#r #self / #head on fire #theo. / #teeth frozen over #matthias.
29, they/them, personal blog, 18+.

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YOU ARE THE REASON

if i look back, i am lost
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@tompodowski
#r #self / #head on fire #theo. / #teeth frozen over #matthias.
29, they/them, personal blog, 18+.

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photo by emil dietrich for andron journal
Secretary (Steven Shainberg, 2002)
Whatâs up with this fandom obsession and need to see Louis killing Lestatâs lovers? I see way too many post saying âs3 need to have a scene where Louis kills some of Lestatâs groupiesâ. Why? That wouldnât make any sense. I mean he didnât kill Antoinette when loustat was together so why would he kill any groupies when they arenât together? Iâll get it if he did kill Antoinette in the past (it still wouldnât make sense in s3 because they arenât together), but at least thereâs evidence of Louis doing that once before so he could do it again. I see so many people saying âoh, the show missed the chance to have Louis kill Antoinetteâ or âI wish Louis killed Antoinetteâ. I for one am glad the writers didnât have Louis kill Antoinette. That doesnât fit with Louisâs character. To be fair I do see the opposite where people want Lestat to kill Louisâs flings in s3, but itâs not at the same level. Like the amount isnât the same. So why? Why do people want Louis to kill or harm Lestatâs lovers?
i think there are a few factors there. people have very reductive and immature look at romantic relationship in fiction and how people show their love to each other. i kinda blame our current era of "dead" romance, where a lot of popular media about romance is extremely trope-y and focuses on sex as the most important part of the relationship. that's where idea of violent jealousy as some kinda ultimate proof of love often comes from.
and i'm not saying that violent jealousy can't be fun (personally, i love it), but i see a lot of issues with it as a storytelling device, especially when it comes to louis and characters similar to him.
what we learned about louis in s1&2 is that he tends to be more subtle and avoidant about his affection. we know he loves lestat, but during their time together he's never even said this to him (not verbally at least). lestat saw louis as "loving and dedicated", but obviously louis' avoidance got to him as well, since he started doubting louis' love and fully believed that louis won't ever love him back.
but there's actually a lot of nuance and complexity there. the problem is that people misinterpret loustat dynamic horribly. they take the most shallow view possible and it leads to some bizarre headcanons and ideas.
first of all, there are quite of few reasons why louis acts like this: the fear of vulnerability; the unwillingness to give up his last bit of control in relationship with lestat because he didn't feel safe and secure enough (often because of lestat's actions); him seeing his love as destructive and poisonous to other people (like, "i love you" were the last words louis said to his brother before he killed himself); and of course his depression seriously dulling his affection.
and there's also the other side of things, because lestat who desperately wanted louis' love.... didn't really have a concept what love is supposed to be. lestat's concept of love is utterly fucked. what he wanted and what he needed were very different things. and before lestat realizes that and start deconstructing his worldview, louis' love wouldn't really "come through" to him, even if louis would be more openly affectionate.
but a lot of people see louis' unwillingness to be open about his love as some kind of simplified romance trope. they look at this from lestat's pov, or maybe even the same kinda framing the trial in s2e7 used. in this pov louis doesn't really have some kind of complex interiority. he's seen as a stubborn asshole who refuses to give lestat affection purely out of spite and anger. and in this worldview, louis needs to be "humbled", he needs to act "irrational and jealous", while lestat sit there waiting for louis to acknowledge how much he wants him or whatever.
even more frustratingly, that's how a lot of people see s1e6: not as a victim of domestic abuse giving up to manipulation of his abuser and having angry "taking back some control after being almost murdered by your husband" kind of sex. no, a lot of people see it as louis being stubborn and not accepting lestat's love until he finally gives up and go to lestat's mistress' house to "take back what is his". while there's maybe a truth to the second interpretation, only the first one acknowledges louis as complex character capable of being hurt and traumatized.
and only when people see louis as the character capable of being hurt and traumatized, they'll understand that he's not that "stubborn", possessive and jealous as they want him to be. this kinda framing always displays the lack of interest in louis as a character with interiority, as well as abuse victim. louis doesn't need to "prove" his love to lestat and especially not in a form of acting violently jealous. in fact, louis doesn't owe anything to lestat.

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âyou big into claudiaâ donât even joke lad
AMC's Interview with the Vampire (2022), Season 1 Episode 2 | Jacob Anderson as Louis de Pointe du Lac
I want you flat on your back. Helpless, tender, open, with only me to help. And then I want you strong again. Youâre not going to die. You might wish youâre going to die, but youâre not going to. You need to settle down a little.
Phantom Thread (2017) dir. Paul Thomas Anderson
Alexander SkarsgĂĽrd as Ray âł PILLION (2025)

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Shengzhe
THE PITT 2x15 9:00PM
lauradonna + anthems for a seventeen year old girl
KATHARINE ISABELLE as GINGER FITZGERALD GINGER SNAPS (2000), by John Fawcett & Karen Walton

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Peter Steele, Playgirl August 1995
You the only man thatâs ever touched me. Youâre the only one. I havenât really touched anyone since.
Moonlight (2016), dir. Barry Jenkins