* 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒌 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐎𝐍 .

Lils kind of likes the vowboy hat so that is definitely happening. I was thinking something real basic and easy to say like Paint? Painter? I mean I think a horse would appreciate that

Oh, well if the girlfriend approves, then all the more reason to wear the hell outta the cowboy hat at any and all opportunities. Painter is cute. I'm sure the horse will also appreciate you giving it an honest, simple name. When I was a kid, I had a pet hamster that I named Swim, and looking back, I felt like the biggest asshole.

Matt looked over at her, his eyes wide. “Stop it, I can’t with you. This friendship will not survive knowing that. Its been nice knowing you. I accept my defeat resentfully.” He smirked, throwing his hands up in mock defeat. “I think we could make your circus dreams come true in other ways though. Like did you know that there are apparently trapeze classes you can take? Or lessons on how to be a ringleader? I’m sure we could get you enrolled at clown college.” Matt teased, his nose wrinkling. “I wouldn’t be opposed to that actually. My ex also had the ability to kill plants so we never kept any for that reason. It always made her sad when she wouldn’t water it for weeks and then wonder why it died. Is it bad to want a partner who sucks at something so you can feel superior in the relationship? Like going into it with Esther, I didn’t think she had any weaknesses until she tried to cook, that was a disaster. Thank god she was pretty and that I watched mom growing up. I’m not an expert like I mentioned but she was a catastrophe.” Hearing her explan her own experience with coming out, or not coming out, made him feel better slightly. He just always assumed that when you were gay, or bi, or however you defined yourself, that you had to explain it to people, that perhaps by telling them, you wouldn’t be exposed to the hatred and homophobia that ran rampart across the country. He was scared for people to know, scared to admit that he was now part of a group that will be fighting for rights until he died, knowing that he will never be 100% accepted by everyone. Still, hearing her tell him he didn’t have to come out immediately helped quell an obstacle he had been fumbling with for years. He groaned loudly when she messed up his hair, hands immediately going up to straighten it back down. “Of course. As soon as this friendship blossomed, I knew you were the first person I would tell.” He threw on his hat, hoping it would hide him until he had gotten inside the bar, and stood waiting on Tobin. “Let’s do this! First round is on you! Woohoo!”

Her scoff came out more as a laugh at the insinuation. "Bring it," she reciprocated in earnest. "If I'm going to clown college, you're coming with, and we're gonna duo act the shit outta that. Christen would die if we joined the circus." Tobin gnawed on her lower lip in contemplation. "Nah, I think we all want to feel a little useful. For example: I am useless at watering plants, but I know how to work a grill, so it balances itself out. What I am hearing in all of this, though, is that you're good enough to cook dinner one night when we all hang out at your new place." She giggled at him scrambling to fix his hair, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "For what it's worth, if I wasn't the walking lesbian pride flag, you'd be the first one I'd tell too." Tobin flashed one of her trademark grins, eyes crinkling up at the gesture. "C'mon, you," she said as she bounded out of the car, hooking her arm around his and pulling him through the parking lot. Inside, things were already at a low buzz, people milling about throughout the bar. Tobin scanned through the room, trying to locate somewhere for them to set up shop for the next little bit. "You go find us a seat, I'm on drinks." She tipped a two-fingered salute at him before they went their separate ways, Tobin beelining for the bar. Her eyes were already skimming across the draught menu, flagging down a bartender to grab their first round. It didn't take long before she was skimming across the bar to find where Matt had settled, a glass in each hand and a bright smile on her face as she approached. "Goods acquired," she announced, setting one of them down in front of him. "Cheers, my guy."

Right?!? Feels like they're ripping out a piece of my soul with every strip. I think about this shit all the time! How'd they keep their teeth clean? How'd they have a balanced diet? How'd they cut their hair? Join me in my wormhole.

They're brutal. Waxing is less pain than that shit, and I get it... it's not supposed to be pain free, but if AI can exist, why hasn't technology advanced far enough to keep us from being in misery? Okay, the balanced diet one I feel like is remotely explainable considering the fact they didn't have cavemen's McDonald's, but everything else is one big question mark. What the fuck did they do in their free time?

People keep asking me how it feels to turn thirty? I don't really know. Part of me feels the same, not a big deal. The other part thinks that it's all downhill from here. Feels like it was only yesterday that I got put into this band that changed my life. And now thirteen years have passed and I got this great solo career. Crazy to think about it. But besides that, today will be a good day. Might've gotten myself a little treat to start celebrating already.

I don't know what's weirder to wrap my mind around, the fact that you're just now turning thirty or that it's been thirteen years of having you around. Seems like it was just yesterday, and that you've just always been a staple? How is thirty treating you, though? Hopefully it's better than your twenties. That's usually the consensus, but I'm curious to see if it's the same for you. Anyways, happy belated birthday, and welcome to the dirty thirties! Hope that Guinness did right by 'ya — one of the best ways to celebrate anything.

Can't believe you forgot playing Fred fucking Jones. Only one of the most iconic roles ever — something tells me that silly little dog is gonna plague your nightmares for forgetting about him. Been in those shoes, though. I forget all the time that there's a video of me singing and doing full choreo to Like a Prayer on YouTube that's unfortunately still public because both of us forgot the password to the account. It's plagued me for years, and just when it's left my memory... someone manages to bring it back to the forefront and haunt me of my horrible college decisions. How ugly is the ugly crying, though? Like, on a scale from leave Britney alone to Kim K. Nice to meet 'ya, Robbie, I'm Tobin.

That is the most chaotic thing I've ever heard, and while you've got my sympathy, this is fucking hysterical. How do they even do that, selling your face illegally without your knowledge? Although I hate to say it, I'm now morbidly curious — are you gonna lean into it come Halloween and go as one of your counterparts? Imagine being out and about and getting recognized not for the acting work, but for your Halloween costume modeling career. What's the worst one they've Photoshopped you onto?

Couldn't have found myself a better one. That's for damn fucking sure. Definitely in a happy and good way! I've been nothing but since he asked. Well, worried too, but not about the being engaged part. More about the grumbly football player at home, ha. Thanks for the help, really. I know it meant a lot to him that you were there. And yeah...I totally see you giving off Private vibes. Which also means I'll never fly on the same plane. I'm kidding.

Listen, any time you need to tag in a fellow grumbly football player, I got you. Or, if you need someone to commiserate with, Chris is an excellent resource. I'm always happy to be there for him, good and bad. Same goes for you, too. Any time you need me, you got me. It's that whole in-law thing we've now got going for us. Hey, if I'm a fellow passenger, it can't be that bad. Besides, the day they turn to me to take over the flight is the day that shit has officially gone to hell in a hand basket, and we've got much bigger problems. You settling into all of that engaged person bliss?

That's such a valid point. Viacom is a big believer in brand synergy, so it would make sense. I just also think that kids aren't paying attention to anything that they put out anymore. Maybe a few shows here and there, but its mostly just stuff online now. Think of how many categories have changed or been added over the years. Two movies, actually, but who's bragging? We've talked about it a lot over the years, but we wanna be like...sibling aliens.

There's that too. It feels like overnight, everything shifted away from live television to just online content or whatever the streaming services put out. I honestly couldn't tell you what shows were still shown on syndicated networks aside from like, Dr. Phil. You should, it's one hell of a bragging right. That basically makes you guys like family or some shit. Oh my god, that'd be incredible. Sibling aliens in the whole sci-fi action genre, or a total shift and being alien siblings in like, a comedy? I feel like you two would fit perfectly in either or.

I've been crying for days, I can't believe she said yes, despite the fact I had so many people reassuring me. I got the girl, mhm. Perfect! There's nothing that I love more than a good party!

Is this where I get to throw out the I told you so? Because I fuckin' told you so. You got a good one, my guy — hope she's been taking good care of you now that we're back home. I'm already planning another KC trip just so we can have an entire weekend of living it up and celebrating you two proper.

The nerve of our bodies! Blackheads are such a pain in the ass. Did our ancestors have to cover themselves in lotion every day to stop dirt getting everywhere?! Luckily I'm not having to adult a whole lot. Not yet, at least.

They're the fucking worst. And those blackhead strips that you use on your nose were designed to cause a specific, horrid pain. I feel like if we did our time as teenagers, we should be exempt. Honestly, I'd love to know their secrets. Like... did they have flawless skin or did they just vibe? What did the cavemen do before we knew about things like lotion? This is a wormhole you've opened.

Shit you just threw something at me but ok. What if you all are the crap tastes then? Oh god millennials scare me so no but I do bond with the grandmas over candles.

If that's the case, then I'm gonna have to like, start reevaluating everything I've ever thought, and that sounds like so much work. Millennials are terrifying, but unfortunately, I am one of said millennials, so... fear me? Bonding with grandmas over anything is the best time. Especially when it comes to the candles. Are you more of a food or floral scent guy?

Group Text >< Tricycle

Christen: Movies are good if you don’t want anyone to bother him, dark theater and no one would be looking at him. Plus, if you sit in the back, it wouldn’t even matter what movie you go to.

I think the beginning of a beautiful and delirious friendship between us, Tobin. I'm not sure who all could really compare with this. See, that's me but with Q. Like why is it there. It's the most useless letter, all the words it's in could be spelled using other letters instead. What colors should we make them? I'm thinking rainbow, full aesthetic.

Mads, I couldn't agree more. Okay, yes, Q is utterly pointless. Like, it needs a whole other letter next to it to make a sound. Talk about codependent. We could do away with Q the same way we could do away with the state of Wyoming. Who the fuck lives in Wyoming? Kinda thinking it's an entire conspiracy just to round out the number of states to something even. Hell yeah. Full on rainbow, enough to stop traffic. Everyone needs to know who to envy.