rebirth.

“I honestly have no idea what that’s like. I’m not sure I have a creative bone in the body unless it involves food.” He picked at the roll, plopping a piece in his mouth. “I’m sorry. This is probably coming off rude for you. I just – didn’t want to cancel on you because I didn’t have an appetite.” Not that he was afraid of his checking balance. Not the fact that he hadn’t touched a scrap of food in two days. He couldn’t feel like eating, at least, not after the incident with a woman he wasn’t even sure he cared for.

Titan shrugged. There wasn’t much this pair had in common and every time they spoke, Titan only realized that more. Arkin grew in a completely different environment, their personalities reflected that and as much as he wanted to be the other’s friend, there seemed to be an air of awkwardness and pleasantries that always settled around them. “Not rude, man.” He shrugged, taking a sip of his water and sitting back. “You can cancel on me whenever. ‘M not gonna start crying or nothing.”

The miscarriage was… difficult. That was putting it lightly. She had told Titan she was having an abortion, scheduled the appointment, marked it in her calendar, but even then she had doubts. Tasha felt if she made the decision set in stone, the doubts would eventually ebb away, but they didn’t. Two days before her appointment the pains started. It violently shook her from her sleep, bathed in darkness she could feel something between her legs; and when the lights were switched on, everything was bathed in red.

In the panic she froze, only making it halfway to the bathroom before the pain rendered her immobile. She lay on the floor in silence, the dark liquid spreading around her and filling the air with a metallic smell. She was alone, frightened, and somewhat relieved that the final decision wasn’t up to her. Eventually the pain was dulled, Tasha found the strength to put on sweatpants, climb into her car and drive herself to the hospital. The doctors worked in earnest and discretely, sending her back home the next night. She couldn’t face Titan, so she wrote a letter instead, informing him that the baby was gone, not detailing the truth within the lines. Then she disappeared, out of the media spotlight for two months. She didn’t leave her house for the entire time, instead choosing to let the discontent eat her alive.

Martin was a different type of difficult. He infected her life like a parasite, becoming more and more controlling as time passed, the words whispered in her ear tonight were vile and threatening; a testament to just how much Tasha’s nativity caused others to take advantage. She was happy that Titan didn’t comment on the interaction, instead choosing to continue the conversation as if nothing had happen. “Yeah it’s going to start in Europe and then shift to South America I think. The details are still fuzzy so I really have no idea when I can announce it, hopefully soon though.” A glimmer of something happy broke through momentarily, though in the next second she was blinking against the sudden bright flash of a camera man.

“Let’s get a picture of the Ex’s, shall we?”

Most of Titan hated the idea that Tasha had taken away his chance at fatherhood without, what seemed like, a second though. But there a small part of him that, at the very least, respected what she had done. Four years was a long time for a child’s father to be absent, locked away behind bars. Did he really want the first formative years of his child’s life to be spent sitting in front of his father, only to be watched by a correctional officer in the corner? Every conversation they had be monitored? Every visit planned weeks in advanced? It wasn’t fair to the child or to Tasha.

Titan knew first hand what an absent father can do to a child, but it would have been very different situations. He was ready to make sure that every thing was in place for his mini-me, even if Tasha hadn’t. The worst part of the whole situation was Titan’s absence. Either he’s an absent father or an absent boyfriend. He hadn’t been there for her procedure, he hadn’t be able to reassure Tasha that everything was going to be fine, even if he didn’t believe it himself. It was a lose-lose situation.

He frowned when a flash came from his side, turning immediately to the source of the disturbance. How could Titan not expect someone to approach them? Instead of trying to fight it, as every atom in his body screamed for him to, Titan simply turned. “Only one.” His words were short and clear; he didn’t want it getting out that the pair was ‘reconnecting’ or whatever else that damned Informant could come up with. 

His arm snaked around her body and hovered the small of her back, but only his finger tips pressed into her dress. His lips pressed into a straight line and his body had become visibly stiff. Should he be this uncomfortable around someone who, only a few years ago, he hated being away from? When the photographer took their picture and finally stalked away, Titan relaxed, leaning against the banister. “Any idea on openers? Or are you going to try to find local talent?” He questioned, his voice returning to a tone that wasn’t exactly relaxed, but definitely more casual.

“It’s all good. I mean, aside from the insanity –” Arkin didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to have brunch, sit over a plate while the clatter of the restaurant slammed against his headache. Ah, but he owed Titan. He figured it was better to be a friend than to flake on meeting up with him again. It wasn’t like the man didn’t have better things to do. In terms of Carly, he wanted to avoid the subject. He pressed his fingers between the bread against his place, tearing it into smaller pieces. “How about you? You’ve been locked into your album?”

“Yeah, Ji Nee told me about that shit. She seemed worried.” He mumbled, shrugged. It was clear to Titan that Arkin had better things to do, as evidenced by his seemingly inability to eat the food he was picking at, but Titan was still trying to figure out how to go about their relationship. Arkin had, after all, managed to get the law off him since he was out of prison; he wasn’t sure how to repay the other man. “Trying to, man.” He shifted, thankful they hadn’t landed on the Carly topic for too long. Was it his place to talk about that? “Y’know how that shit is. Can’t force it or anything.” His broad shoulders shrugged again - Arkin probably had no idea how that shit is. 

She dropped her gym bag on the floor. The gym bag she had to buy especially for this and carried the clothes she didn’t even think she was going to need. In all honesty, she should have known that a gym was in her future, but it was something she’d been hoping to avoid. “You want me to do what?” she asked, the picture of disbelief. She had almost thrown a punch at him before but she didn’t know it was him. 

She tried to logic this out in her head. He was standing with his hands up, an open invitation. It was training. He flat out told her to punch him as hard as she could. Which, really, wouldn’t be very hard when she’d never thrown a punch in her life and had done absolutely zero hours of muscle building. “Where? The face? The stomach?” She doubted he would even feel it. 

With a chuckle, Titan steadied his stance. He’d been hit plenty of times before. Growing up in Detroit, roughhousing was commonplace, but actual fighting was as normal as brushing your teeth; it was just a part of his life. He was sure that a hit from Fern, tiny as she is, would be nothing compared to what he’d endured in his formative years. 

“Stomach.” The rapper finally answered. Even though all of Fern’s might probably couldn’t even leave a mark on his skin, Titan didn’t want to take the chance of her fist catching his nose or a tooth wrong. “Don’t be afraid, you won’t hurt me. I promise.”

                     Bryce had plenty to ask, questions that were ones that had popped up over the years with Titan’s disappearance and only came back as he strode back onto the scene. But something stopped him as the awkwardness was palpable and left him wondering where they stood at all as he glanced away for a moment. “It’s uh, it’s going, you know? With the show ending soon, there’s going to be a lot more time opening up for me and right now I’m in the… what did they call it, the development and research stage of my career?” He snorted under his breath at repeating the words that his team had given him when people asked what he was going to do next and to them it sounded better than an I don’t know. “Maybe act. Maybe not. It’s all up in the air now.”

“Research and development.” Titan chuckled. When he was first released from prison, he seemed to be floating in that strange medium as well. He wanted to rap, of course, but his management wanted something, in their words, ‘more wholesome’ for the musician. Hence, attending events, donating money, etc. He’d brought up acting on more than one occasion, but no one felt it was the right path for him. Maybe they actually knew what they were talking about. “Hey, at least you’ll be used to cameras, yeah?” He shrugged and chuckled, glancing around the room. Had it always been this awkward between them? “How’s your sister?”

@titanstime

“A gym?” she asked incredulously, eyebrows raised as she looked up at building. She had taken Titan up on his offer to teach her how to defend herself and she supposed that she had to be in shape to do that. But she really didn’t want to work out. Regardless, she stepped inside the building, rolling her neck out and dropping the gym bag she had bought especially for this at her feet. “Okay, so … what’s first?”

Yoga, hopefully. The kind where they laid down for an hour and took a nap. Fern could be down for that. But she didn’t get her hopes up.

“Yes, a gym.” He nodded and pulled open the door for them to enter. Titan had taken it upon himself to teach Fern to defend herself. After all the chaos at that event, it felt like the least he could do - he was ready to protect her that night, who’s to say she’ll be lucky enough next time? He pulled off his hoodie adjusted his t-shirt, arching his back and stretching out his muscles. 

“Punch me.” He grinned. Titan held his hands open, almost as if he was surrendering to her. “As hard as you can. That’s what’s first.”

Memories of Titan were often swimming in Tasha’s mind. When a rare quiet moment arrived she found herself thinking of the past, embracing it and wholly rejecting it simultaneously. While things were good, oh, they were great. He was a rock, a large presence in which she let herself drown. He was gentle and patient with her sometimes erratic tendencies. They grew up in the same state and somehow found each other on the other side of the country. But, when things went bad, they were horrid. She found out she was pregnant a week into his prison sentence, and it hit her like a violent ocean wave. She couldn’t be a mother, wasn’t fit to be a mother, but he didn’t see that. They were at odds about the impending future, and selfishly she made what she thought was the final decision without him. It was the decision that ended their relationship. Guilt often creeped its way into her bones, because even Titan didn’t know the complete truth about their unborn child.

“That’s good, studio time is always so… “ she trailed off with a true smile flashing on her lips momentarily, thinking back to younger versions of themselves peering at each other through the studio glass. “Oh, yes actually. No one knows yet but I’m…” Tasha trailed off again, though this time because a feeling of dread was working its way up her spine. As she was talking to Titan, she had caught the eye of her manager, and he was now making his way towards the duo. Her demeanor shifted immediately, eyes were cast downward in a mixture of shame and fear, her manager Martin, being the source of it all. “Titan, good to see you again man”, he breezed out easily, extending his left hand forward for a shake. Slowly he leaned down to whisper into Tasha ear, the color draining from her face briefly as he spoke. With another flashing smile directed towards Titan, he was gone as quickly as he came.

“A tour, I’m going on tour again soon”, she found her voice again, eyes raising back to meet Titan’s awaiting features.

Sometimes, Titan missed her. The time they had spent together could be described as bliss. She’s become such a constant in his life that even being put into prison, when they were still ‘happy’, tore him apart. Having every conversation timed, every meeting monitored; it killed Titan. It wasn’t until the she told him about the baby, the one that she had already made plans for because ‘what kind of child deserves to have an absent father’? Part of Titan knew she was right. He grew up in a shitty home, a house that wasn’t conducive to any kind of love or affection… But maybe that’s why he wanted to prove himself as a father so terribly.

When Tasha told him that the child was no more, he was thankful for the excuse to never see her. The four walls that restrained him had become walls of protection. There was no media presence and the whole situation was kept completely underwraps. To this day, he’s sure that there are only two people who know about it; himself and Tasha. It was exactly how he wanted it, no one else needed to know. Titan was positive that if the media somehow got a hold of this story, everyone would publicly call out both of them for something. That’s how it always seemed to be, huh? Someone was always mad at something.

When her manager approached, Titan shifted. His stance was no long comfortable or familiar. Instead, his shoulders were pushed back, his face had turned into a stern expression and his lips had pressed into a thin line. He caught the other’s hand in a shake, but there was an air of forced pleasantries between them. The rapper opted to say nothing, instead pulling one corner of his lips into a obligatory smile.

It wasn’t until he finally walked away that Titan turned back to Tasha. Was it his place to ask what he’d said to her? He couldn’t help but worry about her; for fuck’s sake, she was the only person he’d ever love. Some feelings never go away. “A tour?” He chose to focus on the more innocent topic, for simplicity’s sake. “That’s great, Tasha. When are you going to announce it?”

Titan’s backyard was an oasis. Albeit, an oasis they could walk around within a matter of minutes, but it was lush. The trees and bushes gave them a cover from the sun and any lurkers. Ji Nee went there since her house was out of the question. They walked together with ease. They learned how to walk without Titan running her around the grass, and without Ji Nee making him crawl. When he broke the silence, she looked up over her sunglasses. “Nope,“ Ji Nee said with a light pop. "She’s smart. Really smart, actually. At my old house she hacked into my security cameras. This time, she paid someone to do her dirty work and set up the room.” Saying it out loud made Ji Nee shrug. She spent hours thinking about all of these things, so much so that she managed to tell people without sounding terrified. “You’ve had similar things happen. How did you handle them?”

“Mostly just hired more security.” Titan shrugged. He knew it wasn’t the answer she was looking for, as it was quite obvious, and yet it worked for him. Granted, overly obsessed fans had only been a problem as of late. He often forgets that he was only moderately famous when he was first incarcerated. The rapper’s time in prison was when his popularity seemed to sky-rocket. Now? Well, now he has a head of security, and truthfully Titan has more things to worry about than speaking to officer. He figures that the silence is golden; no news is good news, right? “I think they’ve sent out false tips. Like with my hotels and shit, but I can’t remember. Honestly, Ji Nee, I think we just scared the shit out of them. Threaten them, all that fun stuff.”

The reaction was instant. His voice carried like a tone from behind Tasha, her hands tensing and her eyes closing, desperately trying to wash away the memories that flooded her brain. There were tears, muddy glass and grey walls, silence, yelling, and blood. As quickly as it came, so it was gone. Tasha willed her body to process a small amount of calm as she turned to face Titan, his presence as large as ever. His features were the same, yet oh so different. Strange how you could have been so close to someone before, only to feel like a stranger in their eyes later. Still, she was happy he was no longer in prison and seemed to be doing well for himself. Though, looks can always be deceiving.

“Six months” she said aloud, admitting that she was counting. “Life is… just fine, thanks. How about you? Things going okay?” she asked with sincerity, yet with the false smile she had painted on her lips thousands of times before.

Although approximately 182 days had came and went since their paths last cross, Titan found himself contemplating that number. Had it really been 6 months? Torn between disbelief that it had been so long and confusion because it felt like so much longer, the rapper shrugged it off. Tasha was his past, and though sometimes remembering the time they’d spent together made the nostalgia strong, he was intent on remembering that. Some things are unforgivable. 

“That’s good,” he mumbled, unsure what kind of response she was looking for. “It’s okay. I’m finally back in the studio. I have some shit coming out soon.” Titan nodded, again, this time slower. Even being near Tasha brought emotions that he wasn’t sure how to process. “Are you working on anything lately?”