too fuckable

A few days ago, I saw traces of the old me. Nicely curled hair with makeup, and manicured nails. How so much has changed. They say that a girl changes many times throughout her life and I can't help but agree.

Now when I look at myself in the mirror, I have "lost" the curled hair and it's too straight. The idea of looking effortlessly beautiful seems to have passed my age. I'm at the age when I just want to enjoy the small things like having more time to spend with my parents or just reading my book or going to the gym.

I feel like those aunties I see at HV on saturdays. Honestly, if someone asks me if I've become one of them? I wouldn't be able to say no. I find it endearing when I'm looking at Envy apples at NTUC and the aunties tell me that I missed the good deal from 1 week ago.

Our lives have changed, or should I say my life has changed so much? From a little girl who always wanted to work in a big company, I have hit my peak early and now I'm just a little granny into baking bread.

I wonder if next year today I'll be holding a little baby. I've been thinking about it. Parts of me is worried about whether I'll be able to get pregnant. Another part of me reminds myself that we all start from somewhere just like how when I first moved in with my husband in 2023 I couldn't even turn on the stove using fire, and I insisted cooking with fire because felt it made a difference in the taste of the food. I still remember asking my husband to watch over me when I turned on the stove or when I was scared of using the wrong plate inside the microwave/oven.

Now I know what to do and don't think too much about the oven and stove. I wonder if it will be the same for driving.

Parts of me wishes I could go back to being that pretty little thing. Another part, hates to admit it but I feel and love how comfortable I am just being a normal girl without makeup getting on with her life. There's no right or wrong but just what I prioritize.

That's all my word vomit for now.