The Quote Board

stop everything, this is bitty doing research for his thesis

there’s more lmao, unhinged bitty energy

Our sweet, sweet child needs to cool before we add the finishing touches!

After dinner, we’ll give it a taste test!

My…

God.

It’s incredible!

This stupid cake, made with potatoes … is delicious! It’s so sweet, moist, and decadent, just like a brownie! And I don’t even like chocolate or potatoes!

The recipe from the tiktok was pretty much impossible to find. I looked high and low, but everyone posted recipes that I KNOW he didn’t use because the ingredients and methods were different. After some searching, my grandma and I came up with our own recipe.

For the Cake:

1 cup mashed potato

2 cups sour cream

1 ¾ cup flour

1 ¾ cup sugar

¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

½ cup softened butter

2 eggs

1 ½ tsp baking soda

1 tsp vanilla

Pinch of salt

For the Drizzle:

4 oz semi-sweet chocolate

½ cup sugar

3 tbsp corn syrup

2 tbsp water

A lot of recipes called for a mixer or a processor, but my grandma and I wanted to make an every-man kind of recipe, since we know not everyone has those things. Plus they’re heavy and a pain to clean anyway, so bowls it is!

Instructions:

1. Peel and boil the potato, then mash it. Set aside to cool. Go to the bathroom, do your homework, then come back. That should be enough time.

2. Set oven to 350°F.

3. Cream butter. This means putting the sugar and butter into a bowl and mashing it together with a fork until it’s thoroughly mixed.

3. Put everything else in the same bowl, including the mashed potato. Mix and stir well. Work those muscles!

4. Grease a pan (doesn’t matter what kind you use) and spatula batter into pan. Even out if necessary.

5. Bake in oven for 40 minutes.

6. Test cake with pick. If nothing sticks, it’s finished. If batter does stick to pick, let it bake a bit longer but make sure it doesn’t burn. Remove and set aside to cool.

For the Drizzle:

1. Cut chocolate into tiny squares.

2. In a small pot, mix sugar, corn syrup, and water.

3. On medium heat, wait for mixture to sizzle and stir it. Do NOT let it boil.

4. Remove from element and add chocolate.

5. Wait for squares to melt, then mix.

6. Drizzle or pour over cake.

Chocolate Potato Cake

½ cup butter 1 cup sugar 2 eggs ½ cup milk ½ cup hot riced potatoes [just pure potato, mashed, no milk or butter or pepper or salt or whatever, just pure mashed potato] 1 cup flour 2 tsp baking powder ½ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp clove ½ tsp nutmeg ½ cup grated chocolate ½ cup chopped nut meats [optional, never ever feel pressured to add nuts to your chocolate cake, our guy here didn’t!]

Just… put everything into the mixing bowl in that order, with lots of mixing in between each addition.

Into a greased and/or lined tin, and then into a moderate oven for 55 minutes (or until cooked).

Frosting

2 Tbs butter 1 cup sugar ¼ cup milk 1 square unsweetened chocolate ½ tsp vanilla [also optional, since again, not mentioned by our maker here!]

“Moon is very introverted, so I’m honoured that he shared his euphoric biscuit-making skills with me today“ 

Nothing. You get it fixed, or you don’t. Whatevs.

You know what actually happens when you are depressed or sick or on your period and don’t cook dinner?

Nothing. You still get to eat something, nobody scolds you, it doesn’t have any real bearing on your future success, and you don’t get soft shunned for a week by your family.

You know what actually happens when you break stuff, forget stuff, get sick, fall asleep, are rude, miss a flight, don’t know how to do XYZ thing on fixing cars or canning food or whatever, lose things, get lost because you can’t read a map and forgot to charge your phone, buy the wrong groceries, plant the wrong plants, not make your bed, make your bed wrong, jump on your bed, sleep on your bed, eat crackers in your bed, have emotions literally anywhere?

Nothing.

Nothing happens.

No one is mad.

No one can hurt you, and if they do there are laws saying they can’t and that it’s an actual crime with legal consequences.

All there are are outcomes and different paths and different problems and different situations and you just bumble your way forward into dealing with those and that’s it. That’s the whole thing. It’s not the wrong choice, having problems isn’t indicative of your inherent badness or inadequacy or lack of applying yourself. It’s just life, and it’s happening to literally everyone.

I’m not even kidding.

You just do stuff and nothing bad happens. Walk around existing? Nothing bad will happen. Wild.

I got told to "take care of it soon please" and let go with a warning. Today I went to the DMV and paid a $5 late fee along with the 2-year fee for registration, got new plates and stickers and that was that.

A year late. No big deal. No one was shocked or appalled. It was just a thing that happened and then I took care of it. No biggie.

Do you know what happens if you forget to file your income taxes one year (look, I was still drinking pretty heavily, I forgot a lot of things that year)?

Literally nothing, the IRS has a little section on their site that reads “did you forget to file? Just file within 3 years to avoid any fines.”

People mess up. We make mistakes. There is almost always a mechanism to fix them.

I’m still that skinny kid from Brooklyn, now just in a big metal suit.

“As always, sir, a great pleasure watching you work.”