CORDELIA: i don’t get why everyone makes the grim reaper out to be a bad guy i mean he’s just taking to you to the afterlife it’s not like he killed you it’s actually quite nice of him to walk you there imagine if you had to go alone

“Oh, I’m definitely going to need to see you test this out.”

“Okay first though you have to promise me something -- you cannot film it or take a picture. Nothing on social media. Pretty sure I have some bad dares already roaming around the internet and I don’t need anything else while I may or may not be a little buzzed. Okay that’s a lie, I’m pretty drunk.”

“In the nineties, maybe. I’d be better off pretending to be a hipster and telling anyone willing to hear that I am beyond phones.”

“Hey that could work too but you seem too buff to pull the whole hipster vibe. Like seriously -- you look like something that could be on Baywatch or something.”

         “Jesus Christ, you have to be the god damn clumsiest person I know.” The male commented, exhaling a sigh as he suppressed the laughter that built in his throat. “I guess you can borrow some of mine.” He added motioning to the clean pile folded neatly on the coach. 

“Guilty but hey at least I’m honest about. Not sure I could really lie to save myself either so there’s that too.” Avery found himself so quick to agree, though smiling not really too embarrassed by it. “Thanks dude. I definitely owe you one. Seriously, I’ll buy you pizza and candy. Those are definitely my specialties.” Smiling his gratitude from the offer and then going to the pile and grabbing various articles of clothing.

       “That makes absolutely no sense, clearly you’re showing your true colors tonight huh? Lightweight. You really wanna test someones sobriety, yoga is where it’s at.”

“You say lightweight , I say smart. Shoot--stuff here is so expensive. One shot I found out is like 10 dollars. I can get a whole bottle for that! Yoga? Now, that just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. I’d probably rip my pants and nobody wants to see that I can assure you.”

“You? A bad influence? Now I’m listening. You know, I was so sure they’d stopped making the male species both pretty and intelligent enough to know when not to argue, maybe you’re an anomaly and I’m totally fucking okay with that.”

“Uh, well I don’t want you to drink if you don’t want to? I think that was a compliment so I”m just gonna nod and say thanks. So thanks. But really, you’re kind of intimidating. You do know that right?”

“I can’t tell if I’m not drunk enough to understand that, or too drunk.”

“You seem okay -- I’d say I can’t smell the booze on you but my senses are currently overwhelmed by the Fireball musk. I swear my mouth feels like a hot tamale right now.”

Chandler chuckled. “You are not wrong, man.” It had been a long time, many decades in fact, since he could attest to being drunk. He drank a lot, pretty regularly, but as a werewolf it took more than it would for the average man. “Ayyy, if you wanna lay on this nasty ass bar floor..” Chandler shrugged. “I won’t stop ya.”

“Actually on second thought--you might be on to something. Shoot, they’re supposed to clean every night right but I think there’s a wad of gum I’ve seen here for like two weeks straight. That can’t be a coincidence right?”

“Apple? When it comes to their own shit, sure. But when it comes to handing something out, I don’t think so, man.”

“Hm -- I don’t know, I mean you could always go with those flip phones. I heard they’re making a come back.”

“You’re not drunk if you can tolerate people saying dumb shit like that — clearly I need another, come on, bozo, you can lie on the floor later, we’re doing shots.”

“I mean, I don’t want to be a bad influence. But hey you seem like someone I shouldn’t argue with. Not that I do, but yeah sure okay.”

“You spend way too much time online, I mean it. Time for an internet intervention, and no I don’t think I need you to test it out, I believe you.”

“Come on some of those drunk texts memes are hilarious. Lucky for me, I left my phone at home -- just in case. Don’t drink and text is my motto.”