jon: felt like my first friend relationship but i was poor and his family wasn’t. after a ghosting lost my best friend and partner but left in the dark as to why. found him middle of the night going to hook up with a “normal looking” girl who was nicer to me. biggest heartbreak of my life.
brandon: man child martyr. good family, but wanted to be victimized. still acts like child from what i can see. mdma rotted his brain i was lonely.
nick: overall a good person but didn’t get how i was neurodivergent. porn addicted took a toll on my self esteem. never complimented me but called every girl on the street sexy.
noah: pseudo intellectual when really a cum in a rag piss in a bottle loser. cut my self worth down while i begged for attention. no job over a year. violent alcoholic
dakota: satan. spoiled. forever jealous of me.
withholding some level of compassion, care, or attempt to understand, attention to detail they didn’t deem necessary
whereas i’m expected to give and over give
feel as though something is inherently bad with me and i’m lucky they could put up with it as much as they do
keep me on my toes feeling like an embarrassment of sorts
which can be done, like i do have shame about how bad i was brought up even though it was done to me and wasn’t my fault. so it’s like… playing off that.
especially when they want some kind of control.
so i make myself into a smaller and smaller box so gradually i don’t notice how im being locked up because im too busy performing humanism or within the confines of what they think that means or should be.
then i really do start to feel crazy.
hope he dies.
