60 is the new 40

I'm loosing the will to live! Have I died and nobody told me?

I'm sure there are other people out there who feel the same way but I am beginning to think this is limbo, nothing happens very slowly.... It's not like I'm looking for Charles Grey -what a disappointment 'that book' is I was expecting well something a bit ermm....exciting, its like a bowl of cold rice pudding - stodgy! How do you tell when peoples eyes are smouldering????? do they emit smoke? Sorry I digress but once again I get the threat of dates and then just a big fat nothing.

Corporal Collin has been having a whale of a time, quite literally given that the garden has now grown a swimming pool, well a jack Russell sized pool, its a bit muddy but he loves it, and he's got a new friend, well so have I its a Hedgehog! Spike - the hedgehog arrived last week I was delighted to see her or him as the slugs and snails are currently having a population explosion, what a nice thought hundreds nay thousands of slugs and snails exploding into smithereens. Anyhoo the hedgehog has obviously been lured into the garden by the veritable feast of slimy fellows. The blackbirds and other feathered raiders have had it away with the strawberries, the black, red and white currants have decided to call it a day, which is usually a bumper crop resulting in loads of jam, mmmmm. Not sure what happened, perhaps the flowers all wilted in the rain? The red onions have all run to flower and are the same size as the sets I planted, yet the white onions have done quite well...... its all doom and gloom down the veg patch don't think veg plants like swimming.

This morning I got up, natch, and I found an enormous bruise on my jawline big black one, not sure how that happened, perhaps I beat myself up in my sleep? looks like I have been socked on the jaw. That will give the neighbours something to talk about.

Keep this under your hat but I have it on very good authority that the weather is about to change and we shall be getting a heatwave, with, wait for it, real sunshine! there thats some good news even it the messenger was a rather strange old man who sits in the park talking to anyone who will listen, failing that the trees.

Don't forget your water wings.

Ok pull your chairs up I shall say this only once.... Sorry came over all allo allo there.

The bank of England has given the 'banks' (I can think of a nice rhyming word for them) a further fifty billion pounds, thats a hefty wad of cash, thats on top of the 367 billion they already gave them, they call it quantitive easing, I call it printing money. Guess how much has actually found its way into the 'real' economy? given that the Bank of England wanted all of it to end up in proper business accounts, 2 thats a big TWO per cent.

Its not working is it? I think they should have given each of us eighty quid, thats what they gave them eighty pounds for each man woman and child in Britain. We would have spent it locally - DIY, food, clothes, make up, booze, garden centre, online porn...... anything but it would have boosted the economy instead of 'bank' coffers.

Rant over as you were.

Ok just put my soap box back under the stairs.

Yesterday I went on a sort of date, I thought I would be going for a coffee and a piece of cake, sadly that wasn't the case. Now I'm an easygoing lass, but I should have spotted things were a bit adrift when he said we should meet in the Kinder car park, in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the week? I got there and realised the car park was not in the village, never mind I thought I have my fast getaway car to hand. There was a woman sitting reading beside her campervan, bit odd but whatever floats your boat, so I struck up a conversation with her 'I think I'm going walking' I said.... that should alert her if I fail to come back.... What was I thinking? I calmed down a bit as there were in fact lots of walkers around, in fact it turned out to be a jaunt on a very busy footpath.

Date arrived, I knew straight away this wasn't going to be the love of my life, plus he was shorter than his profile said, same height as me, I'm wise to that now so I was wearing flat shoes. He had dresses sort of shabby chic gone wrong but I don't judge a book by its cover, he was very softly spoken, when he spoke that is, which wasn't very often, but what really put me off....... He smelled of old clothes, you know the smell that greets you when you go into a charity shop. He arrived carrying a map and an umbrella, had I landed in a spy film? No he intended we should walk up Kinder, so there am I in my lovely white top, expensive jeans and suede moccasins......he's joking right?

No not a joke, thankfully I have a pair of trainers in the boot of my car, and here words fail me, I changed my shoes and went for a walk with him. It wasn't the stranger danger, there were far too many people around, it was a very hot humid day I went on a very steep climb up a very high hill, with a man I didn't know! I will draw a veil over the conversation - mostly me talking, whoops, the heat which made me red as a beetroot and sweat like a horse, yes I didn't just perspire I sweated, or the rain which bucketed down when we got to the top half way up. No the final straw was his text the next day that told me he had met someone who ticked more of his boxes, thats me off the hook.

Is it me or is this dating lark not as good as its cracked up to be???

Mystery of Collins fears has been solved. My neighbours are an odd lot, I shudder to think what their family dynamic is, what I've seen makes my hair stand on end, suffice to say their oldest son, who looks like the 'honey monster' is a very angry young man. Yesterday I saw him chase Collin out of their garden wielding a stick and screaming abuse at him, poor Col ran all the way home scared to death, poor boy was only doing his job. Don't think he will venture into that garden again, vermin permitting.....

Hope you are having a fun filled Friday, given the weather we are all 'Sleepless in Seattle', ho hum back to building that ark, now where did I put my hammer?

Whatever you do this weekend do it with passion.

She's being serious, don't worry I won't make a habit of this:

So the chairman and CEO of Barclays fall on their swords, its just another smoke screen...Still unresolved is the huge F. U. over toxic loans and bank bail outs, still not got to the bottom of that one have we?

Something which has gone unrecorded is where all this money went in the first place, who benefited from all the speculation? let me see that would be the bankers through their bonus's wouldn't it? The shareholders in the banks? certainly not the 99% who have been shafted by the 'system' 

So what to do? I suggest we follow the Icelanders and nationalise the banks, we've pretty much paid for them anyway, then instead of propping up ailing banks we pursue those who made profits out of the whole debacle and get them to pay back the plunder. 

We then give all the money we recover to the mothers of the various countries who bailed out the banks as a windfall.

Can you believe it! Its just cost me thirty six pounds to buy tick medicine for the dogs! But for that price they get sixteen weeks of cover - allegedly. British summertime has a lot to answer for, this is the first time the dogs have got ticks and its due to the humidity, rainfall and lack of sun, next year I'll invest in sheep dip, its a lot cheaper and lasts longer!

My new book shop is now officially open, I sold one book for fifteen pounds, sadly the postage was five pounds seventy and I only charged them two pounds eighty so bit of a shortfall there, none the less I am now a bookseller. Have been eyeing up the massive DVD collection, all I need to do is press gang number one son into downloading them all and storing the films on a spare hard drive and I can sell them all. Thrift, that should now be my middle name.

My hairdresser has disappeared which is a bit of a bummer as I have a date, well not a date exactly but meeting a nice chap for a coffee emmm sometime this week, but hair needs cutting and my very gay stylist has done one. Not sure what to do now, women develop a great deal of trust in their hair stylist, having emerged from salons looking like something to scare the horses let alone the birds on several occasions, its a great relief to finally find someone who gives a damn what you look like. Mine is very good he even chastises me if I don't 'make and effort' with my appearance, something which I am wont to do, 'you look like a bag lady' has been levelled at me on more than one occasion, by said hair cutter not all and sundry, so its good to have someone with impecable taste around to keep me on the straight and narrow. 

I once bumped into my hairdresser in the queue at our local Sainsbury's his eyebrows were looking decidedly red, so I asked him what was wrong...... He regarded me as a rather stupid child, 'I 've had them threaded, theres a woman over the way who's an absolute genius! you should try her" he shrieked, 'It looks painful" I said doubtfully, then without further ado in a very falsetto voice that only a gay man can do and very very loud he shrieked 'DAHLING, I'M A GAY MAN MY PAIN THRESHOLD IS VERY HIGH!!!!!'  Talk about a show stopper, every one in the place stopped and looked at us, you could have heard a pin drop, well you could if we hadn't spoilt it by collapsing into fits of giggles.

I imagine theres lots of shaking of heads and puzzled looks going on, its alright for you lot a quick run over your barnet with a number three, a shave, a shower, clean kecks and shirt, quick squirt of aftershave and off you go, you hav no idea what we women have to go through and I'm decidedly low maintenance, I have friends who spend up to four hours a week getting primped and then take two hours to get ready to face the world, in fact I have one friend who needs a two day warning to go to the local cafe for a coffee, I kid you not her husband of twenty five years has never seen her without makeup! Hmmmm they are still together and still in love, perhaps theres a lesson there, I have been remarkably remiss on the husband front.......

Memo to self- get bodywork fixed and start wearing make up!

Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers 'grow, grow. - Talmud Maintaining your lawn can be a hard task. For people who work long hours or those who have a physical disability, keeping their grass trimmed is often hard to do. Offer to mow a neighbours lawn for free. You'll be helping keep your neighbourhood beautiful and making a neighbour happy.

Has been lifted, its raining again my mornings sun was used up by a man from British Gas (and boy could he) trying to sell me solar panels - don't ask entered a competition at the Cheshire show, now they turn up and rob me of my sunny morning!

So here I sit bleeding all over the keyboard, I dodged out during a temporary lul to pick gooseberries, its amazing how prickly they are, I say prickly but the reality is more liked barbed! Veg plot looking a bit sorry, Potatoes denuded of leaves by slugs, squashes and pumpkins have drowned, peas and beans have disappeared, probably took one look at the weather and gave up the ghost. All is doom and gloom except for one solitary gooseberry bush which has thousands (i've told you millions of times not to exaggerate) of berries on it, the others look rather bare. I think this one which I rescued by replanting it when it was down to a few twigs is now repaying the compliment, the Blackcurrant's are looking fine too.

Corporal Collin has been out all day, obviously out on manoeuvres, he came back full of self importance and mud soaking wet through about half an hour ago, probably dug holes in someones lawn......

Must say this office (shed) is very snug and dry on a damp day.

Random act of kindness - smile at someone today for no reason, spread a little sun shine.

I made a rather rash move, I took the dogs for a walk, then took number one daughter to Winsford, on the drive back I remembered the frying pan and decided to travel home via John Lewis.By sheer luck rather than planning the sale had just started so I spent a few hours meandering around and actually bought quite a few bits and pieces, sadly the frying pan was not in the sale.

On the pan front I learned a great deal, mostly that I had thrown away two perfectly serviceable pans that I thought were shedding teflon ( reputed to cause cancer, but then what isn't?). It turns out that it was just me tuning the gas up too high and burning the olive oil, whoops.

During my meanderings I wandered into the designer room, in there were two rather haughty shop assistants, I asked if I could put my shopping down (frying pans are heavy) whilst I looked around? one assistant hurried out the other looked at me as though I was something smelly she had just stepped in, 'No' she said, 'you can have your shopping sent to the pick up point, but you can't just leave it here' ...... I didn't argue with her I just carried on browsing the rails whist balancing my purchases under my arms, not an easy task.

The problem was my atire 'never willingly undersold' - what kind of slogan is that? it doesn't make sense.... for all that the women in the designer department should adopt the slogan ' never knowingly under judged'! I was wearing my dog walking stuff, big old sweatshirt, a pair of old levi's and trainers..... It was a 'pretty woman' moment I actually spent over four hundred pounds on new clothes but they couldn't see past the shabby attire.

Not all the assistants in John Lewis are snobs, a very nice young asian man, seeing me looking at a linen jacket said 'that would really suit you, and I have teeshirt dress that would compliment it wonderfully' he then proceeded to go and get me a push along basket to put all my stuff in and helped me choose a pair of shoes.

The girls on the check out were super too, one told me I didn't look my age and they all agreed the women in the designer room were stuck up b's.

I had a Victoria Wood - Mrs Apron moment in the cafe when the lady making my pot of tea asked me four times which flavour I had ordered......

To end a perfect shopping day, the purse I had bought had the nectar card and a Tesco club card in it, so that wasn't a new one was it?

Never judge a book by its cover - take heed women in designer room at John Lewis!

Whatever you are doing tonight do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

Number one daughter had a job to do today, in Winsford which is thirty odd miles from here, so being an excellent and very generous mother I gave her a lift in the car, I also dropped off number one son at his job, there see aren't I nice?As I had to pick her up at 4pm I decided it was a cheaper option to go to the Cheshire show - feminine logic. I couldn't have picked a better day for it, glorious sunshine, just enough breeze super, and the show is somewhat larger than it was when I was a kid! There were so many rings, so much to see, stalls selling everything from solar panels to merc's. tea cups to tractors and lots of dogs there, the corporal would have loved it but he gets very travel sick he can just about manage two miles before he hurls so the distance was too great.

I had a Yoghurt ice cream, some cherries and a crepe for lunch with fresh orange juice, yum yum, then whilst I was walking round I ate some fudge more yummy's...... no prizes for guessing who nearly hurled on the way home!

A super day only one thing missing, someone to share it with, oh and sick bag in the car - just in case.

I got a nice surprise today...... A speeding ticket, apparently I was doing 35 in a 30 zone!Which sound awful, but the zone in question used to be a main dual carriage way into the city there are no houses, schools or crossing near the camera which is really just there to snap the poor unsuspecting road user who hasn't travelled down that road in ages! Grrrrrr!!!!! I hope they also did the three people in front of me who were also 'speeding'.

I don't mind getting fined for speeding but this is just an excuse to make money, I have driven for 39 years and never been done for anything except a parking fine (same day) will now have three points on my license, it's a pity they don't put camera's on roads where there are people actually using the pavements, crossing the road or outside schools, the road in our village regularly has cars speeding past the primary school at 40........

Rant over as you were.

I suppose I 've been lucky up to now as I do tend to drive a bit quickly, but I might add safely, one day I will get caught on the motorway doing 120 and they will throw the book at me......ouch!

Been nice out hasn't it? dug over the patch where I had the fire yesterday, then put my new excellent compost on it will put in potatoes tomorrow, then it will rain.  The corporal isn't very well, he's sleeping a lot and not his usual bustling self, I hope he hasn't eaten anything nasty, if he continues he will have to go to the (vets) spoken in a whisper, he doesn't like the vet, who is a rather large German man with an impenetrable accent and huge hands, but he's very good at his job its a shame both dogs hate him.

Someone mentioned that I don't write about the big dog, well theres not a lot to write, other than his fear of loud noises and phones - on account of being hit by a white van, emerged bruised but otherwise ok, but the loud bang scared him so much that he now has a phobia.  I don't know how my phone got entangled in his phobia but he goes to pieces every time it rings (metaphorically not literally) Its not good having a five stone GSD try to climb onto your lap when you're trying to talk to someone on the phone....... He's a very loving dog, but he has some very strange ways, I sometimes wake to find him sat at the side of the bed just looking at me, which is.......well, spooky. He's a very handsome dog but he's really 'TIm awfully nice but dim"

Whatever you are doing on this sunny tuesday evening have a blast.

I was supposed to be writing today, but I got side tracked - 'as per usual' I heard that, you're right of course I lit a bonfire instead. I use the term lit a bonfire very loosely, as what I actually did was strike a whole box of matches, eventually building the fire with matches and when I was down to one match I had an idea - I do have them occasionally, I got a barbeque lighter from the garage and lit that then threw the sticks on it.  What fun we had me the dogs and the fire, I used up all the available wood and leaves so I now have a bed in which to plant the potatoes - remember the very expensive potatoes I bought ages ago, well I planted the second lot of them. The first lot were doing really well but some pest or other has shredded all the leaves so I think I may dig them up soon, I hope the shredder was only working above ground......

I decided in my infinite wisdom that the culprits were probably some sort of flying thing and that the overhanging shrubbery around there was harbouring them, so I got out the cutting stuff and set to. Unfortunately there is a hop growing through the shrubs and the first inkling I got of the trouble was when the corporal who was sitting some distance away started sneezing. Uh-ho problems my nose began to run then I started sneezing too, thats when I noticed I was covered in pollen, so into the house have a shower, still sneezing, its beginning to subside just got a throbbing nose now. Poor Collin practically turned himself inside out sneezing so much, I shall give him a shower, well hes miserable now so a shower will just add to it, but at least he will be able to stop.......eventually, of course he wont speak to me for hours but hey ho, revenge for barking all night on Saturday.

Every dog has his day and every bitch her afternoon.

can't get much worse they inevitably do.....

Today I braved the deluge and drove number one daughter into the city to buy (I pay for - see how she did that, no? I missed it too) shoes and underwear for a catwalk assignment. On the way into the city I got flashed by one of those GITZO things I was doing 34 on a 30 mph road that used to be a dual carriageway, GRRRRR!!!! Then after doing the shopping we returned to the car and a Traffic n*z* (diary bounced for inappropriate content? ) was writing me a ticket, my five pounds for two hour ticket had run out, four minutes ago, more GRRRRR!!!! So trip to city for daughters things has cost me forty pounds for shoes, twenty five, no thirty to park, sixty pounds for speeding and fifteen pounds for her underwear, which makes a mockery of the one hundred and fifty pounds I saved on a bag in the sales.

Oh well what you never have you never miss.

I'm supposed to be going to the first night of a summer exhibition tonight, but Wellies and a nice frock? not a good look, so if this rain continues I will sit on sofa watch a chick flick and drink a bottle of wine, actually that sounds like a better idea, drown sorrows with alcohol.......

Whatever you are doing tonight, have fun, don't forget clean kecks and a tenner for the taxi home,  and if you have a date, that person stalking you, peering in through the window, the one thats soaking wet through and has a very green face?..... thats me that is.

of company recently, so have kept my own counsel and lay low for a while. Not my usual bouncy self - makes me sound like a rubber ball, but am now getting back to normal, getting a grip etc.

So many of my favourites have either left or are going through lows, I think its catching, a sort of virus, 'can't be assed' or CBA, I deffo had a case of it.

I had a date last week, not the best of dates, the datee thought my profile was off putting made me seem too clever too unattainable, that didn't help either.....

But I have got on with my life, pulled up my socks, have been going through excess stuff and researching selling it, been doing the garden, today for instance Corporal Collin decided to attack the lawnmower, so everytime I set off down the lawn I had to stop as a small dog was savaging the wheels, had visions of ending up with lawn covered in dog chips so had to shoo him away, eventually locking him in the kitchen, where he sulked, he isn't talking to me now and is glaring around the door at me........ see if I care you silly little dog!

I hope tomorrow will be a nice day and I will continue to feel things are getting better - cue Labour party song!

Hope you are all having a great evening.

bad diary writer.My deepest and sincerest apologies, but I do have an excuse. I got tangled up in my real life, well my cyber life in a way.....

I have started the ball rolling on a short film,a very black comedy and I ought not talk about it as I am sure to jinx it, there are gremlins who are waiting to pounce on chickens counted, I love a good mangled metaphor, but you probably guessed that already. Fingers and toes crossed on that one, awaiting production companies decision.

I have started a blog for Corporal Collin, he's going to be famous, but I'm not telling him that as he's big headed enough already.  Speaking of the cute little psycho killer, he's incurred the wrath of the blackbirds, having spent the last few weeks sitting gazing up at a nest in the honeysuckle just waiting fot the nestlings to attempt to fly, he missed it. I think they were wise to his intentions and all flew during the night because on Tuesday morning they had all gone, a sort of Jubilee fly pass, but of small birds, nice. The Corporal was incensed did a quick recee of the garden then gave up....... or so I thought. I was sorting out the garage when the sound of birds going crazy alerted me to the little blighter's plans, there he was in the jungle behind the shed jumping four feet into the air trying and almost succeeding in grabbing a nest of blackbird babies. He is now banned from the big garden and I am getting mighty tired of rushing out to stop him menacing the poor things through the fence.

On wednesday he ran ten feet up a tree after a squirrel, it was a true work of art, like those guys who run up walls as a hobby - count me out boys!

I have also started culling the excesses in this house, I am in the process of emptying the spare bedroom, visitors are expected in July, after that its the garage then the attic. Watch out ebay she's coming......

Hope you all have a wicked weekend inspite of the weather.

Errors and omissions have been made, it would appear that my fan base not only doubled, it has actually quadrupled (big word for Monday) they, who are they? should put me in charge of the economy I could make us all rich - not.

Today it has been too hot to garden, my office (shed in garden) was like an oven and then I got tired of splashing self with wood rot hardener, got to keep this crumbling wreck together somehow, can't afford new windows, anyway these are only twelve years old. Sadly ex was skinflint and although I campaigned for them he would not pay the extra for hardwood windows, so here I am trying like King Canute to hold back the tide of creeping decrepitude that all houses sucumbe to eventually if not kept on top of. More getting of grip.

As I said I got tired of wondering what damage would befall those bits of me splashed with the chemicals, so I took Corporal Collin for a walk down to the canal where the trees shade the water and it always feels much cooler. On the way there he disgraced himself by jumping into a very muddy pond, he came out with mud covering his lower half, he then proceeded to roll in dust covering his other half with sandy dust, he was very proud of the results and strutted off down the path with his head held high. What handsome chap I am he was thinking for oh ...... about five seconds, because I grabbed him and thew him into the canal! He cursed and spluttered and swam to the bank emerging all clean again, then I swear, he glared at me.

Oh to see ourselves as others see us.......

Have a chilled out evening in the sunshine

Not really,( gosh she's such a big headed girl), my two fans - notice that my fan base has doubled in size, have mailed asking where I've been (you don't want to know, trust me) and what I've been up to, well, are you sitting comfortably? then I shall begin......

Long ago many far far aways, there lived a lonely old widow woman, one day a huge wind came a long and thought it would be fun to blow her greenhouse down....... zzzzzz Sorry drifted off there.

After the 'help' and I use that word in its widest possible context, from the yoof in erecting the sides of the new greenhouse our heroine decided to tackle putting on the roof with her number one son (who when things are not going well swears a lot). Of course this being reality, nothing in the building actually fitted together snugly and working in three dimensions (oh how I wish that we could work in the forth) the building left a lot to be desired, namely panels that fitted together, glass that wasn't cut on a slant by a chimpanzee, enough cladding material.....a cordless drill and screw driver whose batteries lasted more than five minutes......

To cut a long story short after cobbling together 200 feet of various wiring extensions we used a heavy duty masonry drill and screw driver combo with an extension thing to make for easy switching betwixt the two, which kept falling off. We finished it! the two inch gap in the roof panels we fixed with some random wood we had in the garage, the doors open, sort of but if you push the right front corner of the building they open properly, there are various botch up bits where the rather flimsy building has been reinforced with extra wood, also from garage and the whole thing has been screwed down onto 4 x 4 sleepers. The suppliers assured me that the whole build could be built in half a day by two people, they lied, it took four people one day and two people a further four days to complete. It looks ok from a distance.

So instead of the beautifully crafted cedar greenhouse of my dreams I have a flimsy redesign of a cheap garden shed with plastic windows......oh hum, but its a green house and my tomato and peper plants are very happy in their new home and proved it by growing rapidly! Never ever buy a cheap wooden greenhouse.

Last night I went out with some girl friends to Bramhall, we had a great meal, all four of us are single so one of our number suggested a local bar frequented by singles of our age group. Should have known better, this is the same friend who thought going to Alderley Edge on a Friday night would be a good idea, it is if you like to watch twenty something botoxed, boob enhanced, tango tanned, scantily clad lasses throw themselves at elderly overweight, wealthy (yeah whatever) sartorially challenged chaps. The bar was packed to the rafters with over forties trying to recapture the halcyon days or rather nights of their twenties, except everyones older, fatter more folically challenged and really trying too hard, all to the musical score provided by some nondescript 'house music' which isn't really house music and isn't loud enough. - Epic fail!

Beam me up Scotty.

Don't get me wrong I enjoyed myself, mostly laughing at the way some of the peeps were dressed, meow, or just at life in general, we didn't stay for more than one drink.

I think we could make a fortune opening bars for discerning (normal) people of our age group where the music is great, the drinks reasonably priced and there is a large gay man on the door who doesn't let anyone in who isn't dressed in a way that doesn't offend all the laws of common sense, decency and taste.

Think that last sentence defied all the grammatical laws of the universe, I don't care its the bank holiday and the suns shining!

As my Gran always said 'buy cheap buy twice'

I saw something nasty in the wood shed, that would be Corporal Collin then.

of yesterday, as in the day before today, but you knew that didn't you?

On Sunday night number one son and his two bessie mates for reasons which elude those of us over thirty decided to have a gaming in bedroom party, as they all had the next day off, they fuelled this with lots of beer some J.D. and coke, something odd smelling which they smoked in the garden, all the biscuits in the house and some of the cake in the tin....... I went to bed at eleven and they were fairly quiet as I fell asleep, however they partied on. At three thirty I was awoken by the big dog, being a snitch, not amused by his 'theres a boy fallen down the well' antics, I got up to investigate, son was unconscious fully clothed on his bed and two surrogate sons were on the trampoline in the garden, listen they said all the birds are singing, you probably woke them up I scowled at them and they got the message. Peace reigned until seven thirty, when the new greenhouse arrived, that'll teach em.

The driver was very chatty and I might add rather attractive, as he unloaded the van, he had driven 100 miles - must have got up very early. I was fetchingly attired in my over long gentlemans towelling robe with tousled blond hair all over the place, I was hoping for Marilyn Monroe photo look, but probably got nearer batty old bird does wee willy winky look. I digress.

'Sorry did I get you up' asked the driver, hmmm think he's a bit slow on the uptake duh dressing gown, 'who's erecting the the greenhouse?'  'me and my son' I answered 'what about your other half?' he asked 'Dont have one' then I said it 'he died'

It went very quiet, he drained his coffee and did a hasty retreat.

Note to self, any woman in bedroom attire no matter how old and how much it covers looks attractive to a man but widowhood is not a turn on! First offer I've had in over two years and I blew it (if you don't count the horny text man).

So I got dressed and started hoovering the house.......

After they had breakfasted on bacon sarnies- they can cook, they were rehydrating with copious cups of tea whilst lolling about on the sun drenched patio - notice how I did that? commented on the lovely weather without directly mentioning it, that exposition done properly, -oh never mind. I popped the question, "so who's going to help me build the new green house?' Well it was a rhetorical question, 'that would be the three of you then' Guilt is a wonderful thing, they nodded, lets get cracking then I said leading the way and when they were getting stuck in, well attempting to work out what to do without reading the instructions I snuck off to the timber merchants with number one daughter, who is never one to pass up the opportunity to look at the oposite sex wherever they gather.

Our local timber merchants is a wonderful place and the guys there give me respect, they didn't at first, but whilst renovating this old wreck of a house, through constructing the log cabin - my office shed, and re-roofing the garage, they learned that I can actually order timber by the cubic meter, the running meter and that I do that correctly...... So whilst he checked for the third time that I had asked for the correct amount of wood to make the base for the greenhouse, using a pencil and paper......  number one daughter took to fiddling with anything within reach on the counter, 'put that down!', 'don't flash that l.e.d. light in my eyes'! finally 'just go and stand over there and don't touch anything' My fault I should have beaten her more regularly as a child.

I then had to spend ten minutes explaining that the reasoning behind cutting the lengths in half was so that I could make any small adjustments to size should the manufacturers sizing be out, I have learned this is more than likely, and It had the added benefit of my being able to put the wood in my car!

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the boys had done splendid work on the build, if you don't look too closely the odd gap, the roof panels put in with coating still on....

We had a barbecue and 'Swedish' cider as a reward as the sun went down and after his friends had left number one son said' we'll finish tomorrow, you and I, after we've undone all the bits that are wrong'.

Yoof is no match for age and guile.