Trans Girls Can

Erin tell us a little about yourself

I am 24 years old and working towards a PhD in Coastal Oceanography at Plymouth University. I knew I was trans from a young age but it wasn't until I experienced a bad injury to my arm in 2014 that I forced myself to consider who I was and would be in years to come. I came out publicly in the Autumn last year. I consider myself a scientist, endurance runner, cyclist and general outdoors enthusiast. My main sport is long distance trail running.

How active were you before you transitioned?

Before transitioning I would spend hours in the gym trying to change my body in a masculine way to try and conform to other peoples ideals. Results felt like damage. I jumped between sports but never found a sport that I could commit to. My one passion was hill walking and mountaineering. The mountains were a place I could escape to and be myself. I had a reasonable level of fitness beforehand, but didn't enjoy exercise.

Did you find it difficult to stay active when you were transitioning?

Exercise has been a major part of my life since beginning transition. It gives me time to reflect while out on a run. Running gave me an outlet for stress and time to focus on the moment without worrying about anything. I exercise for myself now and because I enjoy the exercise I have seen my activity levels increase as a result.

Have you always ran?

I didn't always run. At school I was not particularly fit, and made excuses to miss sports. The competitiveness wasn't for me, and if you weren't good at football you were dismissed by staff and pupils alike as not worth the effort. I had tried to get fit at times. I went to secondary school in Spain, and tried to take up running in my lunch breaks with a friend around the vineyards of the Jalon Valley. However the school soon put a stop to that, accusing me of going home to play video games because, as they put it, I "was the last person they expected to want to do exercise."

I started running when I was seventeen. I could only do 20 seconds running, 40 seconds walking at first! I felt embarrassed when people saw me. But I kept going. Six weeks later I ran 20 minutes straight and I remember that "runners high" and sense of accomplishment lasting all day! Pretty soon my friends saw me as a "runner" and assumed that had always been the case.

After my arm injury I fell into a depression. Running was the thing that lifted me out of that hole. It gave me an outlet and means to take back control of my life. It was then that I began training in earnest and entered an ultramarathon. With the place booked, I had no choice! I started eating much healthier, and drinking less, and running a lot more. Pushing myself in races has since given me the confidence and means to push through many challenges I have faced transitioning.

Have you found any challenges around trans people competing? At some levels of group sport there are specific rules limiting trans people’s inclusion if they haven’t medically transitioned.

I do worry about competing and winning in the female category at times as I have not been medically transitioning long enough to qualify by most international standards. I entered my first race as Erin in the female category at the beginning of 2015, the Born to Run Ultra in South Wales. I contacted the race director and explained my circumstances. He was exceptionally understanding, and even introduced me to a friend of his who was transitioning. I raced in the female category but explained I would refuse the prize if I won. In the running events I have participated in so far I have always experienced an open and friendly atmosphere, however in future I will worry about competing and winning in the female category.

What do you think of the recently released Olympic guidelines on trans athletes.

I am glad they have been progressive and also transparent in their guidelines. It gives people like me a reference to send to race directors if I feel I should explain my circumstances. Most of the races I enter are not regulated by large sporting federations, so having clear guidance from a body such as the IOC is a great resource to have as it shows that thorough research has been conducted by officials who have determined that trans people can compete fairly in our identified genders. I will never be an Olympian, but their guidelines are adopted widely outside of the Olympics.

What do you like most about your sport and how can others get involved?

I love trail running. It takes you to places away from the busy urban settings. The softer ground easier on the joints and the varied terrain keeps you focused in the moment. I love escaping into nature, stopping after running up a hill to look back at the view, racing down a narrow winding coastal path barely keeping control. Most of all it's the sense of pushing my limits and showing myself how much I can do with enough determination. And trail running is free!

To get involved I would suggest joining a local Saturday parkrun for the addictive community feeling that draws me back every Saturday morning. They are all over the UK and are free 5k runs for all abilities. Otherwise, just pull on a pair of trainers and find your nearest footpath or bridleway and see where it takes you!

Do you do any other sports?

I enjoy cycling, and have taken my touring bike around the South West, Wales and across the USA.

What has been the reactions of others in the sports you play to you being transgender?

The majority of people have been warm and accepting at events. Most people, like myself, are not running to win the race but rather to enjoy the trails and community feel. Only once have I had someone act in a rude manner at a race, whispering and passing comment on me at the start of the event, however I simply ignored them and struck up conversation with the other runners. Running clubs have been accepting and friendly all around, it's their nature I think.

What advice would you give trans people who are thinking about taking up sport or exercise but are worried about not finding inclusive spaces?

I think contacting your local club for whatever sport you wish to participate in can be a good start. You can explain your concerns and see what they say. They may put your concerns at ease and you will have a contact to meet when you first visit. Friendly community running groups and events like parkrun are great places to meet people and exercise in a non-competitive setting.

Finally, what do you think needs to be done to make sports more trans inclusive?

In my own experience, a statement on a clubs website of their inclusiveness can go a long way to encouraging participation. Providing gender neutral facilities can help allay anxiety and encourage more trans people to join sports centres and gyms, particularly at the early stages of transition.

Brighton & Hove’s fantastic new project, Trans Can Sport, is run by two passionate sports people, Rory and Marquita. Here they give us the lowdown on the story so far, talk about the barriers faced by trans people and what to expect next! Exciting stuff. 

TGC: What is Trans Can Sport and where did the idea come from?

Marquita: Trans Can Sport is a project dedicated to supporting the well being of Trans People through physical activities. Our sessions are conducted by instructors who are professionals in their field and have received trans awareness training. These sessions are open to anyone who feels their transgender identity prevents them from taking part in fitness.

Rory: The inspiration to set up the project up happened after I took on Marquita as a personal trainer.  I realised the benefits of having not only someone to ensure I was on the right path to meet my goals but one who also took on board my situation as a trans person. We were doing a bit of weightlifting and boxing and I thought it would benefit other trans men, in particular.

Marquita: When Rory came to me with the idea, I was excited as I had previously attempted to host session, specifically for the trans community, but was unsuccessful in drawing in the numbers.

Rory; I think it has been helpful that we have been able to offer sessions for free.

Marquita: That's true. I do believe that this was one of barriers for individuals not attending sessions previously.

TGC: When did TCS start, how is it funded?

Trans Can Sport was launched January 2016. We initially applied for a grant from the Sussex Community Foundation and we successfully received £1500. We have also received generous donations from some of our participants. We've also received donations from the local police and just this summer grant funding from the local authority, Brighton and Hove City Council.

TGC: What sports / activities does TCS do?

Marquita:  We have several different activities at the moment. Trans Can Fight teaches people boxing and kick boxing techniques to boost confidence, self defence and cardio fitness. Trans Can Lift demonstrates basic resistance exercises so that participant are able to perform them safely and efficiently. Trans Can Yoga is a fantastic way for people to get into yoga, whether they are advanced or and an absolute beginner. Trans Can Play is not an instructed session, but are group sessions at local parks where we can throw a frisbee, kick a football and other shenanigans.  We are also excited that we have confirmed  Trans Can Circuits and Trans Can Pilates for October 2016.

TGC: What are the barriers you think trans/gender non conforming people face when undertaking sport? 

Rory: This is a big question, so I will bullet point a few that come to mind. There are by no means exhaustive:

-          Gendered changing rooms/ toilets and the policing of gender in them. I’ve had experiences of being challenged in a changing room that I was entitled to use.

-          Gender segregated teams or group classes - feeling like not fitting in, and even not being allowed to participate.

-          Feeling intimidated by other users of facilities. Especially when one is out of shape and/or uncomfortable in fitness places, there is already a great deal of shyness and feeling not good enough. Many people feel they need to be fit before even stepping in a gym and worry about what others will think of them. Feeling your gender identity will be judged too adds to this anxiety.

-          Having inappropriate and intrusive questions asked by staff and users.

-          Nowhere private to get changed or shower, even if you ‘pass’ well enough to use a gendered changing room. Ways around this include coming and going from the gym in kit and showering at home. This obviously takes much more time and effort and can be embarrassing.

-          Needing to wear additional clothing (which can be uncomfortable) to feel comfortable about one’s body. For example, swimming attire can be a particular barrier. Also needing to wear chest binders (which can be dangerous if worn during exercise) to present a male body for FTMs. Trans women have concerns about looking too masculine. I couldn’t swim in a public swimming pool for years due to the requirements of what to wear. It was out of the question. The only time I could swim was in the sea in the summer when I could wear baggy shorts and a t-shirt.

-          Health inequalities that add an additional barrier. Trans people are more likely to suffer from a mental health issue (often as a consequence of a transphobic society) which may make it difficult to keep active. Also, medical transition can potentially require long periods of respite after surgery.

TGC: Has anyone at TCS ever shared negative experiences they've had in public activity spaces? What were they?

Marquita: During the sessions I have instructed, many people have been excited about the sessions and have been very positive.  They don't tend to comment specifically about their experiences, just that they are happy and feel more comfortable in trans friendly environment.

TGC: What puts trans people off joining cis populated activity spaces?

Rory :Many people feel more comfortable being around other trans people. It's that sense of being with your own kind and not having to explain. I think for some people they get to properly relax and enjoy the space without the worry of having to defend themselves.

TGC: So how can clubs, gyms, leisure centres make their venues more trans inclusive?

Rory: I'm not sure you'll ever make everyone super comfortable, but there are some glaring issues, like changing rooms and single sex facilities. And lack of privacy in changing rooms. Or showers without space to dress in. The amount of times I've got soaked trying to get dressed in a tiny shower after working out. It's not so great.

TGC. Do you think there will always be a need for trans only activities?

Rory: I think there will always be a need for trans only activities, even if we have a completely equal and trans friendly society. Some trans people will still experience gender dysphoria, which presents its own challenges.

TGC. You've secured funding for another 12 months so TCS is clearly successful. Tell us some of the feedback and positive change you've been part of.

Rory: We’ve not faced any difficulties as yet. The way we run means we only work with people we can trust and understand the ethos of the project. We work with local trainers and small businesses so there is an incentive for them to get it right as they might benefit from continuing custom. Also small businesses tend to meet our needs better by having smaller and private premises, rather than larger ones that would need to be shared with the general public. We also give one-on-one trans awareness training to our trainers and feed back to them in a constructive way about what language works or what activities might cause problems for some participants.

Our participants have also given us great reviews and positive feed back. (See below)

"I'm so grateful for this vital resource. Trans Can sessions are run by brilliant professional trainers who are passionate about their participant's well being and personal goals. Every session I've attended has been a mini revelation, I've learned new skills, and I have felt completely safe and able to relax. As well as staying fit, it's important to get out and mix with other like-minded individuals and I've enjoyed meeting other people, especially as I've just moved to Brighton. Thank you Trans Can Sport, for making all this possible.

"I attended the Trans Can Lift session last night and was really impressed! The instructor took time to speak to me about my own goals, physical limitations and history, and incorporated these in everything we did, which was a relief for anyone looking at starting off slowly. I was encouraged to take everything at my own pace and as well as being challenged, I felt properly supported and encouraged. It was in a very safe and private space which also put me at ease. I will definitely be attending the other sessions where I can, and would encourage anyone thinking about it or hesitating to give it a shot!"

"Trans Can Yoga has been amazing I have made new connections with other trans people and been able to explore Yoga in a totally accepting group and on top of that I a learning confidence in my body. This has become such a lovely part of my transition journey and something to look forward to when things get too much for me."

TGC: What's your advice for trans people who want to take up exercise or activity but have fears about it?

Rory: Do whatever makes you feel good. Don’t push yourself to do something you hate, but give new things a go when opportunities arise. Be realistic with your goals and how you will achieve them. Don’t judge yourself by others standards.

Marquita: Also don't think you need a gym to get fit. You can workout at home or at a park if you feel more comfortable in that environment. Have specific goals in mind and work from there. Consistency is the key when it come to hitting your target.

TGC. Do you think it's possible for a TCS project to get underway in other cities?

Marquita: As an idea yes absolutely. I think it would be wonderful if there were similar projects throughout the country. That is something we would be happy to support and advise on. We run Trans Can Sport on a specific agenda and ethos and we are still a little bit down the road from launching in other areas.

Rory: yes, I think so. Like Marquita says, we're still early days with what we're achieving in Brighton, but I'd love to see the project elsewhere. There are pots of money to be found and only a little bit is needed to go a long way. It might be more of a challenge to get the footfall in smaller trans communities, but it's still worth doing. I grew up in the country and there was nothing for LGBT people, let alone trans folk. There's a lot of work to be done.

Manchester's LGBT Foundation spoke to Sophie Green about the founding of Trans Girls Can and how we can all break down barriers for trans people accessing sports. Part of the LGBT Foundations Trans Active Month, running throughout September 2016 - Get involved!

Trans Girls Can

I met Megan (Key) in Spring of 2015 and we immediately hit it off, quickly becoming good friends. One of the many things we had in common was our love for fitness, with both of us being very keen runners. Exercise had played such a vital role in our transitions, being great for our mental and physical well-being.

Around this time Sports England’s campaign This Girl Can was launched, with a strong body positive message, it was a campaign both myself and Megan were keen to support, with both of us contributing our stories to their blog.

As trans women, we knew that if we felt this way about exercise, many others would too, we wanted to celebrate trans women that were out there doing what they love, sharing their stories and encourage others to get out and get active.

Using social media to promote visibility and community we quickly built momentum and have a whole host of blog post of trans women sharing their stories, from cycling, sailing, racing driving, martial arts and swimming!

Physical well being

Pre-transition I’d led an unhealthy lifestyle, not liking my body, I saw no reason to care for it, I drank to excess and was a heavy smoker. However, once I began transition, I realised that I needed to get healthy, and I started to shape a brighter future for myself.

I began with a few DVD workouts at home, followed by a tentative jog round the block, slowly gaining confidence in my newly discovered fitness. It gave me a focus and it allowed me to see my body in a positive way, as it change with HRT and grew stronger, I appreciated what it could do rather rather than dwell on all the things that held it back.

As the years have passed I learnt Yoga, Pilates, Hula Hooping, salsa dancing, snowboarding, I’ve learnt to swim and I’ve ran - lots!

Physical well being to me is mental and physical strength, and when it counts, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. But it’s also about fun, adventure and community, to experience the outdoors, being in tune with your body, clearing your mind from the noise of the day.

Some people think fitness is all about sweating your bits off in a gym, however I’ve never had a single training session in a gym! Find what works best for you.

Breaking down barriers for trans people accessing sports

The Olympics are in full swing and it was good to read the IOC guidelines on transgender athletes earlier this year, with no surgical requirements required and no restrictions on trans men whatsoever - it’s a positive step. It’s important for many reasons, not least because many clubs and teams at local level base their own policy on that of the IOC.

A little closer to home, Trans in Sport, ran by Delia Johnson, consults with National sports bodies and National Sports Councils to produce trans inclusive policy and awareness.

On a local level there’s a network of brilliant trans specific activities and social groups appearing across the country, most of which have appeared in the last 12 months. And whilst they are few in numbers now, I’m sure they will continue to grow and inspire others to get involved or set up their own.

Trans Active are based in Sheffield and hold weekly trans only activity events. ON a fortnightly basis they do swimming and on the alternate weeks they hold badminton sessions, offering a choice for those who want to partake. The sessions are open to anyone identifying on the gender spectrum

Trans Can Sport is based in Brighton, UK and has had a storming 12 months supporting the local trans community to get fit. So successful in fact they just secured another 12 months funding, AWESOME!

TAGS is a real success story of how to use community funding to set up groups. Originally a London based swimming group, organiser Roberta Francis has took the model nationwide, opening trans only spaces in Birmingham, Leicester and Staffordshire with plans for more cities to to open soon. They also offer Yoga, roller skating and other activities on an ad-hoc basis.

Running, one of the nation’s favourite sports

Running is very accessible way to keep fit, all you need to get started is a decent pair of shoes and the will to get out and do it. You can run in any environment and there’s always others that will lend support.

I’m a pacer for Liverpool’s Dockside Runners, we run from the Nike Store Sunday and Tuesday’s. It’s a free, friendly and very welcoming club. I think if you find a group of people, whatever their passions may be, they’re always keen to share their experiences and be supportive.

There’s a race or event every weekend it seems, whether they be fun runs, obstacle races, or ultra marathons on road or trails, there’s always a new challenge out there to put your training to the test.

Get the most out of your run

If you’re new to running or never ran take it nice and easy to begin, familiarise yourself with a short route, beginning with a walk or jog and building distance and intensity gradually over time. You can use the couch to 5k plan if it helps motivate you and give you structure. Ideally you want to set to a stage where you run at conversational pace, where you can talk while running, over a set distance.

Everyone has a tendency to run too quickly to begin with -  I still do it, and I’m a Pacer with a run club! Runs are all about pace, the more runs you do, the more familiar you’ll be with your own pace. You are not competing with anyone else, take it nice and steady and find your rhythm, don’t over reach with the legs, smaller steps are better than big strides. Increase the distance just a little each time and you’ll progress.

Warm ups and cool downs are essential to prevent injuries and yoga and pilates especially good ways to keep your legs and core strong and limber.

Enjoy it. Run with different people, run on different terrain, one of my joys using running as a way to explore a new city, maybe while on holiday. It’s just a great experience!

Worried about getting involved

Make enquiries and see what classes and teams are near you. Generally speaking, most clubs will be keen to get new members, ask if they have open days and taster sessions you can be involved with.

In my experience, the fitness classes I’ve taken have all been very welcoming, I appreciate that new environments can be a worry but a good teacher will guide a nervous newcomer, after all it’s in their interest for you to go back for more classes!

Try new things, have a laugh and get sweaty!

There is a growing number or trans sporting groups popping up around the UK offering a range of activities and socials. This weekend Megan went to see what Sheffield’s Trans Active do, and highlights a few of the other leaders in the field. 

Based in Sheffield and supporting the surrounding areas, Trans Active holds weekly trans only activity events. ON a fortnightly basis they do swimming and on the alternate weeks they hold badminton sessions, offering a choice for those who want to partake. The sessions are open to anyone identifying on the gender spectrum as trans/non binary/gender queer etc and anyone regardless of age. I was invite to go along for a dip in the pool and got a chance to meet some of the group. 

I met with a range of ages and identities , some regular attendees, some new and those who had travelled some distance to take advantage of the trans only space. We had some serious swimmers and others, like me, who like to bob around in the water chatting. Its just as much a social as somewhere to get fit. 

Organiser Toby, gave me an insight in to how the group got off the ground in 2014, explaining that they applied for various local funding pots from council initiatives to national lottery grants (Awards For All) and Sport England. Providing you aren’t making a profit and can demonstrate the value of your idea the money is there to get it off the ground. For Trans Active it has provided subsidised swimming and badminton, paid for Bev to get her lifeguarding certificate (saving them more money in the future on lifeguard cover), helped them buy a sailing dinghy and paid for an upcoming camping trip where lots of activities will be on offer. 

After the session we went to the most ridiculously over indulgent cake shop for a social. Rude not to eh!

Camping trip is in September and can be booked for free! 

Find more about the group on Facebook. Search for TransActive. 

Trans Can Sport is based in Brighton, UK and has had a storming 12 months supportIng the local trans community to get fit. So successful in fact they just secured another 12 months funding, AWESOME!

TCS welcomes people from across the trans spectrum and delivers a range of activities including yoga, pilates, boxing, ball games and weight training. Watch out for a full interview on TransGirlsCan soon!

Their funding starts again in October this year, so check out their Facebook page for more details. 

TAGS is a real success story of how to use community funding to set up groups. Originally a London based swimming group, organiser Roberta Francis has took the model nationwide, opening trans only spaces in Birmingham, Leicester and Staffordshire with plans for more cities to to open soon. They also offer Yoga, rollerskating and other activities on an ad hoc basis. 

Search Facebook for TAGS swimming for more information. 

Up in Glasgow, Scotland a relative newcomer has got off to a flying start and is now a regular fixture for the local trans community. Seahorses Glasgow, run by Charlotte and Kate for people on the trans spectrum aged 16+. 

Follow @seahorsesglasgow on Twitter or find them on Facebook for more information. 

TGC’s Megan hit England’s Peak District to hang out with Trans Active’s Bev Sorsby. 

 A few weeks ago the TransGirlsCan Messenger pinged with an invite for us to hang out with TGC contributor and cyclist extraordinaire Bev, up in the Sheffield area of the Peak District. 

Never one one to miss an opportunity/adventure/cake we sent Megan up the M1 with her road bike, swimming costume and two Egg McMuffins. At 6am on a saturday. The dedication!

Bev is a member of Women’s Cycling Sheffield, a group that caters for women riders of all abilities. They have a couple of fast rides, but this trip out was for anyone so, knowing how hilly the Peaks are and having a 100km mountain ride in Wales to train for, Megan felt it an opportunity to good to miss. 

Plus, here at TGC we believe in new adventures, facing your fears and just getting out there and doing it!

There was around ten women on the ride, various ages, all friendly. Bev had told them she was bringing a friend, but had said nothing about my status as a trans woman. She’s open about her own status and has never had a problem integrating, they just want to hang out, enjoy their biking and make new friends. I found this out in no time! 

I was a bit nervous, not knowing the area, none of the people or the type of riding I would be getting in to, but I kept it to myself. The ride was stunning, the landscapes truly breathtaking (and windy up on the top of the Peaks) and had a perfect mix of climbs and descents for someone of my middling ability. I moved around the pack from front, to hanging on the back where I was looked after by ride pacer Kellie, who I was surprised to find out was from my neck of the woods originally. Some of the downhills were so steep they were a bit nerve inducing for me so I had to use the brakes, but I reckon a few more rides on the route and i’ll be freewheeling with the rest of ‘em :) World championship contender on the track, Jordan, hit speeds of nearly 50mph, it was that fast!! But there was no pressure on me to match the pace, it was all good honest, sweaty, lung busting fun and well worth the gamble of meeting a new challenge. I made some friends in the North :)

See the next blog for more about Trans Active!

Bev tells #transgirlscan about her love for all things sport, the positive impact it has on her life and shares advice. AWESOME!

What is your sport / Sports?

I used to do loads of sports, from Archery, rock climbing, canoeing, skiing and snow boarding and even racing motorcycle and side cars at one point.  The one I’m getting back into now, is cycling.  Its the one I did for the longest time, and it’s the one I found most rewarding.  I have also now taken up swimming, just for fun nothing to serious.  

Loton Park July 2008 How long have you been into them and what drew you to them? As a child (aged 6) we moved to an outdoor activity center were my parents were the wardens.  The site offered all sorts of activity’s form archery, canoeing, pioneering, orienteering, raft building, weaseling, rock climbing the list was endless. Being in this situation offered all sort of opportunities to try them all.  I was soon attracted to archery and canoeing.  We had all the equipment and the space. When no-one was on site, I could go and set up a target and shoot some arrows by myself.  The same with canoeing, but I would have a paddle around the lake with my mum. My older brother wasn’t interested in any of the activity’s and it wasn’t long until he got a road bike. I think it he was following our dad.  He liked to go out touring when ever he had the time, or just needed some alone time from everything.  It was about this time “1990” that I reached adolescence and was starting to struggle with being transgender. I was getting severally bullied at school and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t talk to anyone about being transgender because I didn’t know what it was called, or even if I wasn’t the only one like me. By the time it was 1992, I was 14 and mental’y in a low place. I got a new road bike for christmas. Nothing amazing just a Reilgh pro-race, But I found out very soon that all the stress I was getting at school, would lessen on the ride home. So I started riding longer distance and going out at weekends on rides. The following year we had moved out of the activity center and now living in a normal home.  I joined a cycling club and started doing some races. I wasn’t very good, I didn’t come last but I didn’t do very well either. I won one race. The north Midlands division championship, and for once it made me feel good about myself. I had also had to swapped schools in this time and the bulling had stopped for a little while.The following year I turned 16. I had a new bike.  One which I had paid for myself, and was very proud of the fact.  The first race of the season was a mid-week 10 mile time trail. I wasn’t expected to do very well, some where near the bottom of the results. I don’t know who was more shocked.  Me of everyone else. I finished second!  I was asked what roads I had taken, everyone thought I had taken of a short cut.  The following week it was the same course and all the marshals had been told to check that I went past them.  I went even faster.  In that year I was constantly at the top of the result.  The feeling I got of being good at something was fantastic.  I was still struggling with my feelings of being transgender and I was still didn’t know that I wasn’t alone.  At least I had now got something positive in my life, and when I was trying hard I would forget everything that worried or stressed me.  Later in the year I entered a national city center circuit race in Hull.  I was one of the youngest in the field and with the least experience, in that type of racing.  I didn’t have a chance.  All I wanted to do was to try and get a good placing.  Having realistic targets and goals helps.  There were 60 cyclist in the race and I managed to squirm myself onto the front row of the start line.  The gun went off, I went for a blisteringly fast start.  I was off the front of the group, and all by myself.  I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept going and going.  Before I knew it I had got a reasonable gap on the rest of them.  I held the gap and know matter what they did, they just couldn’t catch me.  It must have been something to do with the course lay out and the size of the chasing bunch, they just couldn’t get organized.  With ten laps to go I made a massive mistake and ended up crashing into one to the railings on a corner.  I must have been tried and lost concentration while going to fast. That was me out of the race.  By the time they the chasing group came round to see me climbing into the back of the ambulance, there was a massive shay of relief.  Every race I did after that, I was always pointed out “Thats the kid form the Hull race. Don’t let him get of the front!”  I had made a positive mark in the cycling community, and it felt good.

The national Junior 25 mile time trial championship 5/08/95  Time 57:12 Over the next two years as a junior cyclist, I slowly stopped getting out on the bike. I did a few good races. Like the national junior 25 mile time trial championship and the junior tour of Ireland, but the depression was getting to much, and I was back in the same situation that I was in at school. I was getting bullied at work and I felt useless again. I was stuck in a rut, unable to get out.  A few years had passed and I had learned that I wasn’t alone and had now been going out and Bev.  I was still in the early stages of being me. I think of this as the finding myself part of my life.  And I now knew that I wasn’t alone and I had somewhere to go to meet people like me.  I had put on loads of weight and not touched the bike for ages.  Luckily I had met at friend who was into climbing and we started to go out into the Peak District.  We got on very well and were soon close friends.  He was good and didn’t mind that I wasn’t.  Climbing is all about pushing your mind, its not that active. My head was constantly spinning with all the emotions you get when struggling with depression.  I wanted to focus on something else, I needed to focus on something else.  I could say climbing is retraining you brain.  You have to stop all the background noise and concentrate on the hear and now. I had now made up my mind that I was going to transition.  It was the only choice, but I still didn’t know how.  The only information I had at that point was it was going to be very very expensive.  So I quit my crappy no good job, and retrained myself and slowly worked myself up in rope access industry.  I loved the physical work. It was a physical demanding job.  But not so much the paper work which is were I ended up doing.  And I soon reverted to being depressed again. What do you get from being active? It’s only looking back and reflecting at my life that I can see how being active has helped me.  One of the things I remember for being at my lowest point of depression is having a social worker “who was useless” telling me I should go swimming.  Hello gender dysphoria as if I want to get into a public place wearing nothing but my pants.  Everyone around me wanted to help but didn’t know how.  They didn’t know how to talk to me.  I think they were afraid of saying something wrong thing and upsetting me more, making me more ill.  My depression didn’t just affect the way I felt.  It affected my body as well.  I couldn’t find any energy at all.  I couldn’t even sleep.  My body would shack and I couldn’t regulate my own body temperature.  A walk round the block was far to much never mind going out.  After a few months of resting I was getting a little better.  I could now sleep and I wasn’t burning hot all the time, I was even walking down the the shops every now and then.  These walks would still tire me out, but at least I could now recover.  A few more months had passes and I knew I was over weight.  It was living back with my parents and all the food and coffee they were shoving down my neck all the time.  I now felt guilty for some reason.  I wanted to see how I was, I walked a lot further than I had been but was getting bored.  I headed back to my place for the day to have a look around.  I sore my bike hung up in the spare room.  It was covered in dust.  It must have been hanging there for over 5 years.  I found out my cycling shoes and a kit and put them in the car to take back to my parents.  A squirt of WD40 on all the appropriate parts and I was ready for a ride.  The plan was to just go around the larger block “2 miles max with a little climb of 800meters.”  I made it 1/2 a mile and I was naked.  This was bad, really really, bad.  I had know idea I was this unfit.  I couldn’t ride anywhere and I defiantly didn’t want to be this unfit.  The only solution I could think of was to get a turbo trainer and set it up in the garage.

Turbo training in the garage.   Every night I would go in there.  It started with 10 minutes and every night I would go up to the garage and do a little ride.  My fitness level soon went up and I was ready to try the road ride again.  This time I made it round.  I know it’s not much but it’s a little something.  And over the last few years, I’ve stuck to the cycling and I’ve worked on my fitness. I’m getting better all the time.  The better I get on the bike the better.  The better I get with my depression.  The two have so much in common, I can have a bad day on the bike, and I can also have a low day.  But one thing I have noticed and its a really important.  Is that I always feel so much better, once I’ve had a ride.  It’s even rubbing off when I have been for a swim, I feel good about myself.   How have you been treated as a visible trans woman in your sporting group? They’s a social ride on Saturday mornings and load of cyclist go on it.  Me being one of them back in the day.  Only a few people knew that I had come out as transgender in the time I had had away from the bike.  So I wasn’t sure how I would have been accepted back, or if anyone would have remembered me.  It has been about 16 years since I was last was out on the ride.  I knew I couldn’t keep up if I did the full ride, so I has a little ride by myself and ended up in the cafe and waited for them to turn up.  When the boys turned up I was greeted warmly.  I was called my old name, but they didn’t know my new one so why would I mind.  I didn’t recognize most of the people there.  The one’s I did know, I had a good chat with and they had heard that I was transgender and asked what I was now called and hoped thing are going well for me.  It was a nervy time waiting in the cafe but it was good to get it off my chest and get it all out in the open.  I’ve had no problems with any body in the cycling community.  I had been going out a few time for rides on Saturday mornings and meeting them at the cafe.  There was a women’s group who went out.  They were there own women’s club and I started chatting to them.  I found out who ran the club and asked if I could join, asking if being Transgender was a problem?  Straight way she said “No” and then followed it with “Are you fast? We need someone fast!  Your in.”  I’ve made some great friends in my new club.  All know I’m transgender and none of them seem to be bothered in the slightest.  The close one know about my depression as well.  Its not something I hide.I’ve not had any problems with anybody in the cycling community.  I even go to a woman’s track session on the local velodrome, and no problems there either, but I’ve not said that I’m a trans woman, and why should I. If it comes up in conversation then it comes up. I’m friends with a few of them and we chat on Facebook and they see my posts and a lot of them are about trans issues. No-ones asked me.

Women’s track session 11/01/16 I’m not competing in events yet, but hope to do so later in the year.  I’ve checked with the different governing body’s in cycling.  Most seem good with having policy’s for transgender cyclist, and have changed them for the better in the last few years.  But some don’t! So I’m just going to enter there events and see what happens. I could ride in the Olympics as a woman so why not your little event.  Thats how I see it.  The only problem I’ve had being transgender was after GRS and sitting on the saddle.  But my friends have been great, recommending different solutions to my problem.  We, I just have to laugh about it and carry on.  The answer was to lower my saddle 10mm and get use to a different weight distribution. What advice would you give to other trans women thinking of getting fit? I think it depends on what type of activity you do, and how you want to do that activity.  I put on loads of weight when I was at my lowest point and I could hardly move. I had loads of other problem with my body that were connected to my depression and I found it extremely hard to do anything even walk. So when I did think of getting fit.  I looked at my times and just chipped away at, it at the start. 1. Be realistic in what you want to achieve.  Both in the day and in your sporting life.   2. Be honest in what you have achieved. 3. Have fun, enjoy what you are doing.  Remember you are doing it for you and nobody else. 4. Put the sport first!  I’m a cyclist, it doesn’t matter if I’m a trans cyclist or female cyclist. I don’t worry about passing when I’m on the bike. Its about the ride. 5. I know some trans women wear wigs and this stop’s them from doing a sport. Try a buff head scarf instead. They are really good.The same with breast form. Work out what works for you. I use to wear a normal bra and then a sports bra over that.  I have a funny story about when one breast form fell out when I was snow boarding....

HI-YAAAH!! New Girl In Town Kicks Ass!

TransGirlsCan caught up with Chloe in Liverpool, UK for an interview about her her new found love of martial arts. Chloe took up the sport after moving across the country for work! Hows that for taking the plunge, awesome!

TGC: What is your Sport?

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ).

TGC: When and why did you start it?

I started training back in November (2015) for a number of reasons. I was finding it difficult to go to the gym, as I'm very conscious of my body, and the thought of using the changing rooms always put me off. This also meant I couldn't travel by train to the gym, which is my primary mode of transport around Liverpool, as I would have to leave and return in my gym gear, which isn't a good look on me at the best of times...

In addition to this, I've always been a big martial arts fan. I was raised on Jean Claude Van-Damme, Donnie Yen, Bruce Lee, and Jackie Chan so I've ALWAYS wanted to get involved in a martial art, but as I’ve never really considered myself a violent person, I've never had a reason to start.

When I joined MMA Liverpool, I initially went to their two women's foundation classes, one being BJJ and the other Thai Boxing, however after a few weeks of doing both, I found myself more drawn towards BJJ. As I said previously, I’m not a violent person, and the thought of punching and kicking someone makes me feel a bit uneasy, whereas BJJ is all about control, which is something I found fascinating straight away, and still find now. As I'd had little to no exposure to BJJ prior to my first class, I think I spent about 3 hours after that first session just watching YouTube videos of competitions and tutorials and pretty much fell in love with the sport over the course of that evening.

Finally, and probably the most motivating reason for joining, a couple of months prior to moving up to Liverpool from Southampton, I was assaulted on the street as I was leaving the cinema late one evening. Anyone who's ever met me would attest to the fact that I don't really do dressing particularly provocatively, so you can imagine my surprise when I was pushed against a wall by two 'gentlemen' who, had they not found out I was trans in quite possibly the most awkward way possible, would have ended up sexually assaulting me. Instead I just had the back of my head rammed into the wall against which I was pressed, and took a few blows to the stomach and ribs when I hit the floor before they were chased off by a passer-by who helped me up and offered to call the police.

Since then, I’d had a great deal of my confidence stolen and became extremely anxious about being on my own at night. I really wanted to get that confidence back, and BJJ offered that to me.

TGC: You're in a new city, doing a new sport, did being trans have an impact on the choice of sport, group etc?

So I moved to Liverpool at the end of September last year, after separating from my partner of 5 years, to pretty much start again. I told myself when I moved that I would seize every opportunity afforded to me, as I knew that if I was left to my own devices, I would have just spent every evening and weekend at home on my own. And I've been supremely fortunate to have a friend such as Sophie Green, who has seemingly made it her mission to ensure that I'm not spending extended periods of time on my own and doing nothing.

To be honest, it was only by coincidence that I happened across MMA Liverpool, as they're located opposite CostCo. So one afternoon, on the way back from sorting out my membership, I saw their banner on the side of the building. I remember looking at it and thinking, "oooh, interesting."

Their website, www.mmaliverpool.com, was very informative, and I saw that they provided classes specifically aimed at women, so I sent them an email to enquire. In that email I basically said that I’m a trans woman and I’m interested in joining their women’s classes, I asked whether or not my trans status would cause any issues with me attending the women's classes, as I didn't want to presume.

Their response made no mention of my being trans, only that their classes were open to all women, and that I should attend an induction class with one of the trainers to see if it was for me. So that’s what I did, and the rest is pretty much history really.

If I’m completely honest, even though MMA is a male dominated sport, it never crossed my mind that it’s not something I should do, as all I saw was a sport that looked interesting, would improve my fitness and help me with some issues I’d developed. My being trans only became an issue for me when I was considering joining women only classes, as like a lot of other trans women, I don’t feel that I blend too well with the wider female population, and thought this would cause issues. Everything else around that was pretty much inconsequential, and to be honest, I couldn’t be happier that I went for it.

TGC: How have you found other people in your group?

Honestly, apart from my first lesson where I was REALLY nervous (which was my own issue, no one else’s), the environment has been nothing but welcoming.

The staff are really friendly, open, and extremely helpful. The other girls and guys I train with are also pretty awesome. I’ve always been treated as female, with the girls I train with going all out when we spar and practice, and the guys often being apologetic for being so rough, which is pandering, but a lovely thought at the same time…and also not a gratuity I afford them when it’s my turn to perform the techniques.

Overall though, everyone who attends the gym is like family. BJJ is one of those awkward sports where some of the positions are quite…intimate, but with everyone being there for the same reason, the embarrassment of those situations is short lived in your BJJ tenure, as it becomes obvious that every position is designed to have an impact on the situation.

So whilst I spend a lot of time on my back with my legs wrapped around the waist of a guy or girl, any awkwardness is short lived as the position is usually moved to a submission pretty quickly.

TGC: What advice would you give to other Trans Women thinking about starting exercise, particularly joining local clubs?

The best advice I can give is just to go for it. If you’re apprehensive about single gender spaces, or whether or not you’d be welcome in the class you wish to attend, pose your questions to those in charge before joining and attend a taster session.

I’d say that nine times out of ten you’ll find that people with the same interests and goals as yourself wouldn’t care if you were male, female, Black, White, Asian; you could be a Martian for all they care, as it’s your interests that bond you.

So, to quote a famous sports brand, Just Do It! Follow your passion and achieve your goals.

TGC: What does exercise give you?

For the most part, it’s about keeping fit. I try to think of it as, when the Zombie Apocalypse finally comes, will I be in a good enough physical shape to survive, rather than being one of the “fodder people” used as bait whilst the important people get to safety.

Since starting BJJ, I’ve boosted my endurance, toned my arms and stomach (a little), and increased the strength in my legs a great deal, as most of the work comes from the hips and thighs.

So yeah, what does exercise give me? Peace of mind from a Zombie Apocalypse, and the confidence to walk at night without freaking out every time someone comes close to me.

WHAT SWIMMING MEANS TO ME by SEAHORSES (Scotland) co-founder Charlotte. 

Swimming has always been an escape for me.  It’s an hour to let my mind be free and my fatigue of the day to be washed away.  Before I transitioned I would swim regularly to relax from the stresses of my veterinary training.  My swimming was not for competition or really to share with others, but more a chance to get away from myself in a sense.  Any problems I had would either melt away, pushed aside as my arms pulled through the water or the solution would present itself to me.  My mind could wander onto any topic I wished or just switch off entirely hearing nothing but the slosh of the water and the bubbles I blew out as I breathed rhythmically during my strokes.

However, during this time I was still battling with my inner self, the identity I had but hid from the world and also from myself.  I was body conscious, wearing just a pair of black shorts and nothing on my torso.  To all around me I wasn’t out of place, just another 20 year old student doing “his” lengths.  The changing rooms at my university pool in the early 2000s had no cubicles so changing was not the most pleasant of experiences.  I would do my best to change under my towel or time my exit from the pool for when I knew the male changing room was likely to be empty. Over time the battle grew tougher and tougher and I became much more aware of the dichotomy between my actual body I saw in the mirror and the body I saw in my mind.  By 21 I was living a double life.  Most of my friends and colleagues and certainly family were not aware of my feelings.  I have memories of expressing them as a very young child aged about 3, but I had been hiding since 7.  So, by day I was the male presenting, studious and quiet yet miserable vet student and by night I was a happy, friendly, confident and vibrant young woman having a dance in a club.  The pain of detranstioning after a weekend as myself, or having to expose an incongruent body at the pool became too much so I stopped swimming for many years.

It wasn’t until fairly recently that I gained confidence to go swimming again.  I began my fulltime transition in 2014, coming out to work, the friends who didn’t already know and my family.  Since starting my social transition and being prescribed HRT my confidence, happiness and overall wellbeing increased dramatically. Finally my body outside began to match the person I was inside.  For me, early transition was still a tough time fighting the dysphoria that many trans people experience.  I still lacked the confidence to present my body in a public pool.  Swimming is an extremely exposing sport.  You feel that all eyes are on you judging your body shape, choice of swimming attire and as a trans person, whether you have been “read” or not.  However, my confidence did grow as I felt my body change.  I finally plucked up the courage to dive in so to speak in September 2015.  I was very nervous about going into the female changing room at first.  There are cubicles to change in now compared with 2003 which allayed my fears.  So, I went in; changed; swam; and changed back into my clothes.  Nobody looked at me in a hostile manner, said anything or gave any sign that I did not belong.  To all around me I wasn’t out of place, just another 30 year old staff member doing her lengths.  Success!

This feeling that I could get back into my mindspace, my escape from the difficulties of a research job, my problems melting away as I pulled my arms through the water and kicked my legs was just so liberating.  It was something I had missed so much yet not truly realised it until I was back in the water.  The dysphoria and lack of confidence came back to me and I thought of all those out there who were, right now, experiencing those same feelings and what the chance to swim would mean to them.

 A chance encounter at a friend’s house led me to meet Kate Adair.  We shared experiences as many trans people do when we meet someone new. We both found a similar love for swimming and the loss we felt at not being comfortable to do it.  We decided a safe space in Glasgow was needed.  TAGS had achieved this in England, we wanted something in Scotland.  The idea of Seahorses was born.  With perseverance on both our parts and incredibly supportive assistance in the name of Hugh Torrance from LEAP Sports, we finally had our first session of Seahorses at Whiteinch Pool in Glasgow.  Including Kate and me we had 11 people come along.  Their stories were all captivating in their differences and also their similarities.  What we all shared though, was an inner peace being back in the water in a truly safe space with no eyes on us questioning whether we belonged there, or should we be wearing a swimsuit or shorts or t-shirt or indeed anything other than, did you have a nice swim?

Charlotte

Seahorses is a trans swimming group that meets in regularly in Glasgow. Find out more on Facebook:

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WERK IT LADIES!

When I made the decision to start transitioning, giving up playing football had a sort of inevitability about it.  I was nearly 30 and simply couldn’t envisage a situation where I’d be in a position to start playing again before I was too old to even think about it.  At the time, the rules around trans women playing women’s football were that you had to be at least 2 years post-GRS, something that the waiting lists suggested I wouldn’t be until at least 2020, and that’s before considering the myriad of other difficulties.  It seemed pretty bleak, but it also seemed like another one of those necessary sacrifices in order to transition.  Because, of course, “You have to really want it”.  Even if it means giving up things, and people, you love.

I’m Natalie, a 32yr old trans woman, IT Service Manager and dynamic central midfielder in the mould of Yaya Toure when he is trying (in my mind, anyway).  I started transitioning properly a couple of years ago.  I’ve actually not had to give up too many of those things I mentioned so far, and transition has been an incredibly difficult experience, but ultimately a necessary and even a bit of a rewarding one.

Of course, I could have carried on playing men’s football after transition, but I’ve tried playing men’s Sunday morning football in Aldershot with long hair, shaved legs and painted nails and let me tell you, it was not a comfortable experience.  I actually started playing regular competitive football comparatively late, when my friends started up a new team when I was 24 or 25.  I got into football quite late as a child too, on one of the many occasions when I decided that I needed to try a bit harder to be male, and so went on a summer football camp.  I was buoyed by winning the Fair Play Award at this, and it was only sometime later that I realised this was what you gave to the worst player for simply trying.  In the medium term it worked, and being more able to talk about stereotypical ‘boy stuff’ allowed me to pretend I was happy being one for a lot longer.

Anyway, having read that the FA had updated the rules around participation, I decided to get back involved in early July 2015 so went online & emailed a local club.  I was delighted to get a quick response saying that there was an open training session.  The only problem was that it was the following morning, and I’d just had laser hair removal on my face that day! So, it’s fair to say I was a little nervous when I walked the 15 minutes to the pitch. I don’t particularly like going out with no makeup on at the best of times, as I still have some visible facial hair shadow & ‘passing’ is a bit of a distant dream for me, so this was a Big Thing.  I am always very open about being trans anyway, and so talking about it a bit made me feel a bit less tense, and everyone was very welcoming.

There were a few barriers to overcome. It took me a while to get comfortable with the fact that I felt I looked a bit ridiculous in comparison to everyone else. I am 6ft 1 after all.  Also, talking & shouting are quite key parts of playing football, and my voice is something I’m very conscious of. Luckily, nothing you would need to wear for football is particularly tight, so there’s no problems in that area! I was also overly conscious of appearing ‘too masculine’ to begin with, so was wary of doing anything particularly physical or hitting the ball too hard – all fairly silly worries, and getting over that is all part of getting over internalised prejudices in my own mind, and an important part of transition generally.  I also quickly realised that everyone uses ‘Man on!’ no matter what their gender!  What really worked for me was talking about being trans, and being open about things which worried me.  I think it helped people relate to my experiences a little more.  I wouldn’t say you have to be open though, as not everyone is comfortable doing so and nor do you need to be.  I felt that being opened allowed me to stress a bit less about how I looked & sounded, and could just wear whatever was comfortable to play in rather than what allowed me to hide things I didn’t like.

6 months later & I still can’t play competitive matches though. This is because in order to do so, my testosterone level needs to be below a certain value, and I don’t know what this value is! The FA documentation doesn’t list it, and when I asked, they couldn’t say. They turned down my initial application as it was still too high, so I will be reapplying soon having changed my medication to address this.  This is immensely frustrating, and highlights the big issues facing trans people trying to get involved in sport. The recent Trans Inquiry found that organisations are often putting arbitrary barriers in front of people, and to me this seems no exception.  My testosterone level would allow me to compete in the Olympics under the recently announced new rules, so why not the Hampshire County Women’s Football League Division One?

I have played a couple of friendlies though, and even managed a late hat-trick in one of them, to give us a 5-2 win!  The only negative I’ve experienced were probably in my own mind, where someone from the opposition team possibly laughed at my voice.

I am incredibly glad I made that leap to go along to the open training session. Getting back to playing football has been great for my physical & mental health, and it’s stopped me moping around the house feeling sorry for myself so much. I run a lot too, and many people have written about how running has saved their lives.  It’s not hyperbole to say that being active has probably done the same for me. It is upsetting to see so many trans people feeling that they can’t get involved in sport (or that they shouldn’t).  I’ve had both cis & trans people say “Football? That isn’t very ladylike!” to me, and that way of thinking can frankly take a hike.  Sport is great, and if you can find one you love, it is a fantastic way of working on confidence & self esteem!

Running with Disney, whats not to like!

U.S. trans woman and passionate runner, Amelia, was recently featured in Runners World USA and was in the final last year to appear on the cover of Women’s Running magazine. Amelia will be telling us more about what makes her move soon, in the meantime check out her article here:

http://www.runnersworld.com/chatter/body-talk-entirely-amelia-entirely-her-own

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