A Trans Man's Partner

Will’s account of today 

Today has been funny but all in good ways. We had a really late start - I think we got out of bed around noon - and Will was really sleepy for most of the afternoon. But this evening, his range of motion is a lot better, and he can do more for himself - feeding, drinking, even cooking a little bit. We’re trying to watch his energy levels really carefully but also trying not to drive ourselves totally up the walls. 

He’s feeling really down about not being able to shower, but on the upside, today he was able to read to keep himself occupied which was really nice for the both of us. We had some hours with no TV, just Christmas music and relaxing (he coloured and read while I did some computer work) and it was really nice. 

The drains are steadily going down more and more with each day - there’s less and less coming out each time, which is really nice. 

Will’s account of Day 3 Will’s account of Day 4

Will’s account of the day

So this was our first full day at home post-surgery, and followed our first full night at home post-surgery, which included two wake-ups for pain meds. We did the drains every 12 hours (8 and 8). I spent the night on the floor, and ended up spending the next couple nights on the floor as well, just because I’m what Will gently calls an “active sleeper” and neither of us wanted to risk me hitting his chest in my sleep or something.  His appetite was way better than I expected, but he did need to be spoonfed, which was an idea he hadn’t been very happy about pre-surgery. But he was actually really great about it in the moment. He ate a ton, but in little bursts; two pirogies here, some soup there, two more pirogies later, lots of oranges, some avocado with pasta and chicken, so on. 

I had to go to a work lunch which was really irritating but nice - I enjoyed the lunch, I love my coworkers, but I just wanted to be home and resting with Will most of all. Will’s mum left while I was gone and my dad stopped in to sit with Will until I got home that afternoon. 

The drains were much simpler than I was expecting, and luckily Will didn’t feel any discomfort when I emptied them. The hospital sent us home with a pamphlet that was really clear on what I needed to do, and also the nurse who walked me through it was great.  I highly recommend making a pill schedule and setting alarms on your phone!  I had alarms for the pills every four hours, the drains every twelve hours, and a piece of paper where I had all the meds he needed along with the durations (i.e. “1-2 T3s every 4 hours”), and I noted down the time/amount/type of med on the paper so I could keep track of it all. 

So on the day of, Will was scheduled to check in at the hospital at 6 AM, so we had to be up and in the car for 4:45 AM, which to be honest was great because we didn’t spend a lot of time the day of just twitching time away, but also terrible because I am not very well-suited to mornings and felt subhuman at best. 

He left us to start disinfecting and whatnot around 7 AM. 

Then, his mum and I basically puttered around the city, getting breakfast, doing some errands, getting coffee, and reading, until ONE THIRTY PM when the hospital finally called us to let us know we could pick him up in about half an hour. This was probably the hardest part of the entire process for me, just the not knowing what was happening and also the multiple places/activities. I think there are roughly two types of ways people cope when their loved ones are in the hospital: they either like to get very busy to keep their mind off of things, or they like to stay as close as possible to the hospital. Neither method is better or worse, but unfortunately Will’s mum falls solidly in the camp of liking to be busy and I fall in the camp of wanting to just camp out in the hospital and drink coffee. So that was really hard.

I was so so so happy to pick him up, I honestly felt like I had full on tunnel vision at that point, I just wanted to see him. He looked really pale in the face, and was a bit dizzy when he had to stand up for me to dress him, and the pain was obviously present, but he seemed largely alright.  The ride home was hard; any sort of stop and bump in the road seemed to cause him a lot of pain which wasn’t the best, obviously. 

And then home, Will blearily explaining Buffy the Vampire Slayer to his mum (”vampires don’t have souls. But Angel has a soul”) and loads of sleep.  I know that the drains are sort of an intimidating concept to a lot of partners, I think, but overall I found the drains less unwieldy/irritating than the pain meds at first - he needed one or two T3s every four hours, so we were up twice a night. Nothing was really that irritating, though, just because this is such a happy event, you know? More on the process of the drains in the next post.