Nah

suddenly the fucking

they must've opened the fridge

often you will see things online where you just have to be like "what a strange thing to say" or "i don't think that's true :)" to yourself and try to move on or you will lose your mind

I bet raising your arm and summoning a weapon for you to grasp feels good as fuck

[looks for you in everything] [finds you there]

you need to do a little dance in the kitchen. it is vitally important for your health that you do a little dance in the kitchen. you understand

it's crazy when couples & friends & whatnot refer to themselves as "a packaged eel". like wow you two are so close that you are fusing into a long slimy fuck... & theyre putting you in a box......

Artfully layering an axe bodyspray deodorant and two different perfume oils to create a tasteful mixture of amber, oud, mint, lavender, moss and petrichor, producing a scent that smells exactly like damp, stale, rotting laundry.

Reminds me of that tumblr user that made powdered milk with sparkling water and created instant spoiled milk

That was also me.

Do you know any other ways to speed ruin things?

I wish I knew any other way to do anything.

Did you know that um…. (remembers that words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm) …………

we got really close one time. monkey #44543 almost wrote Othello perfectly but decided to take some creative liberties in act 3 that were kinda shit so the other monkeys took his typewriter away

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair