Which of the Hamilton characters should you fight?
Alexander Hamilton: You could definitely land a punch or two, but he'll just spend the next 30 years talking shit about you under a press pseudonym.
Thomas Jefferson: You have a moral obligation to fight him (and rip his terrible pink velvet vest in the process), but it won't be easy. Your best bet is a rap battle-- his only known weakness is devastating verses.
Angelica Schuyler: Dear god. Do you have a death wish?? No. She will drag you off the face of this goddamned earth. Avoid at all costs.
King George III: 100% yes. Here's the thing: he's an ocean away, and the internet doesn't exist. You could RAISE AN ARMY in the time it takes him to find out you've been talking shit about him
George Washington: He's a weak old man and likely to take the moral high ground, but Alexander "Daddy Issues" Hamilton is waiting right behind him, and he's got a thirst for blood
Aaron Burr: You can fight him, but you have to listen to "Wait for It" first, so you can truly appreciate the depth of his character. Then you should kick the shit out of him
John Laurens: You don't want to fight him, but Alex will probably convince him to challenge you to a duel at least twice, and his fury is fueled by 20 years of internalized homophobia. Highly dangerous
Eliza Schuyler: I literally don't have the vocabulary to explain how bad of an idea this is. She lived FIFTY YEARS after the love of her life died. At any moment, she's poised to fight the very concept of death.
John Adams: He's an easy target, which makes him a good choice, but you'll probably accidentally look into his eyes halfway through and start wondering what internalized turmoil led you to punch such a small, defenseless man



















