trinity

you ruined me. you took literally everything that I had and treated it like shit when you should've treated it like gold. I gave you my heart my head my body. eVeRyThInG. I will never be able to get back those parts of myself that you so rudely ruined. I lay in bed at 12:30am and cry wondering why the HELL was I not good enough. why was my body better than me. why did I LET you do this to me. most people would say they're mad at the person who did this to them for making them feel this way but I am mad at myself. I am mad at me. I am angry with myself for letting YOU take every part of me and you never even had the decency to give it back.

love. what even is love. there's all kinda of love. there's family love like you love sister so much or mom so much that you'd die for them. there's friend love where you would be terribly sad if they were to pass away. but you know I feel like there's a whole other type of love when it comes to your significant other. it's like all of those loves, family and friendly combine into one. I think love isn't just saying it. "I love you" no. that's not love at all. I mean yes saying I love you is a wonderful and magnificent way to express it to someone but I don't this that is what love IS. love is something you feel so deeply it hurts you, but in a good way. you know like you look at that someone and it's like your heart is throbbing BC you have so many emotions for them. love is when you put up with that annoying way they chew their gum or their grouchy Attitude after they take afternoon naps. love is when you argue about minuscule issues but then find yourselves laughing about it together in the future. love is when you can feel 110% comfortable with them. love is cleaning up after them and tucking them into bed. love is making sure they get home safe. But one thing so for sure love is not always gonna be smiles and giggles all the time. love can sometimes be a million tears falling down your face. love can be having to watch them go through pain. love is being there through it all. bad and good. one cannot love someone if they aren't willing to love all the good and bad in a person. love is SO many things. love is patient. love is kind. but most of all love is one of the most powerful things/emotions in the world. and that's why I think it's so completely stellar that you love me and I love you.

before you I never knew what it was like to look at one person and feel like my chaotic world was suddenly so calm. before you I never knew that I look a person in the eyes and slowly fall in love with them, cause that was it was like with you.