i would've fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would've jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i'd be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

bells. i meant bells

don’t do this to me

went from “KITTY” to “That is a grown ass man.” real quick.

love when cats hear that you've woken up even just a little bit and they're like hiiiiiii oh my god oh my god!!!!! i wrote some poems in the night let me recite them for you. this one is called: screaming and knocking your water bottle off your nightstand

they dont even make characters for preteens to make linkin park amvs on youtube to anymore. thats whats wrong

i love complex characters. i also understand the societal need for an androgynous character who screams and hates god/their dad and takes it out on their rival until they ultimately fight their dad with their rival as an ally

Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

I fucking hate this website 

GLORIOUS AMERICAN BEVERAGE, RECARBONATED OVER TEN THOUSAND TIMES

That is just an atrocious sword, huh?

Or maybe we should think twice about what we put in our bodies

Rolled up the living room rug to clean my apartment/make dinner on roller skates because I suddenly remembered that I’m an adult with free will…..Life is beautiful

my betrothed just got home…..it’s always Why we’re you using kitchen knives on skates don’t do that again and never How was rollercooking did you have fun rollercooking

One time I was DMing a campaign where the players walked into that tavern every campaign has and one of the patrons was a Mindflayer wearing a very bad human disguise who insisted his name was Johnald Humanman. And they were just like "Oh, okay. Well, that's his business" and didn't interact with Johnald Humanman at all.

anyone else know a dog that will, every time without fail, walk over and blot their wet jowls on your leg after drinking water?

hi I’m the guy that made that post. Yours is funnier

its goTS A FUZZY HEAD!!!!!