don't threaten me with a good time

Until it didn’t.

That’s the thing about getting high, man. I feel you, Not the best incentive to get your shit together. I dropped out of college because I was getting high so you’re already a step above.

Oof, sorry bud. I’m no help with actual work but I’m a good ESA.

Enough. 

Oh I’m so GLAD I didn’t just chomp. Some of these suckers are fake.

Trevor: What are you doing today?

Work sucked.

Wanna talk about it?

I’m your brother, I barely count. What happened?

I did. It’s Lizzo. Jeeeeeeesus Christ, what’s your deal today?

Trev can’t remember the last time he ate, the last time he slept. Tuesday, maybe……morning? Fuck it, none of that mattered. Food wasn’t important now, sleep wasn’t important now. Not even the sadness creeping in through his brain mattered. There was only one thing that mattered and he needed it. Now.

He stumbled down the darkened street with his hands shoved in his sweatshirt pockets to try and make himself look inconspicuous. Even with the aid of the sweatshirt, he felt the shakes coming and his body trembled and shook with need. He had to find a fix and find it fast. Trevor was physically attempting to will the shakes and the nausea to stop. He would stop every couple of blocks and lean against a building to see if anything came up from his stomach but of course nothing ever did. He hadn’t eaten in three days so naturally there was nothing there. Try telling his stomach that, though. Maybe he’d die, it might be better if he did.

Fuck, why was he always so depressed when he was in withdrawl? 

After a few blocks of the longest walk of his life to date, he found where he was looking for.  The house he normally scored from was boarded up and abandoned, as was pretty much the whole block. There was an intense stench of urine and death, to put it nicely. Rats ran in and out of the boarded doors as Trevor pulled out his cell phone to text his dealer that he was outside. A pair of eyes peered around the door and Trev gave a little wave.  The door opened a little more and a rough voice called out. “What do you need, Trevor.”

“I’m looking for Tina, you know that.” A beat passed that felt like an eternity. “Please, dude. I’m really sick.” Fuuuuuuuuck did he sound pathetic.

“Hold on, let me ask my guy.” The door shut again and Trev continued to shiver, looking around to see if there were any pigs around. Needles littered the yard and Trev briefly, very briefly, considered seeing if he could swipe a needle from someone in the house. He had a pretty strict policy of using different needles every time he used but that policy had lapsed a bit over the past few months. Desperate times and all that. The door opened again.

“No Tina here, I have some brown and benzos.”

“Fuck you, I know you have it. You literally had it yesterday.” Trevor’s voice got lower and harsher. Not the way to go when you’re not in the power position but whatever, he was desperate. Fucks were gone.

“Excuse me?” The door flew all the way open and the man stepped onto the porch and fuuuuuck when did he get so big? Had he always been that big? He can’t trust his memory on shit like this, he was probably high last time he was here. This was about to get hairy so he figured pathetic-junkie mode was probably the way to go to bring the tension down. He shrunk back and toned himself down, a gift he really only used since he was using.

“Look, man. I know its a big ask but I’m sick and I really just need to get well. If I don’t get like….can I just have like, a gram, I’ll die without it, I really will. Whatever you can spare, man.” He held his money out with shaky hands and tried to look just as pathetic as he could possibly look. He was a small guy so that wasn’t super hard for him to do. The silence hung in the air for an eternity before the money disappeared from his hands and a bundle was shoved into it. The elation Trev felt was almost as good as the rush that he was going to feel later.

“Get the fuck out, Trevor. You’ll take half and you’ll like it.”

“Dude, I could kiss you on the mouth. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Trevor turned and scurried back down the pathway towards the sidewalk. “See you later, man.”

“Fuckin’ hope not.”

……you know, he wasn’t gonna read too hard into that response, he needed to find somewhere to use and he had to do it fast.  Ah sweet, Subway was down the block.  Maybe he’ll get himself a cookie.

“But like, I can’t imagine my life without it, you know. It’s like meth’s the greatest love of my life and if I leave her, I’ll die. I’m scared.” Trevor sat in his chair and listened to the new patient share. After the patient stopped talking, Trevor took his feet off his desk and leaned forward.

Get out. Get out before I put you in the hospital. Go live in squalor if you want, but you’re not doing it here.

Okay, Jesus Christ. I’llbringyoubreadtomorrowbye