Finnick Odair

And when there’s nothing 

                  left to live for,                                     we exist out of spite.

Hey all, School is getting to that super busy part of the year #gross. So I’m gonna officially hiatus my blogs until sometime mid April

I may be around periodically and reblog some shit or potentially do replies, memes, inbox stuff but no guarantees. Sorry bout it but #realLife

For the rest of the game Caspian hardly knew what was happening, practically dissociating. Thinking only of survival. It hit him hard when he was pulled out. Watching the world around him continue wile he could feel everything falling apart around him. He was lying in a bed while people were rushing around him trying to help him, his chest hurt but he had forgotten why. After they had left the room Finnick had rushed in but he didn’t really realize it was him until he was pulled into an embrace, finally coming too. 

“I killed her… Finn. I killed her” he said wishing he was able to cry. He looked blankly past him. In shock from it all.

Finnick continued to hold him close, as though by hugging him he could block out the world, could take away what he was feeling. He knew, oh god did he know, how it felt. To be pushed back into the world, with everyone congratulating you; yet feeling like the shell of a person. His brother’s words seemed to stab at his very heart. 

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𝔦 𝔞𝔪 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔪𝔶 𝔟𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯   —

          Caspian Odair

Caspian stared at his brother for a few moments wondering if he was serious and then answered when he realized Finnick wasn’t playing around. 

“You can’t seriously be afraid of snakes… Their cute! They don’t even blink and that’s cool… I mean it may just be me being biased because of the whole Slytherin thing but I mean a lot of things don’t have any arms or legs” after he said it he couldn’t help but laugh. 

Caspian frowned slightly. He knew it wasn’t what his brother wanted but could he do it? He had started to be this way for a long time. Was he not strong? It was hard to wrap around how being emotional made you strong. ‘Boys don’t cry. Ever’ his dad had said. 

“I mean, I can try my best but .. I, well I don’t know. I’m sure I will be alright after all, I am not gonna let the games change me. Are you gonna be okay? I don’t want you to be wiggin out or anything” he said smirking a little bit, trying to ease the tension. 

Finnick couldn’t help but turn and pull Caspian into a proper hug. The thought that in just a few hours his brother could possibly walk to either his death, or the most horrifying experiance a teen could endure. It was too much. 

He felt the edges of his mind start to drift to the setting that so often haunted his dreams and he forced himself to push it away. Now was not the time for weakness. 

“I’m not quite sure that just anyone would have done that… You’re different, after all, only a handful of people actually care about the wellbeing of the people inside district thirteen.” Teddy murmured, almost defensively as she holds Ivy closer to her, the little girl hugging her mother’s legs tightly. It was overwhelming, the fear she felt upon coming so close to losing her daughter. Whether or not anyone else would have done the same, the mother would rather not wait around to find out. It was too much of a risk. “I’m glad you tried to keep her safe without telling her too much.” The last thing she needs is Ivy knowing the true horrors of their world, the constant fear and the rebellion that was taking place. Instead she’ll whisper soothing words of content as she strokes the young girl’s hair. “—Finnick, would you mind coming back with us?” Now that everything is calm and settled down as it once had been, it meant that the people would return to their places, rooms or work places.

Finnick shrugged at her words of his ‘difference’, perhaps it was true. He had seen too much bad happen to too many children, teens... there was just too much bad, to much negativity to not try and do what he could to rectify it. 

Caspian looked down at his feet. Guilty that the conversation had turned to be about him. It was about Finn and it would only make him feel worse. 

“I..” he looked up at his brother, his heart racing “I have a C-drug problem” there, it was out. He had been the first person that now knows and the pause before his words felt like an eternity. 

Finnick fought to keep his facial expression neutral, though the words hit him like a train. He should have known. Should have been able to guess, pick up on it, help, do anything but stand here like an idiot. 

Caspian saw his brothers emotion change in front of him and it pained him, he shouldn’t have said it. He shouldn’t have brought her up. Caspian realized he was shaking, though he didn’t know what caused it. Him not eating, the anger? the sadness? he didn’t know. 

Finnicks words took him back. He never thought he would hear his brother ever say that. He was more the, let’s make sure everything is okay and everyone can be saved kind of guy. He wasn’t too sure how to exactly respond he just knew it pained him. “W-what?” was all he could say to that, he kind of agreed but he wanted to know where Finns thoughts took him.

Taking the next words he knew how to respond to that, with violence. “Well then I will go up to the people in charge and I will make them fucking do something! I will do whatever it takes! This isnt fair!” he said, fuming. “We have the right to know what is going on it is there fault this is happening in the first place. They are what caused the games, they are why we are fighting.” 

Finnick saw the change in his brother and wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about it. Happy that he actually seemed willing to do something? Or responsible for causing his brother anger and disappointment, and a pointless mission. 

Whatever it was he knew he had to pull himself out of his own head, if only to stop Caspian from doing something stupid. “Caspian stop. You aren’t thinking. You know it’s not their fault the games happened. You’ve lived your whole life learning the story of the uprising. It just so happened that they got to escape it by hiding and acting as a scare story. But you can’t act like being trapped underground is a good way to live either. 

Caspian didn’t care about the logic of it all, that his brother probably had no idea who he was. He didn’t care. He pushed him hard against the chest. He was so angry he wanted to cry. His life could have been different. Maybe Eathelyn would have been okay. Maybe he wouldn’t have anger issues and here this guy was. His brother… they had similar faces…

“Yes I’m ‘the one’ that they threw away like it was nothing!” he shouted, uncaring of the people around him. He wanted to be visible. He wanted to be visible so bad so his brother could see him as he hurt him, possibly kill him. Without knowing Caspian flickered from being invisible to visible and back, finally staying visible.

Finnick stumbled backwards and listened to the words. He knew his parents had had another child. Knew that they had sent the kid to an adoptive family, or the system.. he wasn’t sure. The pieces were fuzzy, hardly memories at all. Mostly he remembered his mothers sadness. before....

As the other came into view he couldn’t help but feel surprised. He really did look like he belonged in the family. “I - I’m sorry.” it was a ridiculous thing to say. “I was four. They couldn’t afford you. We would have starved, they were only trying to do what was best for you.” 

Caspian smiled when he realized she was okay. Everything was okay. Well besides him, but he wasn’t dead. “Yea, sounds like her, get ready for a talk”\

Caspian tried to remember the rebellion. He closed his eyes. It was hard for him to remember, he knew some pieces though it felt like some kind of a dream instead of a memory, though he figured it must have been real. 

Caspian opened his eyes “I don’t remember much, screaming, fighting… and saving your ass” he said with a smile. Caspian did remember them fighting off the monsters that had grabbed at Finnick and then helping him up the ladder as Katniss made the machine explode on them.  

Finnick felt his heart leap slightly at the words. At the fact that he hadn’t actually been completely forgotten. That maybe there was hope for the rest of Caspian’s memories. even if the other couldn’t remember their childhood, he at least knew that he was worth saving. But Finnick had learned one times to many that hope was a dangerous thing.

Wrapping an arm for comfort around the younger man, Aridane let out a saddened sigh. She had heard of his brother’s relationship with his now fellow Tribute, as Finnick often spoke of the two. She knew how much they meant to him… Especially Caspian, of course.

“Your sure of that…?”

Finnick leaned further into her embrace, not caring who was around or what they may or may not think. All that mattered was Caspian and whether or not he was going to make it home. At her words he moved back away, any threat of tears mysteriously gone. 

“Yes. He told me. Before they took him he told me that he was going to do everything to make sure she won. Even if it meant killing himself.” The words were painful and he was sure that a thousand spears to the chest would have been preferable.