Indecisive about whether should i despise myself for being so dense or people not understanding me
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@tormented-curioushooman
Indecisive about whether should i despise myself for being so dense or people not understanding me

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oh how i despise myself for being hyper sensitive....i always tell myself okay you're cynic and you need to be such but just then i look at myself and my whole damn life i see how selfless i've been the whole time, i observed things too profoundly, looked at people through the lens of love and care, the care i needed the most...i couldn't help it, it was just how i've been living... everyone said i'm too kind but was i so?! ...may be i was too selfless to be cynic.
and then what remains of me here,
some fragments, some words,
visuals of people and places,
scattered around in a mess,
similar to that one grave out there in
our village's graveyard,
carrying photographs, belongings and bits,
a horrowing space.
i feel suffocated to live under same sky as of people who normalize genocide of infant and childrens
I'm a living paradox.

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In my Raskolnikov era, depressed, insane and a student.
"I've never regretted my silence. As for my speech, I have regretted it over and over again many times. "
โiโm still figuring out who i am, and some days that feels exciting, and other days it feels exhausting.โ
"Don't grieve, anything you loose comes round in another form" ~ Rumi(shams tabriz)
We are sum of our losses.
Well, I was always tired, tired and tired by being out there among all the people, playing my role.

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I sleep for 3-4 hrs only to take an 8 hr nap.
Life was better before I learned the term skepticism.
Okay so, I think love is utopia ... I mean we tend to label attachment, attraction, dependency, and all other things as love but what actually love is!, is not clear I mean, atleast not to me till now... Idk may be we'll find someday!
I was consumed by the curiousity about everything happening around me.... Just when everyone around me was busy enjoying their lives making friends, going out.... And doing every thing they liked and wanted to do I was consumed by the thirst of knowing about all the things happening around me, even the things that didn't even mattered for me... I was overthinking all the time not a single moment was there without thinking about anything.... Just crazyyyy... I had to know about all in order to perish.... Perish!?... As they say the more one knows the more he feeels ignorant.... Infact I am an ignorant actually??
๐๐ฃ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต. ๐๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง.

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"My definition of wisdom is knowing the long-term consequences of your actions."
Unknown.
"I wish to live! "...
I exist, with a healthy body, sound mind and all necessities of life... But still I wish to live... Does it really make any sense.... I mean it does but at the same time it doesn't, I'm here among people existing but not living, I just exist, exist and exist...