WHEN A DOMINANT MUST LET HER FLY

1. Sometimes birds need healing and love; sometimes they need to fly.

2. If a Dominant does his craft well, she can fly when she chooses.

3. An empty collar hurts like hell, but there is pride in her freedom – and love.

      That night, parked in her car, I had the sacred honor of being a counselor to her.   I loved her but she needed to fly.   Perhaps it was fitting that we were in North Carolina.  It seems a bit corny but I related an episode of Andy Griffith to her.  Opie had foolishly killed a bird who had chicks in the nest.  Andy, sage of a father that he was, informed Opie he would have now have to raise the chicks himself.  As he took responsibility for healing and nurturing the tiny birds he grew to love them.  Then, too soon, they were no longer chicks – they no longer needed him, they needed to fly.  Reluctantly Opie opened their cage and they soared.  “Gosh, Pa, don’t the cage look empty” Opie pined.  “Yes, son, but don’t the trees look full”.   It was time for the birds to fly.  I looked at my girlfriend.  Now it was her time to fly.    She had to go create a new beginning and I had to let go.   Empty cages are lonely.  Empty collars are nearly hell.

        I am a healer by personality and by experience.   I believe most good Dominants have at least some measure of that in their soul.  Perhaps the best Dominants are able to keep a safe distance with their heart, but I seldom been able to do that.   When I claim a woman, accept her surrender and her dependency, I invest my full self in the dynamic.  This is especially true when I know that she needs strength, nurturing, healing, and to be loved.  Dominants, it is often said, need to be needed, submissives need to be loved.  I believe that deeply.   It is the intoxicating exchange of need and love that fuels this most intense, and perhaps most fragile, of intimacies.   D/s, as I live it, is truly about so much more than ropes and whips.

        There is a sort of palpable charge I feel when I pull a leash taunt and sense the collar wrapped firmly around my girl’s neck.  That power, her surrendered power, runs up my arms and through my chest and surges, yes, even to the point of erection.   I adore her, and she needs me, and there is bliss.   And there is a tinge of sorrow.  If I am doing my Dominant task well, I am making her stronger, more confident, and always more able to fly.  Of course I don’t want her to fly.  I want her to grow, but I don’t want her to fly. 

        A Dominant is aware from that first proud moment he fixes the clasp around her neck that his girl may one day choose to fly – may NEED to fly.  I understand that some D/s relationships have more contractual permanence.  Trust me: I know that even (perhaps especially) real time 24/7 relationships, though infused with hope and diligence, are fragile under the best of circumstances.  Those who surrender to me will always be free to choose.  Her willingness to surrender in each moment is more important that her choosing to surrender in the first moment.  She may choose to fly.  She may need to.  And if I have been a good Dominant, she will be able to, even if it is the thing I dread most.

        There are times when the most loving, if painful, thing a Dominant can do is remove the collar at her choosing.  Perhaps she’ll return – perhaps not.  I have stood alone, holding a slack leash, and staring at an empty collar that once adorned my girl.  It is an empty, lonely feeling – gazing at a strand of her hair left tangled in the clasp; the weightlessness of the leash.   The cage sure looks empty. 

On the other hand, though, I’ve seen her healthy and happy and she began a new chapter of life, better and stronger for our time together. She’s still in North Carolina and we still stay in touch.   And of course, in some real and sacred way, we will always be together and she will always be mine.

      Then too, there have been other birds that needed healing and love, and perhaps there always will be – and maybe one will come home.

Play hard and love well

Steven

cc.  Turk  (D/SOM)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T  

"Respect is the core of what this lifestyle is all about. If one cannot grasp this, they will find no belonging here. Respect is not just reserved for one’s Master. Respect should be given to each and everyone you encounter, every day of your life." - M.A.

A lesson I learned early on when first introduced to this lifestyle and one I admittedly had a difficult time with. So where do submissive females draw the line and when is it okay that we step up to the plate to defend ourselves when respect is not given? Do we just attempt to abstain from further interaction by keeping our mouths shut and risk the perpetrator who clearly lacks the understanding of the word to continue to offend us? Or do we take open up a can of verbal submissive whoop ass, using our well contained, only to be unleashed when absolutely necessary, in an effective manner?

I have tried to make every effort in practicing respect in all those I encounter since learning this lesson. I politely respond to others regardless of how I might perceive them, sometimes requiring great restraint to prevent myself from resorting to my old ways. Recently I was approached on another site by someone who complimented me on physical appearance. I politely thanked that person, directing them to my blog and explained that I really do not engage with others in that venue. This person continued on, asking me whether they could find images of me on my blog. I politely explained that there were a few and that if they chose to spend the time looking for them that they may come across them. Additionally, I explained that I am not interested in anything beyond friendship, nor am I looking for anything in particular but to correspond with other like-minded individuals who share an interest in the lifestyle. This person continued on, asking me if I would “friend to friend” send them promiscuous images of myself. My response was simply and respectfully, “no, I do not do that.” Again, this was not enough. This person said, “You are good at saying the word no, but I will keep insisting because your beautiful eyes make me do it. If you are so into BDSM, then why are you not into it?” With that being said, I felt the submissive pit bull rage surge inside of me and I could not abstain from saying what needed to be said. I did however give my best attempt to do so as nicely as I could. Perhaps I still have a lot to learn and will admit that I’m still a work in progress… I continue to try to make every attempt to embody the personal discipline required to master this lesson. Unfortunately, it is not always easy for me. So once again i ask, where do we as submissive females draw the line, while still making every attempt keep our submissive nature in check…still attempting to offer respect toward each and everyone that we encounter? That is the question.

Below was my response. Right or wrong. It was effective.

"Okay, here’s the deal. I take this lifestyle seriously. I am interested in high protocol, D/s-24/7. Although I do not mind friendly correspondence with like-minded individuals, I am not interested in anything beyond that, especially with YOU. No offense. Therefore, if you wish to follow my blog, learn something about the lifestyle and learn something about being a gentleman, then I am fine with you doing so. This lifestyle is based on respect and it is apparent that it is something that you lack. Because I chose not to send naked pictures to a complete stranger who thinks that posting pictures of his dick is a way to "score" a woman, does not mean I do not appreciate what the BDSM lifestyle has to offer. If you think otherwise, you are dead wrong. Please do not email me here or I will block you. If you chose to email me on my blog, be respectful and perhaps I will answer your questions. Otherwise, I will block you there as well. As stated, I do not engage with people on this site. Kindest regards."

Reclining Nude/Dream on the Beach (detail)

ca. 1913