Thoughts
When a close family friend got cancer, everyone jumped to their aid. I understand that, because cancer is terrible and wearing and sometimes the end. People see this, so they want to help the best way they can. But let me introduce you to something you cannot see, and is just as terrible and wearing and sometimes the end. Mental illness is real, but it's in the heads of people, so you cannot see it, cannot feel it. So people rarely feel the need to help, or actually feel or know that someone needs help. While someone if smiling, looking well, they might be battling the worst kind of head cancer, the one that keeps pushing one to the edge every day. How much more can you take? Cancer sometimes has a sort of time limit, but no one knows how much more you got in your head until it pushed you over the edge. Some days are good, and some are not, when you feel like the only solution to your pain and thoughts is the end. It isn't giving up, but rather choosing between bad and worse, and sometimes worse is the daily life you're struggling with, and the end feels like an escape. With cancer, you don't have an option, you cannot choose what happens, you can only try and do your best and hope for the best. You do that with a mental illness too, but it's your choice, and it scares you shitless because you don't know how your choices might switch or change based on your surroundings. And it scares you shitless that some day, you might not be able to take it any longer. I am scared.
