☀️Tithe & Absolution☀️

My trusted advisor Smingle Fouldream: They speaketh only lies, my fairest lady. Do not be deceived by their fiendish tricks. A months more labor! With no overtime, I say!

Q: What is your opinion on The Living Guildpact?

A: Well, first of all, let the record show that I do not speak for entire The Orzhov Syndicate. This is purely my own opinion and I encourage readers to come to their own opinions aswell. The Izzet League is one of the greatest assets to the whole of Ravnica, and we’re very happy to collaborate with them on frequent projects. As for their parun, I’ve never met him in person. But anyone who founds such a beloved guild must be doing something right.

Q: Has the church pivoted away from faith in favor of sole focus on wealth?

A: Bit of a leading question I think. But no, The Orzhov Syndicate is a church first and foremost, our spirituality evident in all aspects of our lifestyles, pardon the pun. Economics is our guildpact duty, but we believe the best way to guide Ravnica isn’t just through wealth, but strong spiritual values. Of which we are exemplars.

Q: Your guild faces substantial criticism for how you elect to distribute wealth among the populous, namely Gruul and Boros petitioners who claim your guild only has the interest of the already rich and powerful in mind, and who suggest an entire overhaul of Ravnicas economic system.

Might continue, might not. Not proofread, we die like the obzedat

The fires of The Gruul raider’s fervor had not yet been stamped out, but the red mana coursing through his body did little to stop the blinding pain of necromantic magics tugging him to the church floor. He leaned hard on his axe, trying to find the energy to stand and fight once again. But no matter how much he willed against it, the aches of his bones and muscles told him he was beaten. The Orzhov priestess’s haughty laugh assaulted his ears like salt being rubbed into an open wound.

“Ohohohoh~!” The fancifully dressed woman cooed, her voice echoing in the high ceiling as she covered her mouth with a gloved hand. “Are you REALLY still trying to fight, my sweet? How positively barbaric!”

In a moment of blinding rage he tried leaping towards her, but a boney claw from the underworld shot out from the carpet and dragged him back to the earth, cracking his jaw.

He could see her lower herself from floating in the air to the floor, heels clicking tauntingly onto the tile. She sauntered towards the defeated warrior, and painfully grinded her fancy shoe onto one of his hands.

“Tsk-tsk-tsk…your people, always so obsessed with destruction and ideals that you can’t tell when you’re hopelessly outmatched. You look better like this, yes? On the floor. Where dirt belongs.” She gave his hand another hard stomp. He gritted his teeth to not make a sound.

Wisps of black and white mana collected along the length of her arm, creeping up to her hand. They wove themselves into a piece of parchment, worn by age and heavy with writing. She skimmed over it with her piercing amber eyes, cracking a snicker as she reads through technicalities. “I was wondering what would drive a *poor lost animal* to defy The Guildpact. This is it, my sweet, no? A simple deed. The rights to some nowhere plot of land. It’s the only artifact in my halls one such as you would be interested in.”

“You-” He coughs “-stole it…”

“Ah-ah-ah my sweet. No talking out of turn.” She stamps her casting staff onto his back, twisting it into an exposed wound. “Besides darling, unlike some, I’m an honorable citizen of Ravnica. All artifacts within these walls are rightful Orzhovan property.”

Ok peasant

“Owning peoples souls is evil”

L+No Debtors+In Debt

“Having a butler means you aren’t developing life skills”

On a 1100 thread count bedsheet with unicorn hair lining and a silk pillow filled with endangered griffon feathers? Better than you, I assume.

HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO INVEST IN EXPERT GUIDE GOBLIN SERVICES? YOU CAN REACH OUR RAVNICA BRANCH AT THE MIDDLE TREE ON TIN STREET.

If you go the sexy vampire route, youre cursed to be pretty much like, always hungry. Just a constant insatiable appetite.

Ghosts might have it worse though, since most of the time you just cant touch shit. Cant hug, cant fuck, the only bonus is that you can swim in your money atleast. This is why Envoy is a job btw. You gotta pay someone to do all that shit for you. Not to mention that for alot of ghosts, you end up being stuck haunting a place or item. The only thing they have over vampires is that (most of the time) sunlight wont melt you.

But yeah, being immortal aint allat. I am not looking forward to having to choose.

*recurs you*

*sacs you for a death trigger*

*recurs you*

*sacs you for a death trigger*