This one is PURELY NS.F.W!!!
Change pronouns to fit your muse, yadda, yadda.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
We should play strip poker. You can strip and I’ll poke you.
My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties? Oh you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.
Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch penis, but I’d never shortchange myself like that.
I hope you’re a plumber, because you’ve got my pipe leaking.
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that ass is calling me.
My couch pulls out but I don’t.
If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
You’re so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy’s getting smashed tonight.
My allergies are acting up. Because every time your around my dick swells up.
You’re just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.
I’ve just received government funding for a 4 hr expedition to find your G-spot.
Are you a supermarket sample? Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
You look so good, I wanna kiss your lips and move up to your bellybutton.
I like my coffee how I like my woman… creamed.
I’ll show you my tan lines if you’ll show me yours.
Sit on my face and I’ll eat my way to your heart.
Great dress/pants. I’m sorry I’ll have to rip it apart.
Bet I can touch your belly button… from the inside.
I bet your nipples are pink. Mind if I take a look?
I’ll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
You’re like my pinky toe, I’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Do you know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what your pussy needs.
You know how your hair would look really good? In my lap.
Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out.
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get.
I’m a mindreader and yes I will sleep with you.
I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.
So you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
My dick’s been feeling dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.
Are you the lottery lady on TV? Because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.
I’m a bird watcher & I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
Did you grow up on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my dick.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore. My face should be among them.
Want to see if you can add “has an awesome gag reflex” to your resume?
Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.
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