𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔢.

"No– I mean— Yeah. Something like that..."

You had to crash at her place tonight because your feelings were getting "overwhelming" and so you needed someone to keep you grounded.

"Girl, you're not even sure."

"I just don't know what to think when I felt uneasy seeing him so free with another girl!" You huff out in annoyance, trying to make sense to her (and to yourself as well).

"Then stop being a coward and tell him about your feelings." Shoko deadpans.

"You don't get it! This is supposed to be a "no strings attached" type of thing! And... I'm scared of rejection or..maybe even losing him."

She sighs, clearly done and on the verge of hitting herself against the wall. And you're just clueless and disappointed, trying to figure out these "unexplainable" feelings.

"And besides, it's pathetic you know? He can control his feelings so well and here I am, making a mess out of it."

"Why do you even like him anyway? Isn't he a fuckboy? Mind you, you could never stay in the same room with one."

Suguru is not a fuckboy, that's just a facade he wants everyone to believe. But you don't, you saw him more than that, you saw him right through everything and he let you. He even said you were the only person who actually discovered more of him than just his default personality. And the way he's with you...like you're the only one in his world, the way he does it so effortlessly and gives all of him to you...was the only thing you held onto. That was enough for you to fall.

Shoko's voice cuts in through your thoughts, interrupting you. "You're gonna be even more pathetic if you just sit here and cry about it. I taught you way better."

You roll your eyes and glare at her. "Yeah? You think it's easy?"

"Wouldn't it be easier if you declined his offer for a situationship at the beginning..." She takes another drag of her cigarette finally tossing it aside.

"Look, I'm just saying that it's better to confess and let the weight off your shoulders. If he rejects? Don't give any fuck, there's more better men waiting for you. What are you so scared for anyway?" Shoko shrugs before giving another idea, "Or, just avoid him. Unless you can't keep your hands off of him."

You groan and hug the pillow in frustration. You think she's right though. In simple words, it's now or never.

A FEW DAYS LATER ；AT THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS —

For the past few days, you haven't seen him or reached out to him. You were ignoring him, not because it was his fault but because you needed to get a grip of the whirlwind of your thoughts. But what hurt a little was, Suguru didn't even realize.

You were walking at the campus, heading to class with your bag strap slung on your shoulder. You paused at the sight of a girl too close to Suguru and he even let her. You both lock eyes but you quickly avert your gaze before continuing to walk to class. Meanwhile, Suguru raises his eyebrows in amusement.

You enter the classroom and to your surprise, he's already at your seat, flashing you that stupid yet irresistible smile of his. You look at him in disbelief as you approach the seat. But you chose to ignore his antics and place the bag between you both, maintaining a distance. And that just adds more to his entertainment.

Suguru pushes your bag away before scooting closer to you, draping his arm on the back of the seat. You catch a glimpse of his lip piercing as he keeps looking at you. Your cheek reddened under the intensity of his gaze before you quickly cleared your throat.

"You're too close."

"I'm pretty sure I was close to you in more than one way."

You roll your eyes as more students walk into the classroom. The teacher then enters and starts the class, making Suguru lean away and sit properly. You let out a breath of relief, because you didn't know how to keep yourself sane around him. Not when he was that close to you, not when his scent dazed through your senses.

Soon the classes ended and you started packing your things up before hurrying away, not wanting to stay even for a second with him. And Suguru? He's just genuinely confused now.

It was late at night, and you were up studying for the upcoming semester in the living room, your legs rested on the coffee table while you work on your laptop and take notes. You were exhausted, but something kept you up. Not the panic for the exam or anything, but the hope that someone will come to you. Every now and then, you replay the memory of him laughing and getting so close with another girl. Did he lie to you? That you're different to him? You run your hands down your face in frustration before shutting the laptop shut. You can't study like this, not with him effortlessly finding a way to disturb you in your mind. And to make things worse, Suguru blew your phone with messages, the ones you chose to ignore and put your phone to DND. You have to find a way to clear your mind and keep him out of reach, you can't be distracted. Nope.

And so, you continue your life without paying him any attention. You don't invite him over anymore, or appear at his doorstep when he texts you. You don't get coffee together anymore or have him accompany you and study with you in the library. Those things used to be mundane for both of you. You avoid his eye contact and walk straight to class and sit with someone else. You still don't blame him, but yourself only. Which is why you're punishing yourself and keeping yourself in the walls that Suguru managed to break through.

And Suguru? No, he's not done. In fact he's relentless. You thought you were doing a great job at ignoring him fully until he made things more difficult than it is. He's everywhere as you are. Messaging you often and sending you his stupid muscular pics of his. He sends photos of his back muscles and biceps that you were (and still) so obsessed with. He's not letting you go, not after you explain this bullshit.

And so, you find yourself pinned against the door of his apartment after you let him reluctantly. It wasn't your fault! He just gave you a gentle look that said "I'm not disturbing you, Am I?" which made you feel slightly guilty for trying to deny him in.

Suguru kisses you senseless as he lifts you by your thighs and wraps them around his waist. You run your fingers in his hair, kissing him back with the same fervency as you couldn't help it.

He walks to your couch before gently laying you down, he never forgets to make sure you're alright even in the heat of the moment. That's why you forgot why you were depriving yourself of his touch and gentleness.

He doesn't kiss you yet, even when you're squirming. Sure he's staring down at you like he's about to ravish you, but behind those eyes are his genuine concerns hidden.

"You've been avoiding me."

Your cheeks are flushed and your lips are glossy and a bit swollen because of his doings. You don't reply, as you're too embarrassed at this point.

He notices your distress though immediately, sitting up before pulling you onto his lap without any struggle. He wraps his arms around your waist.

"Did I do anything wrong?"

The way he asks, like he cares. You gulp, not trusting your voice yet you do, just for him.

"No Sugu... It's not your fault... It's... It's actually me. I'm the problem."

He frowns, but doesn't interrupt when he sees you trying to keep going.

"Look, you can laugh at me or anything but I need to get this out of my head." You take a deep breath before continuing.

"I'm in love with you Suguru. Not because you're good in sex!" You quickly try to reason, "But because... you make me feel like something I've desperately wanted to feel when I was a young teenager. You were so gentle and caring towards me...even after I ignored you deliberately. I just...I just don't know how I should control my feelings like you but it's completely alright if you don't feel—"

Suguru interrupts you by capturing your lips with his, but this time with slow and gentleness. Not like the way he kissed you during sex, but in a way that he wants to savour this moment. He pulls away shortly after with a string of his saliva connected to your lips.

He wiped it away, his gaze ever so softening.

"Then you should have told me you dummy." He smiles.

"You have no idea— How badly I was holding back myself from ruining everything by my stupidity. I liked you, but I couldn't say anything. Because it was me who said "no strings attached". Can you believe the irony?" He chuckles, now caressing your cheek with his thumb. "I wanted to tell you, but my coward ass just kept getting in the way. I wasn't just having sex with you, I was trying to keep you close to me. I wasn't ready to let you go. Not now, not ever. You understood me, all the sweet nothings that I whispered in your ears were never fake. They were a moment of my vulnerability. I always wondered about how you took my words. Hell I even tried to gaslight myself into thinking that another girl is as same as you, but it's all wrong. You proved that wrong. They wanted me for sex, you wanted me for me. But now that the moment that I dreamed is finally happening? I couldn't ask for anything better."

Suguru didn't even give you a chance to react before crashing his lips on yours and already pushing you back to the couch again.

And you? You're just glad he's finally yours, and you're finally his.

Another guest who's probably going to ask for shelter. You sigh and walk to the door to open it. Surprisingly, you find a handsome white haired man with frightening light blue eyes standing at the doorstep who grins when you opened the door.

"I'm not like them by the way." He doesn't sound desperate...nor human. You can't really distinguish anything about him because he's wearing a hoodie. And you forgot to pay attention to his gums when he grinned because let's be real, you weren't expecting a handsome guy at your porch asking for shelter. You're not even sure if you're supposed to be alerted or... let your guard down. Because honestly? You're kind of lonely. All the friends that you had either got killed by visitors or probably died by the scorching sun. The lockdown has been keeping you unsocial for a month, you don't even know how to communicate at this point. But at the same time, you don't want to be seen dumb or a person who has no survival instincts.

"Show me your arms." You cross your own and shift your weight on one foot.

His grin doesn't falter, instead he just shrugs.

"No can do, I'm not clean y'know?"

Oh, so he's that type of person. You didn't press any further, didn't persist because you're a kind person who believes that he's uncomfortable showing his scars. So, you let him in.

"Thanks by the way. Got any rent I should pay?"

"Not really. Actually, the landlord is dead and I haven't paid rent for weeks." You casually admit, unbothered.

He hums in amusement, nodding before he chuckles.

"You don't even care? That...he's dead?"

"Nah. If anything, it made my life easier. He was an asshole, always doubled my rent when he had spent all his money gambling. I would never let him in if he was alive."

"Well he really did torture you a lot..."

There was a brief of silence before you asked for his name.

"Huh? Oh I'm Satoru." He replies while walking to the living room and plopping himself on the couch, yet being careful about his hoodie so that it doesn't ride up to reveal his skin.

"Well I didn't investigate you much but if you try to kill me, make sure it's not boring." You joke as you take a seat beside him.

He laughs at your request, clearly surprised but really amused.

"Okay well... someone's got zero survival instincts, but don't worry. You're...safe." For now.

The first few days with Satoru were going normal, nothing about him felt suspicious. Not that you care anyway but it was nice to see some changes in your house, you really got some light and noise in your once depressed place. He filled the empty spaces with something, even if it's small and unnoticeable. He made sure to do his laundry and take turns in making dinner and breakfast, only for him to not eat. Really normal for a visitor.

As time passed by, things were going a bit too...uneasy. You found him going static before turning back normal. His once light blue eyes would turn bloodshot. But his nails and gums are perfectly...clean. He tried to conceal what he could. Whenever you'd ask for a picture together, he would decline, saying that he wasn't really "comfortable" with the idea. And his way of outfits were baggy clothes, ones that you lent him which your ex used to wear. Sometimes when you sleep, you'd hear him talking to someone, about finding someone and...the rest were inaudible.

He doesn't kill you, maybe he's waiting for the perfect time. But it wouldn't make much of a difference if you confront him because sooner or later, you'll die anyway.

"So you're like them." You bluntly utter out at the dinner table as you're the only one who's eating and he's just...there, not eating. But you continue,

"Aren't you going to kill me?"

Satoru smiles, too wide to reveal his perfect teeth. He hums, but doesn't answer.

Because the next morning? He's gone, out in the scorching sun. He did leave you a note though... written in blood.

"I'll come back."