your groovy tunes, man."

"I love you and I like you."

"You are a wonderful person. Our friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful."

"Don’t try to bond with me."

"I hate talking to people about things."

"I am deeply, ridiculously in love with you."

"This is like a crazy sex fantasy of mine."

"Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that."

"I know what things are."

HOGWARTS TEXTBOOKS