Miles ❤️

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Miles ❤️

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my armenian father getting angry at a squirrel
“you are. stealink…. my nuts…”
Step 1: Remove filters in Reflecting Pool because Obama put them in.
Step 2: Give your criminal neighbor who runs "Greenwater Services" a $20 million no-bid contract to paint the pool.
Step 3: Fill the pool with water from the Potomac River, the phosphates from which cause algae blooms.
Step 4: Freshly sealed pool and extreme heat result in a super scum event
Step 5: Direct National Park Service to dump hydrogen peroxide into the pool which causes the paint to peel.
Step 5: Deploy US National Guard to stop people from taking photos of the swamp as a perfect metaphor for the administration.
you know I never put it together that he built his platform on draining the swamp and then like went and made a swamp and now refuses to drain it
6. Spread conspiracy theories that the Democrats have deliberately sabotaged the pool and arrest whoever pulls out the floating paint chunks as vandals.
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
The process of making my cat quilt

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Wonder how this queen is doing today
Edit: For those wondering, this is from a 70s nsfw sci-fi zine called "alien brothers" (more specifically, page 83). This little paragraph was right above a k/s smut fanfic written by this lady.
Ok, so in the original Bram Stoker novel, sunlight is not lethal to Dracula. He just loses most of his powers. I'm bringing this up cuz I want a horror comedy where the hero, sensing dawn, tears off the curtains as a last-ditch effort only to have the vampire go "Aw shit, there goes most of my fancy powers. Guess I'll have to beat your ass the old-fashioned way" then proceeds to just deck the hero cuz a vampire at half-strength is still a fucking vampire.
Last ten minutes of the movie is the vampire just beating the shit out of everyone to I'm Walkin On Sunshine. I would watch this.
Alternatively -
Hero: Ha! You have no powers!
Vampire:
With the knowledge that Vulcan has regularly high winds & subsequent sandstorms I propose a type of guy: midwestern dads watching tornadoes but for Vulcans. Somebody's uncle Sovar standing outside with his hands on his hips watching a massive cloud roll closer. Unconcerned because this happens, like, every couple of weeks. He's like "this one is large, is it not" yes it is go back inside Sovar
The one Vulcan aspect Kirk can excel at.
Kirk: “Oh yeah I’m from Iowa. It’s part of something called tornado alley.”
Spock: “Where’s the captain? The storm is getting worse.”
Crewman: “He’s out there with the other Vulcans. He told us to wait in the shuttle.”
i got to participate in another @dames-zine / @novaandmali project! (slaps zine cover) this bad boy can fit so many queer knights in it
you can find the kickstarter here:
An art book about queer knights - celebrating all knights and their love.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Played with the star trek title generator
sat among the soft seagrass🌾🐚
✦ find me on instagram @the.flightless.artist ✦
is anyone else annoyed that "ai" encompasses both chatgpt and tools we train to do repetitive tedious work for us. and by the ripple effect of articles like "scientists develop ai to detect cancer early" that make people argue for the merit of chatgpt or become anti-medicine. and by the general state of the world and society
the fact that I’ve actually had this happen multiple times when I’ve entered a new fandom is hilarious like what do you MEAN
no beta we die like Daniel Jackson (repeatedly and in progressively weirder ways)
do not go gentle into that good night
be a bit of a bitch about it
can't in good conscience leave this out

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The Muppet Movie (1979) dir. James Frawley