Pretty Mess

Crying leads you through concentric rings of sadness. You close your eyes and travel outwards through a vortex that draws you towards the saddest thing of all. And the saddest thing of all isn’t anything but sadness. It’s too big to see or name. Approaching it’s like seeing God. It makes you crazy. Because as you fall you start to feel yourself approaching someplace from which it will not be possible to retrace your steps back out — it’s much too large and ancient. There are too many parts of other people it in for one person to absorb. Grief is information.

I hate being this way sometimes. I get sad a lot. Im very emotional about everything. I cry if something hurts my feelings I cry if something happy happens. My emotions over power me. I care about everything. Things stick with me. It’s like I’m on a teeter totter. One movement and I am falling into the darkness again. But on the other hand, I find it to be a good thing. I care about things. I care about people’s feelings. I care about the things that still hurt you after all these years. I care about how your day went. I care if the animals got hurt in a movie. I will cry about bad things that have happened to you, Because I think of how you must feel. I genuinely care. And maybe it’s a downfall, To feel so much, And to care so much. But I think it’s a strength too.

I wonder what person I would have been if I hadn’t been fucked up by my childhood and teen years.

Sometimes you just need a good cry. Even if you don’t know the reason why you’re crying.