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Happiness is … 1

See full response to anon’s ask here.  

For anon who asked;

hey can i ask your advice on feeling better after an awful exam? last week i had my hsc half yearlies and i had 5 exams all in one week and i have adhd so study is really hard for me and i did a lot of last minute stuff…and i’ll be lucky if i get 12% and i’m so worried about what my teacher’s going to say…and i’ll embarrass myself and i’ll go from top in the class to irredeemably bottom and it’s all over now but i feel so so awful, i can’t sleep at night bc of stress about it and i don’t know what to do 

“Effort will never betray you”

This quote gets circulated around a lot. With good reason. 

But you know what?

Sometimes effort will betray you.

So here’s some tips on what to do when that sonofabitch stabs you in the back.

(Aka learning to get up when you’ve been (metaphorically) kicked in the balls)

Immediately after the exam

Fight or Flight? 

Everyone responds differently to post-exam stress. Some people find it cathartic to discuss their asnwers immediately after the exam. Others don’t. If you fall within the latter group then don’t be afraid to hightail the fuck out of the exam room as soon as possible. There’s no need to exacerbate your stress levels. Take care of yourself.

What can you control? 

Be honest about what you can control after the exam. You can’t sit the exam again, you can’t rewind the clock two weeks and change your study habits. Whilst its natural to feel a sense of regret or dread over the questions you found challenging, realise that these feelings do not change what has happened. The decisive step is how you respond to these negative emotions. For example, try not to let your feelings about your performance in this exam affect your performance in your next exam. Whether it be ‘compartmentalisation’, ‘crying it out’ or ‘ignoring it’ - stick it in the “IOU” box of emotions to unpack later. All you can do now is to wait for your results.

Quick review 

While it’s still fresh in your mind, write down three positives of the exam, followed by three negatives. Did your study methods correlate to the areas examined? Were you nervous? Was time management an issue? How did you feel walking out of that exam? What song best describes the entire experience? This quickfire stream of consciousness review will serve as an honest reflection from which you can target and refine your exam preparation technique, both academically and emotionally. I also find writing things down a great way to ‘let go’ of those residual emotions from the exam.

Take a break

Chances are, you’ve been highly strung for the past few weeks (or heck, the all nighter you’ve pulled to study for the exam). Congratulate yourself - fuck yes you’ve completed an exam! Find an activity to break up the cycle of study-eat-rest-study. You’ll be back to that routine in a few hours. Let yourself breathe. Listen to that album, watch that movie, catch up with that friend you’ve been rescheduling for the past month, read that book. Mindlessly scroll tumblr, binge watch netflix - Reset and recuperate so that you’re ready for the next hurdle.

Comparing yourself to others

Its natural to judge your performance against everyone else in the exam, how much they wrote, what answers they got, how they solved a problem. Don’t give too much weight to what people say they’ve done. You don’t know what they wrote, and just because five people wrote the same response doesn’t mean that your response is incorrect. . In the end you can only control your own performance. Putting it bluntly, after the exam, it doesn’t matter what your peers wrote. Because it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t go back and change your answer. What’s done is done.

Upon receiving your results

Break it down

What were your strengths and weaknesses? What types of questions did you do well in? Is it a substantive or procedural problem?  (e.g. is it because you don’t understand the content, or is it because you can’t manage your study time/ write that quickly/ poor time management during the exam). Use this as a matrix to target your study method and review for your next exam

Ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask your teacher or professor for advice. Even when you’ve done well - it doesn’t hurt to ask where those extra marks could have gone, or how you could further develop your response for future exams. Its always daunting to ask for advice when you’ve done poorly in an exam. But don’t forget, your teacher is paid to help you. Literally.

Special Consideration

If you feel as if your performance has been affected by a health issue, don’t be afraid to ask for a formal review of your marks or for special consideration (alteration of your marks) for your next exam. Check your high school/ university policies on this matter. Some will require formal documentation, and there may be a strict deadline you’ll need to adhere to. Asking for SC is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you are any less deserving of your results. Its simply a recognition that “hey, we need to level the playing field here.“ 

Some advice from people who are much more qualified than me:

A kinder, gentler philosophy of success

On being wrong

On getting up again

Getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck) 

Overcoming hopelessness 

The Power of Vulnerability

What next?  

On the necessity of failure 

Dealing with failure

Some advice from Oprah, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Julie Andrews  

Why you will fail to have a great career

Come here friend,  and let me whisper in your ear: I failed. 

Studying and Exams

Motivation by @areistotle

How to reduce exam stress by @studydesu

How to mentally prepare yourself for a test by @eruditicn

What to do the night before an exam by @beautifullearning

Focusing on a long term goal by @studybuzz

Preparing for a day of study by @gracelearns 

Annotating Texts by @delthenerd

Using onenote by @strive-for-da-best 

Study Apps by @katsdesk

Dealing with anxiety and mental illness

Resources for studying with a mental illness by @studybowie

How to study with a mental illness by @haleystudies

Dealing with Test Anxiety by @studybuzz

ADHD As A Difference In Cognition, Not A Disorder by Stephen Tonti 

Depression, the Secret We Share by Andrew Solomon

Living and Studying with anxiety by @hayley-studies

5 tips for an exam if you have test anxiety by @collegerefs

Overcoming Test Anxiety  by @staedtlers-and-stabilos

Study and mental health  by @getstudyblr

This answer by @studyrose 

Self Care, Sleep and General Health.

101 self care ideas when it gets all too much by @hbstudy

Balancing a healthy lifestyle with studying by @joolshallie

Tips for getting better rest by @overstudies

Sleep by @studygene

Calculate your bedtime 

How to succeed? Get more sleep by Arianna Huffington

Pzizz  

Relax Melodies (iPhone) (android) 

This list by @thecaseyfeed

A few things to help you feel better

See this list

A Song A Day 

Find something on the Nostalgia Machine  

Spotify playlists by @studyrelief

Motivational texts from @academla

Looking beyond: University Entry

Success is not a predetermined route.

Whilst it may feel like your future hinges on this one exam, remember your future isn’t some pre-determined linear equation. Your definition of success will change as you change. Your ambitions will change. Your gaols will change. And as long as you keep your mind open and you harbour a willingness to adapt, then there will always be a pathway for you to achieve your success. 

And for those who have no frickin’ clue what their 'passions, dreams, ambitions’ are? Its ok. You don’t need some 'overarching mission to save the world’ every morning. In the wise words of Tim Minchin:

“Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine, if you have something that you’ve always dreamed of, like, in your heart, go for it! After all, it’s something to do with your time… chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of your achievement, you’ll be almost dead so it won’t matter. I never really had one of these big dreams. And so I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you… you never know where you might end up. Just be aware that the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery. Which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye. Right? Good. Advice. Metaphor. Look at me go.”

A few pointers:

The following section is sponsored by my opinions

Effort might betray you.

You can work hard at something and still not get the result you want. It’s all about expectation management. You might work hard and fall within the top 1% of your cohort. You can work hard and still fail.  

This is not to say that you shouldn’t try at all.

It’s merely a recognition that things don’t always go your way, you cannot control everything. The best thing you can do in that circumstance is to prepare for any contingencies.

You can control how you respond to that failure.

Sometimes it’s a question of studying effectively. The adage 'study smart, not hard’ etc. Target your study to the syllabus, the material covered in the exam, the specific style of questions in the exam. Sometimes it may simply be exam technique. 

Other times its things beyond your control. Stress, nerves, blanking out - we’re only human.

In the end, what you learn from the process is just as important as the result. Conversely, the result may not always justify the means. 

On confidence and self worth

Its only natural to assume that your self worth is tied to your academic achievements. Up till now, you’ve spent the majority of your waking hours at school, under the pressure of constant assessments and scrutiny.

Keep in mind that one exam is only a reflection of your performance at one precise time, on one specific date, in one specific place. How you perform on 10am on Monday in exam hall A does not reflect your capacity nor ability for the other 364 days of your life. 

Find something which you can do for yourself. Something which you can fail in, without feeling terrible.This other thing doesn’t have to be another 'hobby’ you’re amazing at. It doesn’t have to be something you’re good at. “Being the best” is not a pre requisite to “enjoying something”. 

A final note:

Its ok to be stressed. Its difficult to distinguish our achievements from our self worth. Its not as simple as 'just getting over it’. Because its something you’ve invested time, emotion, sleep - and a whole heck of a lot more- on. Its something you’ve based your foreseeable future on. The pressure of a promised future, a 'better future’, a future 'that justifies all this suffering I’m dragging myself through’ is sometimes the greatest pressure we put ourselves under.

Its easy to underestimate the weight of our own expectations.

Whilst you cannot control every outcome, you can control your reaction to it. Choose to learn from your past mistakes, choose to forgive yourself, choose to accept your flaws. Try not to get lost in the maze of it all. Once again, in the words of good ol’ Tim Minchin,

You will soon be dead. Life will sometimes seem long and tough and, god, it’s tiring. And you will sometimes be happy and sometimes sad. And then you’ll be old. And then you’ll be dead.There is only one sensible thing to do with this empty existence, and that is: fill it. Not fillet. Fill. It.

And in my opinion (until I change it), life is best filled by learning as much as you can about as much as you can, taking pride in whatever you’re doing, having compassion, sharing ideas, running(!), being enthusiastic. And then there’s love, and travel, and wine, and sex, and art, and kids, and giving, and mountain climbing … but you know all that stuff already.

All the best,

fuckstudy

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“Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?”

1. she’s a genius - jet // 2. library pictures - arctic monkeys // 3. trouble - imagine dragons // 4. new romantics - taylor swift // 5. crazy=genius - panic! at the disco // 6. the kids aren’t alright - fall out boy // 7. oxford comma - vampire weekend // 8. mad hatter - melanie martinez // 9. riptide - vance joy // 10. poet - bastille

“I’ll show you the dark side”

⤑ kylo ren can’t stop desiring you.

1. outside - tender // 2. thinkin bout you - frank ocean // 3. saw you in my dreams - aaron taylor // 4. love is a bitch - two feet // 5. falling - opia // 6. body - sinead harnett // 7. yours - sg lewis // 8. all the time - jeremih // 9. make you feel - alina baraz, galimatias // 10. powers - lostboycrow // 11. often - the weeknd // 12. special affair - the internet // 13. don’t - bryson tiller // 14. dark times - the weeknd, ed sheeran* // 15. with me - dvsn // 16. wrong - zayn, kehlani* // 17. cruel intentions - jmsn

*not available on youtube.

“I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.” 

1. me and the devil - soap&skin // 2. game of survival - ruelle // 3. kill our way to heaven - michl // 4. sucker - two door cinema club // 5. devil in me - halsey // 6. money power glory - lana del rey // 7. snakes - bastille // 8. copycat - billie elish // 9. glory and gore - lorde // 10. i did something bad - taylor swift*

*not available on youtube.