selfishlyconscious

Every year.

Every year the flowers die.

The birds fly away.

And even the sun seems to look for a place to hide.

It gets so dark and so cold.

We wonder how long it will be this way.

But

Every year the ice melts and the frost fades.

The birds and the sun make a glorious return.

And every year the flowers bloom.

I’m the one of the best magicians I know.

Everything I do is for the sake of the show.

Everything I do is so you won’t know.

I can do all sorts of party tricks and I can conjure illusions once you’ve seen you’d believe.

But the one I’m best at and the one I pride myself on is the disappearing act you see.

I can take my heart bruised, broken, and bleeding at the seems

And make it disappear without a trace where no one else can see.

I can take my anger and my pain

And hide it away in the farthest darkest parts of my brain.

“How does she do it?” They ask

“It’s good to see you. you seem happy” you exclaim.

What you don’t know and what I’ll never tell you is I’m actually far from happy and yours is a large part of the blame.

The lights dim and the people depart.

The shows over and there is no magic.

You showed me forever and you took it away.

Apparently 6 months, ring shopping, and talk of eternity can be lost in a day.

Now I’m stuck with feelings to ignore and memories I try to forget.

And you don’t seem to feel any remorse or have even any inkling of regret.

I’ve been a good sport and I’ve let you off easy.

All to spare you the feelings that plague me.

No matter how much they tell me Im worth it or promise no tricks

Turns out dating and a reinforced fear of abandonment don’t exactly mix.

Now you have a new love who’s sweet as can be.