TANAI

{2021 drawing}

When I started drawing seriously, my favourite things to do were skulls and skeletons. They represented pain in the most honest way, like being emotionally naked, no defense: this is what I truly am.

But 2020 and 2021 were such bad years with so much pain and death in my life, so I decided to replace skulls with flowers 'cause I wanted to choose beauty, growth and happiness over pain. I wanted everything to be more pretty than in real life.

I know it may sound corny and it's weird to express this 'cause I'm not used to, I hate feeling exposed with my art, but I also want to start being sincere with what I do and if someone feels connected with it I would be so glad.

This illustration was from a year ago, it was for class but we could do whatever we wanted. At that moment I thought I was doing something quick that was cute, but now I see that I was expressing a lot of what I felt in that moment. I was in the middle of a personal journey but really happy with what I was achieving, and even if I wasn't really happy I wanted people to see that, I wanted them to know that I was proud of what I was becoming. I also was struggling with my appearance, I felt weird being gendered, being a "pretty girl", knowing that I could be sexualised. In that moment being more androgynous felt safe, I just wanted to be seen as a person. And of course I wanted to be rounded with good things, with growth and see life in a more optimistic way.