burning pine trees

scared scared scared scared scared SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED–

HAVE TO RUN AWAY WE HAVE TO RUN WE’RE NOT SAFE HERE WE HAVE TO RUN–

i literally could not care less

they’ll find us again, they’ll find us again, they’ll hunt us, they’ll hurt us, we can’t hide forever–

incredible feeling of doom and dread with no explanation

**makes a mistake** time to cut off all communication with everyone ever because i am only capable of hurting people

i feel fantastic! wait – nope, it’s gone

NIGHTMARES

**something completely irrelevant takes place** *TRIGGERED*

there is literally nothing wrong, why do i feel so terrified

You Did Something. You Fucking Did Something To Me. I Can’t Remember But I Know You Did. How Dare You Set Foot In Here

“you’re your own worst enemy” except it’s fucking true

can the children please stop screaming now it’s 3 AM. no i meant the children inside my head

did you hear that?? DID YOU HEAR THAT

please don’t raise your voice god please i’ms os orry i’m s rory p ease don t hur tm e i did nt me anit l ltike th a t

T a i n t e d 

**someone asks a question** **everyone has to fucking answer**

“wow you’re such a strong person” no. i’m not. i’m fucking weak. i literally crumbled mentally from what happened to me. go fuck yourself.

wanting to touch and be touched but at the same time being touched is terrifying and makes you vomit in your mouth

“hey you wanna cuddle?” “actually nevermind i feel gross don’t touch me” “HEY YOU WANNA C–”

can’t sleep my head is too loud

Who am i? WHO AM I!? WHAT AM I WHO AM I WHO 

one completely random sound = Flashback Hell

wait you mean you don’t have 15 voices in your head constantly disagreeing with you??

is that pain? i can’t tell

it’s not working my coping methods aren’t working it’s not working IT’S NOT WORKING

“your experiences make up who you are” thanks, looks like i’m made up of the trauma and hell my abusers put me through.

am i hungry, anxious or need to pee, or all three

i showered yesterday. wait it was 4 days ago??

you kicked me from front for 3 days what the FUCK did you do

that’s not my name that’s not my name that’s not my name that’s not my name that’s not

i did that?? are you sure??? did i really do that??? did i really say that???

WHY CAN’T I FUCKING REMEMBER ANYTHING I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I DID TEN MINUTES AGO I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING RIGHT NOW HOW THE HELL DID I SURVIVE AT ALL THIS LONG

i’m alive? you mean i’m not dead? why do i feel like i’m decaying?

who is that

do you remember what you did? do you remember at all? do you even care? you don’t care. you just act like it never happened. 

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.

why do i feel like it’s 2007 and i’m 12 years old

i literally was capable of doing this yesterday who the fuck forgot

am i fronting? am i co-fronting? am i real? is any of this real? are my alters even real? 

why do i feel like i’m f  a  d  i  n  g

i wish i knew what i was like if i didn’t have all this shit that fucked me up.

10/03/19 . 10:20pm

me @ 4 am: