on my way

Adri: that's alll im good for tbh

Adri: nothing at all, what about you??

Tobias: I beg to differ

“damn, i don’t know if i could ever get used to that. seems too clingy. i think i’ll stick with denim and leather.” naomi joked. then she shrugged, letting out a soft laugh, “no need to play it cool. it’s not like it’s really a big deal or anything. i just- it’s not so much ‘hanging out’ as it is sleeping together? i just never really know how i’m supposed phrase it. i don’t know.” she nodded, “yeah, i’m sure it’ll all blow over eventually. it’s probably over something pretty dumb- boys are dumb. no offense.” she gave him a lopsided smile 

“I’m pretty sure a lot of denim nowadays that people wear are clingier than a wet wet suit. Every year I just seem to see tighter and tighter skinny jeans on people. You might be asking for a wet suit eventually,”. Tobias bumped his shoulder against Naomi’s. “I think the proper phrase is friends with benefits? Unless you’re not even friends.. in which case it’s called a hook up. But hey, feel free to call it whatever you want,”. Giving the girl a look at her words, Tobias pushed his glasses up by the bridge. “Boys are not all dumb. I count myself as pretty smart, thank you very much,”. 

Adri: students will WORSHIP me you mean

Adri: that's what you'd think, wouldn't you?? but yes, saturday works :)

Tobias: I'm pretty sure your hundreds of students that you help out already worship you because you can help them with any and all homework

Tobias: Good I'll pick you up then

College wasn’t a constant stress in Elena’s life. Instead, she ignored the stresses that is brought build up and fester her until it finally hit in one big go. When that happened, she usually went down to the planetarium and spend some time there. That’s what she’d been doing most of the day. Afterwards, she was walking home and she passed the aquarium as usual — but this time, she decided to kill a bit more time there before heading back to her apartment. Which is how she found herself at the otter enclosure. It was pretty empty in the rest of the aquarium so she hadn’t exactly expected anyone else to be out there. So she furrowed her eyebrows at the man for a moment before shrugging. “I happen to be someone of an otter enthusiast. I mean, space is my shit —- but these little guys are a close second.

Tobias saw the expression on the girl’s face and returned the same furrow of his own brows. “Space?” he looked her up and down. “I’m half debating if I should be kicking you out. The aquarium and all the marine stuff here is easily a hundred times cooler than anything space related. ...But if you’re shafting these little guys into second place, maybe I ought to let you come in so you know they’re better than anything you could learn at the planetarium,”. Tobias gestured for the girl to enter, to which the presence of a new human being made the few otters swimming in the enclosure pop their heads up from the water to see what was going on. 

Carmen was proud of Tobias, of everything he had achieved even under the pressure of their lifestyle back home. “That’s definitely not a bad thing. Knowledge is power, y’know.” She poked his temple lightly with her fingertip for emphasis. “What have I been up to? Let’s see.” The woman looked back at the water, lips pressed together in thought. “Well,” She began. “When you knew me I spoke Spanish, French, and obviously English.” She said. “I added Russian to that list. I also finished my neurology pre-reqs, and I’m finally in my first year of studying neurobiology.” She turned to look at him, then. “Other than that, nothing special.”

Tobias gave a roll of his eyes as he listened to Carmen rattle off the languages she spoke. It always impressed him, just how she managed to be so academic and intelligent and keeping all of it up despite their circumstances. She really was the diamond in the rough. “Oh, is that all?” he jested, leaning back with his palms pressed to the ground to hold himself up. “Nothing special at all, just an extra language in the bag and on your way to that neurobiology degree. I really would’ve thought you’d be overachieving with a lot more by now,”. Tobias reached to give Carmen a little playful push on her knee, knowing full well she might fall over in the crouch position she was in.

“Stand up to people with words. It’s far more impressive.” With her arms crossed securely over her chest, Sarah watched Tobias struggle to reach his cut. Half of her found sick pleasure in watching him face the punishment for his actions, but it did truly look painful. And her very white blanket was nearby. “I’m not a nurse,” she repeated, but scooted toward him anyway, snatching the red-tinged paper towels from his grasp. The wound was red and irritated but not bleeding all that much. It wasn’t quite as deep as she’d initially thought now that most of the blood was cleared away. With a gentle touch she dabbed the gash softly but firmly. She really should have been using an antibacterial cream. A bit of Neosporin would have been good to spread over the cut before it was bandaged up, but she didn’t want to fuss and knew he’d whine about it anyway. She supposed wiping it down would have to work for now. “If you keep it up with this bullshit attitude I’m leaving you down here to suffer alone. I get that you’re hurt, but I’m under no obligation to help you out, Tobias. Remember that.”

“Believe you me, I can do that any day too. I was just catering to my less literate friends,”. Tobias quirked a brow and smirked slyly to himself at just how she argued she wasn’t a nurse but moved closer any way. As much as he enjoyed teasing her, there had to be some sort of merit of kindness to attribute to the gesture. “Ow,” he gave, feeling the slight soreness of her finger pressing his flesh. It didn’t hurt too much, but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Sitting still so that Sarah could tend to the wound, Tobias turned his head to look at her, knowing full well she wasn’t looking at him. “I’m just joking,” he offered a smile in hope she’d lighten up. “But I know. ....Thanks .. I guess,”. His speech was soft and Tobias almost felt odd for saying it. He was never one for these niceties and the words felt foreign in his mouth, so much so he had to add a jest so that it’d feel less awkward. “..For caring about your furniture enough that you’d by proxy take care of this,”. 

The fact that he turned to wipe down the couch before his own practically gaping wound was endearing. It would’ve brought a smile to her face had the whole situation not been unbearably irritating. “You shouldn’t have gotten in a fight.” Her dark eyes met his, narrow beneath her angrily lowered brows. “There’s no excuse for it. Zero. None. And you’re the second guy I’ve had to patch up this week. I’m not a nurse, you know.” 

“Hey. I’ll have you know I was standing up for someone and I kicked ass against three biker guys. I don’t just do it as a hobby, you know,” he chuckled at how it all irritated Sarah, finding it often amusing when he said or did anything that got on her nerves. “Second?” Tobias hummed in thought for a second. “Let me guess, that Nate and Logan fight everyone’s talking about? Well, I’m sorry if it’s a real bother for you, I honestly didn’t plan on the snow storm making me stay here and then fighting so that I’d bleed on your cou --”. The end of his joke couldn’t be finished when Tobias twisted his body some more to cover his wound, only to feel it tug and cause a ripple of pain along his side. “..Fuck,” he swore aloud under muttered breath before looking up at the girl. “...Can you skip the Judge Judy lookin’ glare right now and take a look cause I ..can’t really reach,”. 

Carmen wasn’t all too sure what did them in, but she wasn’t going to take any of this newfound peace for granted. She allowed her old friend to take her hand, leading her to wherever he had pleased. Hearing him speak, hearing the smile in his voice, was all very nice. However, Carmen didn’t want to reminisce on what they were. They had grown, and there was a much newer friendship that could blossom from who they were today as opposed to who they were when they were so afraid of the world. While Tobias sat down once more, Carmen simply crouched down next to him, looking in the water at the creatures that resided in it. “You’ve always been smart, Tobias. I guess it just takes kind of launching pad to get your mind to agree with the truth.” The woman reached down, fingertips brushing against the water., creating little ripples behind her fingers.

Tobias kept his eyes now on the otters that swam so freely in the water, his legs wading back and forth as he felt the coolness of it on his skin. He admired them. Their world was so much simpler and happier, without the complications that humans faced each day. But when he looked over to Carmen beside him, he supposed if they made it this far in life it really wasn’t all half bad. “..I guess so. Just never really had time to do much studying back then. Now I’m a regular nerd at the library most of the time if I’m not here. ..What about you? What has Carmen Ashley been up to for the last six years?”. 

“secret’s safe with me.” she chuckled, leaning back on her palms. she quirked an eyebrow, “a wet suit? are those uncomfortable? because they really look uncomfortable.” she moved her feet back and forth in the water slowly, “everybody’s been talking about it. i was over at logan’s apartment, uh… hanging out with avia, so i saw the eye. it does look pretty nasty.” she shrugged, “i’m sure it’ll all be fine. i don’t know much about the whole situation, honestly.” 

“Extremely,” Tobias laughed. “But you kind of get used to it and they’re better when you have to work around the water. It took me at least a year to finally be okay with wearing it,”. He copied the same motion, leaning back on his palms and looking over at the girl beside him with a grin. “Am I allowed to ask about the long pause before you mentioned Avia or am I supposed to just play it cool?” he teased. “Me either, and I didn’t bother asking. If it ever becomes a bigger situation and Logan needs help I suppose I’ll do something but other than that -- not my problem,”. 

To say that the air becoming clear was the biggest relief Carmen had experienced in a long while was definitely an understatement. No, she didn’t expect things to go right back to normal, nor did she want them to. She believed that there was much for them to learn about each other due to the time apart, and of course people did change somewhat with time, didn’t they? “I’m glad we could come to common ground, then. We have a lot to catch up on, I think.” Carmen did allow herself to smile, and it only widened when he mentioned that he won the fight. “Only ‘cause I set it up for you, asshole. Don’t take my credit.”

“Oh come on,” Tobias laughed lightly now. “Two guys came for me first and if anything, I definitely half finished the job when you stepped in and kneed him. I mean yea, it was a good shot but me,”. He gestured to himself, a sort of smug look to his face for added effect. “You might not have been able to witness it but the years you were gone, I perfected the ol’ one-two,”. There was a newfound sort of bliss in finding Carmen again, and more so that they were starting to pick up exactly where they left off. Looking at her, studying her features and reminiscing the younger version of her brought an even wider smile to Tobias’s face. He wanted to share everything with her, every detail of his life that she had missed and hear hers just the same. “C’mere,” he gave, taking her hand this time and tugging Carmen over to the pool. He leaned down to roll up his pant legs once more and sat down at the edge again, motioning for the girl to do the same. “This -- .. is what I do now. It’s not much but.. it’s a decent paycheque and what I’ve been studying for the last three years at Princeton. Not just these guys but all the other animals and habitats too. Mom always said she always saw me as the brainiac type and I didn’t believe her but she said I just needed to find what I had a passion for. ..And this is it,”. 

naomi walked closer as he waved her over, thankful that he was ok with her intruding, “yeah, not many people can say they crashed an otter hang out. couldn’t let you have all the fun.” she leaned down and rolled up her pant legs, taking a seat beside him, the grin on her face growing as she watched the cute little creatures in the water, “i’ll try my best. i think i got some sweatpants in my car, so i may not be totally fucked.” she glanced over at him, “how was your time in the kappa house? eventful? did ya see the now infamous fight?” 

“Just don’t tell anyone cause I can get in trouble,” Tobias laughed, though he had pulled this stunt many times before and stayed after hours more often than he cared to admit. “That -- is what I should have done. I only carry wet suits with me and the one I used to day .. well it’s still wet so I had no choice than to wear my day clothes,”. Looking out at the otters swimming about, all Tobias could offer was a shrug at her question. “It was alright. If you count hiding in the least occupied room for hours at a time eventful. And no, I didn’t see it, but I definitely heard about it and saw the after math. The black eye looked nasty but uh, I can’t be sure if that Nate guy is really that strong or if Logan just bruises like a peach,”. 

Carmen wasn’t angry enough to want to shove Tobias away, so when he took a hold of her wrist, she stayed in place. Carmen watched his face contort into an almost pained look as he spoke, admitted that he missed her. There was a moment of silence that passed, the girl just gazing at her companion. She felt terrible for the way things had turned out, but that was just how things seemed to work sometimes. Life wasn’t fair, and it definitely had no mercy. “”You’re never going to be my enemy, Tobias.” She spoke this time, her voice soft. “I love you like I always had. You’ve always been my best friend, and I don’t want that to be a part of the past. What I do want to be a part of the past is- is this spitefulness and this fighting. It’s exhausting, and I like us much better when we aren’t at each others throats.”

Tobias slowly let go of her wrist when he realized that this time around she wasn’t going to walk away from him. If he had to be honest with himself that was easily one of his newfound biggest fears. Finally cracking the slightest of grins, Tobias gave a single firm nod to her words. “It won’t. I’ll always be on your side no matter what, alright?”. To know that she still loved him brought a uncertain mixed feeling in Tobias’s mind. He had never uttered such words to anyone before, not even his own sister. He thought better than to tackle the thought right now. Running his hand through his curls, Tobias sighed at the sense of relief that came from having settled this with Carmen. “No more fighting, unless it’s against the guys from the bar looking for revenge. In which case I could always have some energy for that. And for the record -- I won two to one. That last guy was my knock out,”. 

“That’s just it, Tobias.” Carmen stood up, then, feeling the need to pace. It was what she did when she felt frustrated and in need of a cool down. “That’s just how life is - it’s not fair.” Carmen wasn’t going to sugarcoat it for him, soften it, make it any better. “I hate knowing that you were all alone, but if I had stayed, I would have lost my life and you really would have never seen me again.” That was the truth of it all, and sometimes she wondered if he remembered it. “When I ran into you for the first time, I had every intention of making you a part of my present and my future, but then-” She shook her head. “Yes, you used to make me feel amazing. Now, every time I’m around you I feel like the scum of the Earth. I don’t want to be around anyone who makes me feel such a way.” In reality, who would be? No one, unless they were absolute pushovers and allowed people to walk all over them. “I want my best friend back as kind as he used to be, because even with diamonds hanging from my neck I wouldn’t treat you any different.”

Tobias watched as she stood up, pacing back and forth in front of him. Even the animals seemed to know something was going on as the otters popped their heads out of the water now and then to look in their direction. “I’m not faulting you for leaving. I know it was dangerous for you, more so than it was for me and I’m glad you got out before anything bad happened. I’m just ...,”. God, why was this so hard. Why was talking about emotions and feelings so damn hard? It was like Tobias was trying to save face over something that shouldn’t need saving face on, especially not to someone who knew him inside and out. The next time Carmen passed in front of him as she paced, he grabbed hold of her wrist to stop her. He stood from his seat and turned the girl to face him. “..I missed you. Every fucking day. And I am sorry. I am. For everything that I’ve done to make you feel like scum. Pushing you away, being angry and mad just seemed so much easier than trying to tell you how badly I ne ..-- missed you,”. He looked at her, the scant light seemingly hitting them just right that he could see Carmen more clearly. She had grown up, that was for sure; and easily become one of the most breathtakingly beautiful women on campus. But something that never changed and he was wrong for accusing her of, was that she was still that head and heart strong scrapper he met in their old neighbourhood. “I’m still that guy. I promise you. I’m still that guy, Carmen,”. 

As promised, Carmen had listened. She was a woman of her word, after all. The last time Tobias had saw her, she was flat chested and looked like one of those nerdy girls the boys were dared to ask out. Now as she stood in front of him, she was a well built woman, beautiful beyond compare, but that didn’t mean that anything had changed, which was what she wanted him to realize. Carmen didn’t believe that being overwhelmed counted as an excuse for near verbal abuse, but she didn’t interrupt him. Tobias had his reasonings, of course, and Carmen wouldn’t flat out deny him of that. “I do accept your apology,” Carmen began with a nod. “However, there are some things that I want you to understand that I don’t believe you do due to the things you’ve said to me.” Carmen straddled the bench the same way as he did, her jeans stretching well enough to allow her to do so, now facing him, eyes dead locked on his. “Tobias, I’m never going to be one of those people who are out to get you. I know, okay, I know that I’m now one of the 1% with their noses up in the air, but just because I live with that group is never going to mean that I feel higher above anyone. Especially you.” Every single word was genuine, and she in no way was attempting to be mean to him. “I’m not seeing Nate because he’s got a fancy car and he can take me to fancy places, Tobias. He makes me feel wonderful, alive in many ways, genuinely appreciated. Just like you did, and you didn’t have any money, did you? Yet you made me the happiest in the worst of situations.” Carmen sat up straight, looking away momentarily. “I think you’re too cynical for your own good, and I think you want to judge me to be right, but you’re just not right. Maybe that’s what hurts, that you think the old Carmen wouldn’t have done such a thing, but I’m the same Carmen and I always will be.” Her eyes moved back to look at him. “I never meant to hurt you, but I had my reasonings, too. Sometimes people just have to be selfish just for one second. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop thinking of you as my best friend, and the near entirety of my history.”

Tobias gripped his own thighs, trying his very best to keep quiet as he listened to Carmen. It took sheer will to not say anything or butt in with his own comments; he knew he owed her that much respect when she was gracious enough to accept his apology. Some way, some how, her words still managed to cut into his heart and cause a pang of hurt to strike across his chest in a way that made him wince a little. His best effort to hide that hurt came across as a dry chuckle here and there. When she finished, all Tobias could do was shake his head at her. “..You still don’t get it, do you?” he asked, biting his lower lip as he contemplated his next words. Sometimes people just have to be selfish just for one second. If that was her explanation, then he would heed that advice and do it now. “I never thought you were out to get me. I know you’d never be that person but ... do you know how hard it was? Do you know how hard it was to wake up one day and realize you were gone? And I couldn’t find you and you never came to find me and all of a sudden .. all the things that we had to deal with, the shit and the fights and the abuse .. it became me, and me alone?”. There was a hurt in his voice that Tobias didn’t expect, and he swallowed hard to try to rid himself of it. “All of that stuff.. it was always bad. Always. But at least when we dealt with it together it didn’t seem so impossible. But then you up and left and for three fucking years I had to do it myself. I couldn’t wait to get out of that fucking neighbourhood when I turned eighteen. You think I’d actually be upset because you found a better life for yourself? I’m happy for you, Carmen, I really am. But it was never fair for me and I never got a chance to get over that. Not unfair because I didn’t find wealth, that I don’t have money like someone like Nate does,”. Tobias inched a little closer in his seat. “...It’s unfair because I lost you. It’s unfair because someone else gets to be that person in your life now to make you happy. It’s unfair because you talk about me like I’m someone in your past, someone who used to make you feel wonderful and alive and appreciated,”. He let his gaze fall once more, this time to the space between them as he solemnly gave his next words. “You have no idea how hard I’ve been fighting all these years and how much I’ve lost. You tell me you won’t stop thinking of me as your best friend but how am I your best friend? You just said it yourself. I’m the entirety of your history. Your past. Not present,”.