Around 6:30 p.m. today, as I was eating my dinner at Inaās Eatery, I overheard the two ladies seated in front of me talking about death. Well, it is something that Iām used to hear. It is not something unfamiliar to me. Iāve been a witness of deaths and loss. But this time, the wordĀ ādeathā made me feel weak, frightened, afraid, silent for a moment. All of a sudden I felt the emptiness that death has brought me. I thought Iāve overcome its pain, but I was wrong.Ā
When I was in college, I remember my teacher who once asked us to write something about death. She asked the infamous question:Ā āAre you ready to die?ā as a guide for the write-up. Without second thoughts, I answered the question with an earnest conviction that I am ready to die soon, anytime-- anywhere. But this time, as I was trying to comprehend again that word-- death, I became ashamed of my answer. I was never ready to die. I am not ready to die. I am not yet ready to die. Ā I became a fragile, cold, living creature for a moment-- I froze. āI donāt like this wordā, I said to myself. I hate it. I hate the fact that it is like Change, itās inevitable and can always happen at any moment-- anytime, anywhere.
Death, of all forms of goodbye, is permanent and forever. It is never temporary. And itās always painful. And that terrified me. That challenged me. How can I defy death? No. I cannot defy it neither you. No one has ever defy death except Jesus Christ. But human as I am, I cannot defy it but what can I do?Ā
As I was finishing my meal, Iāve come to a realization that I must make use of my time. I must make sense of this existence. I must leave a trail-- a legacy perhaps. While Iām still alive, I should work on Ā mending broken relationships; doing the things that Iām passionate about. I should make a change, a difference in my own little way to make this world a better place to live for the coming generations. And last of all, I must learn to love and surrender.
Surrender, as in give all my best and strength to do the things that I am called to do in this lifetime. Surrender, by all means, give up everything to the one who created me. To the one who faithfully strengthens me to subdue the evil force of death.