cel @trmnlcrrsn - Tumblr Blog

everyone at the table talking about how theyre so full after lunch and theyre gonna gain weight and they need to climb the stupid lighthouse stairs again before they can eat dinner Yes its all laughs and gaffs and Yes we did eat lunch at fuckass 3pm but i am apparently still fucking evil

#none of them actually mean any of ts and also they ate more than i did Lol #have to remind myself that i didnt have any of the monstrous sandwich #actually wtf did i have #ceviche tostada raw oyster rockefeller oyster #some soup and like . two thirds of a fish taco #like its Fine. Whatevjer #fuck my life #god forbid i eat slowly #get me out of this car bruh #these people are making me evil for no reason

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ed sleeper agent reactivating at the fucking oyster restaurant

#Thawg do you want me to eat more or eat less #wtv im the evil one #stuck in a car with some of the most insufferable people ive interacted with recently Sorry dad your oomf pmo #like for no reason either im just evil #this guy asked me if i was done eating because he wanted to get going even though i was in the middle of my taco #and then when i put my food down he tells me not to waste food #okay ill kill myself this fish taco isnt even worth it #how many calories are even in the tortilla i have like Zero idea lowk its fine but i Am also Evil. Spiritually.#sorry dad

i m a fat chud and i should Kill my self

#im actually so fat

i think my mother is in denial about my eating disorder

#Of course i also dont have an ed because im normal #fuck why did you pack a peanut butter sandwich i hate your bread why did you put so much pb youre Sabotaging me #i m Going to kill you #my fault for eating the whole sandwich too i guess fuuuck #i wonder if i should have an apple too or if i should save room for lunch..... liang pi........ or i should kill myself

theeyre sending me to the hospitals for eating dis order

#.img #'isnt this what you wanted' bro im fucking scared

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father told me my hands arent as bony or frigid anymore. trying and failing to suppress kneejerk 'im a fatass chud' rxn. earl grey tiramisu and checkerboard cookies

#.img #pretty proud of these desserts Tbh #i shouldve coerced ppl into taking More of it but lowkey its fine maybe my brother will eat somewhen hes back #i know im like . objectively getting back yp to a healthier weight and whatever but it still feels fucked up #the fact that im pissing at night less. and sleeping more. and im warmer. and all of that #i feel like im recovering (physically) too fast. i dont Deserve to #like im not even disordered im just letting all of this happen #Whatever man. like its fine #im normal and well adjusted #the way i didnt even attempt to track calories the moment i got home

im genuinely binging on fucking Fruit and vegetables like im going way iverboard i cant stop stuffing myself in between meals and themn at meals i eat a lot too Oh myngod im going to Die

#fufukckckfjdjj #i sjould Kill mysel deadass #i really did just lose all self control huh #im gonna go insane

ive lost most if not all of my personality and interests and im a shell of my former self i dont even want to spend time around my friends anymore and my bones are going to collapse in on themselves and i cant even be skinny either im a fatfucking chud now im gonna be stuck with this bloated beer belly forever because my fat wont redistribute properly and the moment i got back home i just started eating eveyrthing in sight which is making everything worse and the moment i regain control of myself ill probably regress back to Restricting or at least trying but now the stupid Binge restrict cycle is gonna fucking GET ME and im fucked Forever. basically

#I NEED TO KILL MYSELF #what is WRONG with me #fuuuckfdjoewr045938946etuyrigdjfkvlc ;#i keep on eating fruit. and also nuts. i think the nuts are evil. i think the fruit is in large enough quantities that it is also evil #ive been eating so much fucking carbs and not nearly as much protein and like 500 times more fats (cooked food lol #so im Fucked . yejah #loss of control really rearing its ugly head #i think being given ''''permission'''' to eat whatever i want is What i wanted. But now i am abusing that

i feel like im binging lowk but i Cant stop microdosing on slop fuuck im going to kill myself 500000 CALORIE SURPLUS Dude . like i should gain weight but i dont want to do it That fast but Unfortunately i like earting food . i think i should kill myself. Fuck

#fuuck #what do i do #Why couldnt i just be normal fromthe start bruh

im lowkey doubling my daily caloric intake and i think bad things are happening to me

#fruit and veggies calorie surplus bro #i dont have enough proteinslop riht mow so im carbmaxxing through fruit and i think im gonna die #fuck why am i a fat chud #im eating dis order bro

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TEN PERCENT BODY FAAATTTTTT

#RAAAAAGGGH #Im evil

twitches

#mmaybe im not disordered enough #maybe im Too Norma l #ffuuuck i cant give up just like this

trying To be normal and Well adjusted about food And not track calories Alas i will eat infinite Slop and also i shjouldve eased into either eating at home Or not tracking/intuitice eating Fuck my life

#the lion doesnt concern itself with FEeling like a fat fucking chud #probably a shit ton of just water retention + volume but also i feel Evil. habitually

maybe i Am sick of lowk starving myself

#the deficit gets to a point man

i feel likeive already eayen too much i shouldve just thrown everything out or eaten it sooner im evil. sick and twisted.

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crippling body dysmorphia versus my newfound enjoyment of walking around shirtless

#i feel free #i probably cant do this at home so gotta enjoy it while it lasts #FUUUUUCKKKKKKKK I HAVE TO LIVE IWTH OTHER PEOPLE AGAIN!!!! FUUUUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ill KILL MYSELF #what id do to live alone And have Easy access to a kitchen. thats the dream

furikake is like if everything but the bagel seasoning was good

#maybe i cant say that #seasoning vs Seasoning Japan #maybe i should try mixing the two

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