"Sorry Darling, My Eyes Are Up Here."

“You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me when I’m dating an asshole.”

“Bro-date, just you me and some nachos.”

“As your friend I’m allowed to tell you when you’re being an ass and you’re being an ass.”

“Remember that time we pretended we were dating because that creep wouldn’t leave you alone? Good times.”

“You’re not alone, you’ve got me.”

“Only you would find my offensive jokes funny.”

“I’ll be your wingman!”

“I know what you need, icecream and a bad movie!”

“No wonder people think we’re a couple, we eat pizza naked together.”

“Please don’t tell anyone, I trust you.”

“Don’t push me away, you’re my best friend.”

 “You’ve told me that story twenty times already.”

“You’re such a bitch/jerk, it’s a good job you buy me food.”

“Someone was talking smack about you, long story short I spent a night in a cell.”

“I’m only saying this because we’re friends, you can do so much better.”

“They think we’re together, I think we should play along.”

“No homo, but I love you like I love pizza.”

“I know we’re not kids, but I really think we should have a sleepover.”

“Are you eating my food?”

“Ugh, I can’t stay mad at you.”

                                           then carve me an epitaph 

“Is there a hole in your heart?”

“Or am I mistaken?”

“I can see your capillary veins”

“You be the patient, I’ll be the surgeon”

“Just like 1st Grade on the playground all day”

“soon enough”

“You’ll hear the blacktop calling for you”

“After that there is not much else you can do”

“I am a pirate”

“You are a princess”

“We could sail the seven seas”

“Bring back some presents for all the people”

“Everyone would love us”

“Even (name) would love us”

 “Have you forgotten your place?”

“I’m being sarcastic”

“That step could kill the bus of kids”

“Now we have a good thing”

“She is a bad thing”

“Why do you want to break us?”