One day this will mean something... Just feel...

From this day forward, I'm forgetting insecurities , forgetting about fear, feeling them positive vibes only and loving every moment of life. I will work hard to keep my home a place of holiness. I will do daily scriptures to help enrich my soul and feel joy. No more pain that is unnecessary. No more. I am worth it!!!!!!!!!!

I just realized with Trevor that his farm is very important. Often times I feel like he could leave at any time and it doesn't matter. But that's not true. This is is job. This is their livelihood of their family. I promise to recognize this in the future. The farm can be a priority. Just like I need Trevor to present his priorities, I need to present mine and we can figure it out.

I just want to say, I know the Book of Mormon is true! I know Joseph smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I know he translated the Book of Mormon and I know that through reading this book you can find any answer in the entire world. I can testify that my soul hungers for this book, and I know yours does too even if you don't recognize it right now. #read #ponder #pray you won't regret it. #imamormon #bookofmormon #lovethebibletoo

If I wake up with a smile.. It's gonna be a good day. Even if it's a fake smile always smile!

There is nothing worse than wanting to feel wanted and being unwanted.

No more feeling numb! No more feeling worthless! http://brightside.me/article/how-to-change-your-life-for-the-better-in-just-one-month-505/

I just don't feel anything today. Nothing. I'm numb.

Sometimes I feel pain as deep as the dark deep holes of the ocean bottom, and sometimes I feel absolutely nothing. 

Alexa and Moore talked this evening all about how when they were afraid of marriage- it was for a reason to get out. But I shared my same exact feelings afterwards and I'm still in. It's not that I think they should have stayed or that I am wrong on my decision, I do however think it's interesting of the change in responses from Heavenly Father. I am unworthy right now, so I may be missing something somewhere.

I am so happy I am here in Utah with my best friends. Like talking to Washburn tonight made me so very excited about marrying Trevor. I do have a tint of fear in my heart from that fight the other night- like if things will go back to normal. Or will Trevor have doubts or trust issues with me. But I've decided that I don't want the institute thing to be that big of a deal. Because me forcing him to go, won't help him learn what he needs. Also, i want to work on being more charitable before my wedding. It's okay to be me. But it's okay for others to be themselves as well. I love life -life meaning all its glory and praise and embarrassment and fear and joy and disgust and growth! I don't wanna fear those that I shouldn't be afraid of. I don't want to cower away and change attitude just because others do. I wanna just be me, happy ole me. 😊

Watching Anysa look at thjis it was so precious. It honestly pushed all my fears away about marriage. I can't wait to look at Trevor in the eyes like that on our wedding day.. ❤️

I am so scared of getting married. Why, I am not sure. I always have been since I got home. And now I actually am getting married. When will this feeling end.