Have you ever wanted to tell someone you used to talk to you’re happy for them but you just felt like they would think you were only trying to cause them grief by contacting them again? Of course, there’s plenty of justification for this. They told you that you only needed them when that certain someone wasn’t texting you back or when you were so broken that no one else would tolerate you. And they were partly right. But that means that you were partly wrong.
I was wrong.
About a lot. Things could’ve been different. I didn’t mean to be wrong. I had every intention of getting it right. But intentions don’t make up for action. The way I acted was unacceptable but I didn’t know- yes, I did.. I knew better. I didn’t think any better. I was playing catch with glass hearts, convincing myself they were rocks I could toss aside when I’d had my fun. But the delicate pieces that I crafted through carelessness cut me as I attempted to put beautiful delicacy back together.
Such is my life.
Blindly taking what I want because I can and ignoring all consequence. I have felt no greater shame than facing the shattered mess I called love with no way to get back the masterpiece that once was. A sculpture, once broken, can never again achieve it’s full form. Something you think one would recognize when handling precious art.
I’d like to think I’ve evolved.
That the words she said were aimed backwards into the whirling tide pool of time because she didn’t know me now. Yet, despite my aloof demeanor while shots were fired, bullets bounced around in my head seeking to pierce truth whether it existed or not. That could’ve been the final turning point. Maybe it’s another dead end in the maze of self-discovery…No, it was a sign. One final lesson from a true friend. I’ve come very far.
But there’s much more to accomplish before I’m through.
This is an attention seeking moment for me. I was scrolling and looking for a video I made and found this. I am still surprised that it has no notes or anything. I don’t know, I thought it was beautiful and possibly relatable It still rings true to me.
