𝒐’ 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍,

𝙰𝙽 𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙿𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙽𝚃 & 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙰𝚃𝙴 𝙼𝚄𝙻𝚃𝙸-𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶,  𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒊.

‘  you don’t feel strange at all? not even a little bit?  ’ ‘  oh shit, waddup! i’m taking a selfie with some demons, yooo. hell yeah, whaaa!!  ’ ‘  you’re insufferable.  ’ ‘  yeah, i’m just gonna… get some fucking holy water.  ’ ‘  i’ve lived my life with one adage and that’s don’t fuck with demons.  ’ ‘  i just love seeing you squirm!  ’ ‘  okay, tell your spooky story!  ’ ‘  i think this is all bullshit.  ’ ‘  we better get out of this house, somebody knocked our little bear out of his little wicker chair.  ’ ‘  you’re telling me you wouldn’t be unnerved by going upstairs and seeing a bunch of stuffed animals organized into a little cult circle when no one did it?  ’ ‘  what the fuck? oh shit! no!! where’s my holy water?  ’ ‘  what the fuck? oh shit! no!!  ’ ‘  where’s my holy water?  ’ ‘  it’s just a flashlight! it rolls, it’s cylindrical!  ’ ‘  here’s the thing– this is what i fucking love about like, paranormal evidence. people are always clamoring for it, right? like ‘where’s the evidence,’ and then when the evidence is finally they’re like, ‘fake!’  ’ ‘  if you slit my throat tonight, i’m gonna have a hard time forgiving you for that.  ’ ‘  will you haunt me for the rest of my life?  ’ ‘  no, i won’t haunt you cause i’ll be dead. ghosts aren’t real.  ’ ‘  that demon’s racist!  ’ ‘  fuck that demon, he’s whitewashing the history of this house.  ’ ‘  this demon’s what’s wrong with hollywood.  ’ ‘  whatever, demon’s racist. i don’t respect this demon.  ’ ‘  you’ve lost your mind!  ’ ‘  here we go! rock and roll, buckaroo.  ’ ‘  fuck this house. fuck this house so hard.  ’ ‘  here’s the thing, i discount almost 100% of all of ‘i saw it in the middle of the night’ things because sleep paralysis, often times, most people wake up and see shit.  ’ ‘  if i wake up tonight and there’s this grotesque looking thing laying next to me and just staring at me with it’s fucking stupid beady eyes open, i’m gonna shit myself. there’s gonna be poo in my sleeping bag.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna sleep closer to you, i don’t care.  ’ ‘  every little pin drop that you hear, every little creak, it’s gonna make your butthole tighten.  ’ ‘  i think it would be a sleep-full night for me if it weren’t for you.  ’ ‘  annnnnd nope, i’m man enough to admit that this is not happening tonight. i can’t. it’s not happening ever.  ’ ‘  you givin’ up?  ’ ‘  i just think it’s silly to give up at the last minute, but whatever. you know, it’s no big deal.  ’ ‘  did you just call the demon a motherfucker?  ’ ‘  i don’t give a shit now, i’m gone.  ’ ‘  peace out, bitches. go fuck yourself. you were truly awful and i hate you.  ’ ‘  this is the happiest moment of my life.  ’ ‘  i think it was just a wonderful coincidence.  ’ ‘  i’m glad it happened because i got to see you turn into a babbling mess.  ’ ‘  i’m happy to let you believe in this ‘cause i think it’s fun that you believe in it, cause if we go to more places, it’s gonna be fun to watch you freak out some more. so great.  ’ ‘  let’s just call it unsolved, how ‘bout that?  ’ ‘  but we sure had fun!  ’ ‘  he looks really happy, actually. look at that little face. he looks like he’s eatin’ grapes.  ’ ‘  that’s really interesting, let’s get the fuck out of here.  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna imagine that. can’t you just let me enjoy the moment for once?  ’ ‘  what a trip its been. we’ve seen a lot of stuff. seen spiders, we’ve seen… ghouls.  ’ ‘  this looks like disney land. i wouldn’t be surprised if they got cotton candy in there.  ’ ‘  yuk it up, man. yuk it up. you’re really enjoying this, but when the lights go off, this may be a little different.  ’ ‘  you’re full of shit if you do not feel strange right now.  ’ ‘  i assure you in like half of the places you’ve been, people have died there. people have probably died in the chipotle we just ate at.  ’ ‘  well then that’s why she didn’t live forever! cause she found a loophole!  ’ ‘  i won’t argue that your logic is flawed. i just hate it because it’s detrimental to my argument.  ’ ‘  you think the ghosts just checked in every like 3 to 5 years?  ’ ‘  this is a theory. i’m just stating a theory.  ’ ‘  no one builds a house like this because they have arthritis. no one says, ‘oh, my knuckles feel a little funny. i’m gonna build a house with 500 rooms.’  ’ ‘  i hear ya, man. i agree with ya. i’m just saying this is a theory that people believe… and i’m relaying the theory.  ’ ‘  those people are idiots.  ’ ‘  i mean, you know what the doctor says: ‘nothing’s better for arthritis than a two story drop to the floor below’ right?  ’ ‘  although, i will say, i cannot imagine communicating with spirits produces any kind of receipt.  ’ ‘  that’d be– yeah. i… i agree with your calling of bullshit.  ’ ‘  good! i’m glad we agree on something for once.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna lock myself in here with the ghosts.  ’ ‘  i knew that you were gonna do that and it still scared me. fuck you.  ’ ‘  hey, man. calm down!  ’ ‘  you almost scared me to death – i’m never gonna forgive you for that. hope you’re fucking proud of yourself.  ’ ‘  there’s a lot of things that you can’t see that are real. you can’t see gravity – that’s real.  ’ ‘  i can’t see gravity? yeah, i can drop an apple.  ’ ‘  hey, ghosts! tussle my hair. give me a little purple nurple or something, let’s have some fun!  ’ ‘  you’re the worst.  ’ ‘  if i have to spend one more moment looking at your silly face, i think i might murder you myself.  ’ ‘  we’re on our way to a nightmare.  ’ ‘  you’re on your way to a nightmare. i’m on my way to a nice retreat.  ’ ‘  this is a mistake.  ’ ‘  there’s also a thunderstorm rolling in so that’s fun.  ’ ‘  he looks fine. look at him! the kids fine and now i feel like a big weenie.  ’ ‘  you are a big weenie.  ’ ‘  this is the beginning of a horror movie right now.  ’ ‘  that’s an ominous cloud in the sky. some very atmospheric thunder.  ’ ‘  well, this seems all horrible and awful in general.  ’ ‘  look, there’s spiders everywhere, so that’s nice.  ’ ‘  see, i’m more concerned about the spiders than the ghosts.  ’ ‘  i thought i got bit in the asscheeks by a spider.  ’ ‘  anytime i get even remotely spooked, i just look to the monkey with the sunglasses.  ’ ‘  is that a bed? is that a guy? should we poke it with a stick?  ’ ‘  uhh, sure. if that’s what it’s gonna take to get us out of here then yes, i believe in all of this.  ’ ‘  this is a fucking nightmare.  ’ ‘  what the fuck was that?! holy shit balls!  ’ ‘  okay, i don’t care what his favorite was – fuck that, let’s go.  ’ ‘  toodaloo, can’t say it was pleasurable.  ’ ‘  fuck everything about that place.  ’ ‘  ‘odd’ doesn’t even begin to describe this one. it’s very strange.  ’ ‘  my interest is piqued.  ’ ‘  they’re making their kids work seven days a week? my parents would maybe be like, ‘empty the dishwasher’ on a… you know, a thursday, and i’d be like, ‘this is bullshit.’   ’ ‘  i guess i’d run away from my parents if they made me work seven days a week, especially if i was shoveling horse shit and moving dirt.  ’ ‘  i’d fake my own death.  ’ ‘  you strike me as one of those idiots who likes to put their phone down and walk into the middle of the woods and experience nature and all that bullshit.  ’ ‘  either way, leaving your house in this day and age without your phone, without your credit cards, that’s already a death sentence. you can’t do that.  ’ ‘  this is what happens when you live on a farm.  ’ ‘  what wide generalization are you gonna make about people on farms right now?  ’ ‘  i just think you gotta read some– some culture, eh, watch some two and a half men, i don’t care. just connect to popular media and know what the world is thinking, otherwise you go nuts.  ’ ‘  yeah, ‘cause nothing says sanity and civilization like a red robin resturant, right?  ’ ‘  how much trouble could a family of farmers get into?  ’ ‘  farmers and bears don’t mix. they don’t put bears on farms.  ’ ‘  i imagine this is a little bit more than they bargained for when they were trying to find that pikachu.  ’ ‘  that’s fucking terrifying.  ’ ‘  you just lock your door. you’re in a car, drive away. that’s not that scary. and then, you know, if the doors don’t work and he starts breaking a window, then guess what? time to die. and that’s a bummer.  ’ ‘  then guess what? time to die. and that’s a bummer.  ’ ‘  what point does the fear come in? about when the life is draining out of my body.  ’ ‘  oh yeah, excuse the public for wondering about your safety, sir.  ’ ‘  this does make me realize i don’t give people the middle finger enough.  ’ ‘  i guess i’ll just go fuck myself then.  ’ ‘  i’m not gonna go find my kids if i’m trying to get off the grid. off the grid, no more kids.  ’ ‘  alright, well… once again, we’ve solved nothing.  ’ ‘  do you think you could become part of a shared delusion?  ’ ‘  every time i’ve ever offered even a little bit of a delusional thought, you immediately shut it down.  ’ ‘  no one thinks they’re susceptible to shared delusions and then it happens.  ’ ‘  what if we’re in a shared delusion right now?  ’ ‘  is this all in our mind?  ’ ‘  it could be all in our mind. this could be the most elaborate delusion of all and we’re talking we’re talking about delusions which, in term, is actually a weird delusional loop.  ’

‘  do you think we’re gonna die here tonight?  ’ ‘  it’s horrifying, chilling… just over all not good.  ’ ‘  should we just get this over with?  ’ ‘  he’s a fucking criminal.  ’ ‘  sharing is caring? meh, go fuck yourself.  ’ ‘  oh god, um… oh my god, i fucking hate this.  ’ ‘  stop banging on the door, you dick.  ’ ‘  what. the fuck. is wrong with you.  ’ ‘  i gotta be honest, this doesn’t really compel me very much.  ’ ‘  that was a joke that i made and then it formed your opinion on it.  ’ ‘  flip that switch. do you think that’s the murder switch?  ’ ‘  this is embarrassing. this is embarrassing for you, i think.  ’ ‘  no one’s ghost-proof.  ’ ‘  i’m ghost-proof.  ’ ‘  you’re not ghost-proof. you’re just an idiot who refuses to see proof.  ’ ‘  i’m ghost-proof, baby!  ’ ‘  that sounded like will smith!  ’ ‘  is will smith dead? has anyone checked the news?!  ’ ‘  the problem is if there’s something that attacks us down here, i’m going to hit my head on the ceiling and my skull will smash.  ’ ‘  alright, buddy. keep your wits about ya.  ’ ‘  let’s get the fuck out of here.  ’ ‘  i kind of just looked into places that would make me wanna die and i think this checks that box.  ’ ‘  did i just blind you? good, good, good. it’ll give you the vision.  ’ ‘  take a drink!  ’ ‘  i’m gonna get you all tanked.  ’ ‘  what do you expect? what insight are you trying to gather from here?  ’ ‘  maybe the noise is a little snake. can you imagine a little snake wrapped around a little pickaxe with a little hat on?  ’ ‘  i’m not trying to do that whole dismissive thing, but… i’m dismissing it.  ’ ‘  alright. alright, man. you just gotta chill.  ’ ‘  i thought ‘glory hole’ used to mean something very innocuous, though.  ’ ‘  it’s where the men fucked the earth hoping to impregnate it with gold.  ’ ‘  a bug flew up my nose.  ’ ‘  i think i’ve swallowed about six tablespoons of bugs at this point.  ’ ‘  it’s so silent aside from the bugs in my ears.  ’ ‘  a bat flew right behind you just now.  ’ ‘  that bat was straight-up going for your ass… it was an ass bat.  ’ ‘  dude, i’m so nervous.  ’ ‘  how can you be nervous with a beautiful sunset like that?  ’ ‘  there’s some pretty shitty things that have happened to people around here.  ’ ‘  can you even look at least a little bit worried?  ’ ‘  yeah, i’m fucking nervous, man. i feel like i’m gonna vomit.  ’ ‘  we’re all assholes here.  ’ ‘  i don’t know why i phrased it ‘lucky for us.’ i think i was feeling brave when i wrote this.  ’ ‘  yeah, this isn’t lucky for you at all.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna try and avoid saying ‘demon’ as much as i can.  ’ ‘  i’m not gonna let you goad me into this, i know what you’re trying to do.  ’ ‘  shut up. we’re moving on.  ’ ‘  you know what? i’m not trying to scare you, but… i got a bad feeling about this one.  ’ ‘  why are you unbuttoning your pants? we’re in public right now.  ’ ‘  oh… you’ve out-dumbed yourself.  ’ ‘  you know, i thought this was gonna be funny, but now i’m actually happy that i have it.  ’ ‘  i’m a whole other coin. just like a chill ass wheat-back penny.  ’ ‘  i’m doing it for the betterment of the science.  ’ ‘  any demons here? you got any demons out tonight? any horn-y boys or whatever they are.  ’ ‘  you may not like this… i’m gonna try to agitate it.  ’ ‘  you do what you gotta do and i’ll do what i gotta do.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna be as crude as possible here.  ’ ‘  no, no, no. just right out of the gate. why build up?  ’ ‘  if you don’t believe then there’s nothing for you to be afraid of, right?  ’ ‘  you can be is big of a prick as you want, but i’m staying over here.  ’ ‘  if you want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to kill me.  ’ ‘  nope! don’t loop me into your shit!  ’ ‘  stop looping me. i hate when you do this to me in demon places.  ’ ‘  i’m not part of his little charade.  ’ ‘  children will come here and tell tales about me.  ’ ‘  shut the fuck up – i’m gonna murder you.  ’ ‘  oh what a load of horse shit.  ’ ‘  oh, skip the theatrics and just go into it.  ’ ‘  if you want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to throw me off.  ’ ‘  you gotta admit, that is an effective technique.  ’ ‘  no, it’s not an effective technique. it’s a way to get killed.  ’ ‘  that’s not how you get them, shut up.  ’ ‘  when’s the last time you ever walked into the dark woods?  ’ ‘  this is so much scarier than hunting fucking sasquatch.  ’ ‘  people usually feel overcome with emotion in here, like a violent emotion.  ’ ‘  give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous. i would appreciate that.  ’ ‘  by the way, these woods are also scary because of the people that might be in there.  ’ ‘  i mean, people are greater threats than demons or ghouls.  ’ ‘  i can’t fight, you can’t fight.  ’ ‘  you’re like one of those carwash floaty things that are out front just wiggling around.  ’ ‘  anyone doing up to no good out here?  ’ ‘  one of these times we’re gonna die.  ’ ‘  oh shit! there’s something over there. i don’t know what it is, but the bushes are moving.   ’ ‘  i just heard a scream.  ’ ‘  well, if we just make it seem like we’re in on it, like… we’re here for the cult stuff.  ’ ‘  we’re here for the cult stuff. we saw the ad on craigslist.  ’ ‘  it feels weird to even joke. i’m so fucking scared right now.  ’ ‘  oh sure they’d be hiding in the bushes. they’re cultists.  ’ ‘  i keep collecting spiderwebs on my face and now i’m just sort of immune to them. i’m just letting them accumulate.  ’ ‘  well, you are just a giant stick walking around.  ’ ‘  oh, this looks fun… an odd collection of branches. looks like a witch lair or something.  ’ ‘  hello? you can’t be doing occult stuff like this. it’s a weeknight.  ’ ‘  dude, wait. you’re fucking crazy.  ’ ‘  you need to chill. you need to chill out.  ’ ‘  hey man, it’s just a plant.  ’ ‘  we kicked goatman off the bridge, it’s ours now.  ’ ‘  goatman, are you out here in the woo– well, he’s out here in the woods ‘cause he’s not tending to his bridge.  ’ ‘  clearly. that’s why finders keepers and all that.  ’ ‘  hey, if there’s cultists out there… i gotta let you know, my pal has a water gun.  ’ ‘  i don’t like this, i don’t like this one bit.  ’ ‘  we are hearing noise from all sides at this point. it’s very blair witch.  ’ ‘  yeah, let’s leave.  ’ ‘  the name ‘steve’ doesn’t really strike fear into the heart.  ’ ‘  i’ll go along with this. fun gimmick.  ’ ‘  well demons, it’s been fun.  ’ ‘  as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp.  ’ ‘  this bridge is officially mine. they’ll tell legends of me here.  ’ ‘  oh god, i feel like i’ve gone to the dark side.  ’ ‘  just gloat a little bit. this is a win for you.  ’

Get it together, Drew. You don’t believe in ghosts. Right?

                               𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺   &   𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹.