burn in hell

And the main reason I hate it is because after we broke up, my best friend asked to date him, and I said yes. They could have been hurt, abused, raped. I can’t blame myself; I couldn’t remember what he did to me. But if they would have gotten hurt, it would be all my fault.

I wish I would have remembered. I’d rather live with every single memory of our relationship than think about the fact that I put my best friend in danger.

I understand the discourse behind Thirteen Reasons Why. For example, its graphic scenes aren’t something I was happy with. I’ll be the first to admit it.

But fuck, it helped me. I was raped too, and Jessica and Hannah both related to me on personal levels. I saw myself in the show. I saw my mental disorders. I saw my insecurities. I saw the way I had friends who remained friends with my abuser. I saw my repressed memories. I saw my loss of any will to live. I saw my abuser happy with his own life as though he wasn’t affected. I saw myself trying to get help and getting shot down.

I saw so much of myself and I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I needed that.

But then I saw all the discourse, and the way people attacked each other over it. It ruined everything. I can’t watch the show anymore. I tried, but I can’t.

I understand why it’s a very problematic show. I do. But don’t attack people for liking something, especially if it’s for coping reasons. I’m looking at you, anon who has been harassing me for weeks because I made literally two posts about it in fucking April. Does anyone else see the irony in being told to kill myself because I like this show?!