We are all beautifully & wonderfully made.

I went through a really bad pulling spell this past spring. I was undergoing a lot of stress between work, my personal life, etc. I let it get the best of me. I kept convincing myself that my pulling was not at bad as it could have been, but I hit a breaking point on my birthday. I made a pledge to myself that my 27th year of life would not include pulling. That was almost five months ago.

I never thought I would see the day when I would have to regularly get my eyebrows done or I would wear mascara on a daily basis. Once a month, I go to the mall and get my eyebrows threaded for upkeep. I’ve gone through almost an entire tube of mascara. Sometimes, I go to work without a lick of makeup on and I look normal.

I feel like I’m always stressed about something, but I just don’t let myself cross that line anymore. 

When I tried quitting all those times before, my eyelashes would grow out and, to keep my urges at bay, I’d satisfy them by pulling off my mascara at the end of the day, but that did nothing but thin my eyelashes to the point where I would inevitably start pulling again.

I don’t allow myself to do that anymore.

My fingers still wander toward my eyes. Hell, they’ve been doing that for the last 17 years - I don’t expect them to just magically cease. I allow myself to feel, but never to pull. I know that would open up a can of worms. Instead, no matter how weird or brittle mascara makes my lashes feel, I touch them once and move on. I keep my makeup on all throughout the day until the evening when I get in the shower and wash it off.

My eyelashes and eyebrows will never be as full as nature intended, but I am so grateful for this period of time where my will-power is strong. I hope I can keep this up. 

I still haven’t told my husband about this illness. Even though it’s not an issue right now, I still feel scared and nervous at the thought of telling him. I know he wouldn’t leave me or abandon me. I’m just worried that he would think differently of me or that’s what he would see every time he looked at me. 

I pulled at my bottom lashes last night and I felt terrible about it. As far as my eyebrows and top lid goes, I haven't touched either in 18 days. My eyelashes are finally becoming noticeable and my eyebrows just look like I need a wax terribly lol. I'm starting to feel really good about this despite my relapse yesterday. I wanna kick this thing all together but my main concerns right now are my top lashes and eyebrows.

Day 13 of no pulling. My eyebrows are starting to look a little unkempt and my eyelashes are finally starting to grow in decently; still short but they're there. The bottom lashes on my left are almost all grown in, if not completely and the bottom lashes on my left are almost caught up as well. I won't lie and say I haven't had any urges because I find myself constantly feeling my eyebrows and eyelashes...I haven't been yearning to pull though, otherwise they wouldn't still be there. However, I am adamant in remaining pull-free for the next 8 days in order to complete my 21-day habit break. I want to have nice, full eyebrows for Halloween and possibly some lashes to throw some mascara on. I'll probably have to fill my eyebrows in anyway just because my brows and lashes are so much lighter than my hair color. 

I'm looking at an article that says it takes about 7-8 weeks for eyelashes to grow back if pulled out. By the time Halloween gets here, I'll be about four weeks in so maybe that'll be enough to count for something. 

I added this wonderful girl who is an advocate for trich support on Facebook; her name is Katherine Paris and she just released a book about dealing with trich and I read an excerpt and I was so inspired by it that I decided to quit cold turkey for as long as I can..

I was never notified of this message and I am so sorry for not responding until now. The main reason I haven't been active on this blog is because I've been super busy with a new job and moving into my own house, etc. and I've also been ashamed because I relapsed a while ago and haven't quite quit again yet.

I am so sorry to hear about your relapse. I know how it feels. You feel ashamed and terrible but at the same time, you almost can't stop once you've started. You think you may as well finish the job. 

After 12 successful days of little to no pulling..I relapsed...

I pulled out quite a few from my right eye..I didn't pull them all out. It's just a few bald places.

That's what we're here for - support :) All of us have been there..I wish there was some guaranteed advice I could offer you, but I can't. All I can do is be here for you if you want to talk and offer you the most support possible. 

I have been battling with trich on and off for the past 12 years. It started in 5th and I would go through periods where I wouldn't pull at all and my eyebrows and eyelashes would be full and then I would go through periods where I would have zero eyebrows and eyelashes. I'm hoping that this time around, being pull-free somehow sticks.