You've Been Toasted... Frakking Toaster Lover

I should preface this by saying that this is not meant to be representative of me, how I grade, or how I think of student writing . . . but some of it is how I think about parts of grading, and certainly part of the greater myth of grading. Enjoy.

To the tune of “It’s Time”

So this is what you meant When you stated your intent And now you need a thesis to make sure that you say it Or anything Whatever Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don’t ever want to mark you down I don’t ever want to ask “where is your noun?” ‘Cause after all You know I never sleep at night

It’s time to begin, to grade it I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit I always grade on my gut But you should understand I’m pretty sure I give a damn

Not going very well And I am left to quell Generalisms that run through miles of clouded hell Right to the top Of this stack Turning to booze and giving legibility a rain check

I don’t ever want to mark you down I don’t ever want to ask “where is your noun?” ‘Cause after all You know I never sleep at night

It’s time to begin, to grade it I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit I always grade on my gut But you should understand I’m pretty sure I give a damn

It’s time to begin, to grade it I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit I always grade on my gut But you should understand I’m pretty sure I give a damn

I’m a grown-up in name only My coffee runs out so slowly It splashes, it splashes

It’s time to begin, to grade it I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit I always grade on my gut But you should understand I’m pretty sure I give a damn

I can only imagine my expression on hearing I "did great" this semester.