TinyWritingBean

Dudley, age 14 and realizing his mother’s Loving-but-Ill-advised cooking is setting him up for some serious health problems, and that he’s tall enough to look his dad in the eye now, so his previous rationale of “If he’s hitting Harry he’s not Hitting Me” doesn’t hold up now, and goes full Eye of The Tiger to cope.

This means Sirus gets dragged along on a lot of Parent-avoiding “Walkies”

So many that one evening after a fight Dudley is trying to round up Harry and Sirius for a cooldown run and Sirius groans “Oh you’re big lads you can jog to the tesco on your own.” from the couch There’s a hot moment of silence.

“He’s a Magic Dog.” Says Harry.

“What do you mean your dog is a 40-year-old man?” “What do you mean your Dad’s BFF?” “What do you mean convicted criminal?” What do you mean WIZARD HITLER WANTS YOUR HIDE??” “..Shit I gotta up my workout routine.” “You’re not gonna punch Voldermort out Dudley.” “Not with these wimpy biceps I won’t.”

Shit’s getting increasingly tense in the house so when Ron announces they have tickets to the Quidditch World Cup Harry has to ask “Hey, can Dudley come too?”

Dudley might be short on wizarding skills but one thing he’s learned at Fancy rich boy School is the art of Schmooze.  They meet Corneilus Fudge and Dudley charms the hell out of him. Fudge doesn’t even realize he’s not a Wizard.   Harry tries to impress upon him the ‘VOLDERMORT’S ALIVE WITH A CULT DIPSHIT” upon him and nearly ends up in tears before Dudley takes his arm and whispers “Let me Handle This.”

Thirty minutes later Corneilus is organizing a Task Force of Aurors. 

“What the fuck do they teach you there?” asks Harry. “Oh, buttering egos, Trigonometry, grift, the usual.” “What’s Trigonometry?” Asks Ron, walking with them on a field trip through Muggle London for Nandos.  Dudley’s Uncle “Gerald White” is supervising them it’s fine. Dudley stares for a moment. “You guys… are learning math, along with your Divination and Transmorfigication and whatsits, right?” There is an awkward silence. Even Sirius considers morphing back into a dog to avoid this conversation. “Oh for fucks sake.” Sighs Dudley, texting Hermionie to see if she brought her Muggle textbooks along.

(She Did)

“What’s trigonometry?” some pureblood at the World Cup asks him. “It’s a variant of arithmancy,” says Harry, who’s become somewhat adept at bullshitting translations between magical and muggle things when the incentive was avoiding Aunt Marge’s wrath.

Nobody’s ever heard of trigonometry except for one elderly pureblood witch, who had heard it mentioned once back in school by a classmate who went on to become a famous name in advanced and extremely theoretical arithmancy.

Everybody loses no time in agreeing that trigonometry must be this tremendously advanced arithmancy specialization and Dudley Dursley must be an absolute arithmancy prodigy to the point where even the arithmancy buffs don’t want to risk making themselves look stupid by asking him about his research.

OBVIOUSLY Dudley goes to some extremely foreign wizarding school with an advanced research program available. There can’t be many of them with an advanced “trigonometry” program like that, so nobody asks which school it is because what if there’s only one of them and they look stupid for not knowing about it?

Besides, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, is giving him the time of day like he’s someone really important, so, yeah.

Oh, yeah, he’s definitely the type of absent-minded brilliance that forgets his wand regularly, head in the clouds with all those theorems.

Dudley actually takes up computer programming at Smeltings. He tried it out because he likes video games, and then sort of fell in love with the process, the building something up out of lines of code, the thrill of success when it works. The awestruck reactions of wizards who see a couple of his notebooks when he sits there scribbling out code on a spiralbound notebook with a ballpoint pen is almost tangible.

The ballpoints and the notebooks take some suspicion for their muggleness until Harry points out that you don’t need to pay attention to how much ink is left and when you need to dip it, so it’s perfect for somebody who might want to scribble out whole pages of that stuff without noticing whether they’ve run out of ink, and the notebooks have pages so you could remember where something is. Pretty soon quill-tipped ballpoints are all the rage and spiralbound parchment stacks are being sold in all the stores.

Somebody asks Dudley about his family history. “Oh, they’ve all been like me,” he says, “as far back as anybody remembers” and he means not-a-wizard, but everybody thinks the opposite.

His father is blustery and yells and prone to explosive bursts of anger, he says, and his mother is obsessed with cleanliness and etiquette, and everyone is perfectly happy to never suggest they’d like to meet them.

Once Dudley figures out that everyone thinks he’s a wizard, he and Harry have a solid laugh over it and Harry teaches Dudley what he’d need to know to continue the deception. Fred and George are brought into the equation and provide him with lots of cool tricks and such so that he can appear to do some small bits of magic now and again.

He eventually marries Daphne Greengrass, who knows about his muggleness at that point and loves the idea of getting one over on her overly bloodpurist parents without them ever knowing about it. Harry and Sirius quietly gift them Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, and the assumption that Dudley has the sort of money that buys a historic Pureblood property as a starter home goes round and round.

“all the pureblood dipshits tithed thier land and holdings to Voldemort so when Harry kills him, all the assets go to him and now he owns half of wizarding UK.”

Are they really lost, or did they just want to hang out...?

Bonus:

What are y’all’s headcannons?

- Ingo has only been in Hisui a little over a year. The rift opened around that time and Jubilife has been there for 2 years

- Dawn/Akari doesn’t remember anything either. The reason they don’t is cause it can creat time paradox’s

- Meli and Ingo are BESTIES. Something about Meli reminds him of home (unknowingly the chaotic nature of Elesa and Emmet)

- Meli cares so much about Pokémon. I can see why he says that about the lights in the caves.

- He’s a lot more calmer when the situation isn’t stressed. He just acts like a jerk when worried to hide it

- He and Ingo didn’t get along at first but they do so much that even after Ingo is gone he keeps his promise to keep some lights up. Also named his first son after Ingo

- Meli is one of the best Wardens

- Wardens live near their nobles to be able to serve them better. So they really get along with their other clan counterpart

- The many times love became between two is so high. But rarely spoken about

- A  famine killed off most of the adults the year before Ingo came. Most likely why Ingo was allowed as Warden. And why a new leader and multiple wardens were needed suddenly. They are buried in the graveyard in the highlands

- Ingo is also Lian’s unofficial big brother. He is a big brother and unconsciously projected onto Lian

- Lian is like Meli. Putting up a front cause he’s scared. But also?! One of the most competent Wardens

- Lian and Meli bond after Ingo is gone cause they miss him

- Lady Sneasler has kits every few year, some were born when Akari fell

- Ingo has poison immunity cause danger babies

- After Akari caught Arceus their memories started returning and he said they had to go home

- Ingo just. Started sobbing cause “omfg I forgot the people most important to me. Emmet is my 1/2 I need him” he doesn’t want to leave but they do

- The Proffesor came up with a idea to make scrapbook type things for each of them. Filled with notes written by friends and and pictures

- Akaris is filled to the brim. Ingos more of Pear clan. Tho Meli wrote the most touching thing and demanded several pics for them to keep

- They wrote letters in return

- Ingo made sure to get a ink stamp of his Lady and some danger babies. Plus pics

- Jokes on him. When he told her he was leaving she immediately internally went “when WE leave”

- She showed up to the goodbye with a basket full of food. Babies and a claw. Followed by some of her older children. Everyone was confused. Then she handed a claw to one of her daughters. Pushed her to Irida and bowed. Showing she’s passing on the title to her daughter. She then stood by Ingo linked arms and basically her face said “I fucking dare you to challenge me. He is my scrungly baby man”

- She tries to groom him like one would a baby. Had done the cat Blep to the forehead meme we have all seen

- They took their Pokémon with them home

- Arceus sent them back. Same amount of time that passed in the past. Past in the present. They landed in Sinnoh

- Dawn cried in her mothers arms. Emmet was sobbing the whole plane ride over. Elesas hand in his the whole time ( twins are asexual. Their one and only love is trains and battles )

- Emmet was a wreck the whole time Ingo was gone. Elesa and the depot agents are what kept him sane

- Mustache man is Mustache Dad.

- Elesa and twins are childhood friends

- She had lesbian Moms and basically moved in with Emmet cause both didn’t want to be alone

- When the door opened and Emmet came into the room. Suddenly boom. Collision they ran to each other so fast they fell over

- Dawn going “WOW you really do look alike”

- “wait! Your only 29?!?!?! I thought you were 50” Ingo thought that to cause he didn’t know his age

- She calls them uncles

- Ingo and Emmet have NOT stopped holding hands and Elesa refuses to be away from her boys. Cue Cuddle pile at night

- Lady Sneasler was like that baby who was confused by her dad having a twin. She sniffed him and was like “aawwwww yeeeee second scrungly baby” and “aw sick! A shiny version!” She Blepped his face and he was horrified while Ingo laughed at him

- They have a house in Nimbasa. They are subway bosses. They make that dough. Ingo sleeps in Emmets room cause they miss each other and she took over his bedroom while they turned a storage room into hers cause she wants to raise her babies there. And refuses to be in a pokeball tho allowed it once to be registered

- babies grow up to be extremely popular and helps bring the species back cause some leave to go live in a facility in Sinnoh. Lady Sneasler does not leave him tho

- JOLTIKS EVERYWHERE EMMET STOP

- Emmet took away Earthquake while Ingo was gone. Ingo brought it back

- Ingo cried while on break his first day back at work cause he missed it

- The Twins and Elesa are world wide famous cause of her being a model and them being scary strong plus running the battle facility of l Unova

- Dawn suddenly remembering she idolizes them and goes OMFG

- They have YouTube.

- Emmet says Fuck. Ingo won’t. ( he has once and never lived it down

- Both do not give a fuck. Do not misbehave on the train.

- Dawn comes to do the Unova badge cricut. Will ride the trains for fun

- Emmet and Ingo. While in that cuddle pile slept well for the first time in a long time

[Sunday Sillies]

Elesa learns about American Unovan Football and Peanuts all in one day + bonus Emmet and Ingo reading their weekly Sunday comics.

My Other Kid Nimbasa Trio || Kid Submas Content

I see and cry over Zorua/Zoroark preying on Ingo and I would like to counter offer Ingo Could Spot An Illusion/Shapeshifter On Sight. Settlement security and sense of safety skyrockets clan membership earned at record speed. probably rumors for a while that Ingo himself is a pokemon, he’s certainly weird enough to be. but when Laventon finally manages to hit him from behind with a pokeball it doesn’t work so… they’re pretty sure Ingo’s not a pokemon

[NEW KID]

Jumping off the paper boys HC, some more submas kids featuring new kid on the block, Elesa

Thinking her and her family moved from Kanto to Unova when she was really young, and they moved to Emmet and Ingo’s neighborhood later on. Nobody warned her not to open her door till the news was delivered.

Baby Submas! Headcanon that they were paper boys when they were little, to earn some money and get supplies for when they could go out and get pokemon! Emmet’s the only one that can ride the bike well, but Ingo’s got a great arm and is good at boosting morale (and he gets the whistle) so it all works out. Everyone in the neighborhood is waken up early with a train whistle and a loud thud on their door every morning, always punctual and always with enthusiasm. (pt.2 with elesa)

Bonus Ingo saying no-no words under cut:

Your Pokemon Try Setting You Up

FANDOM: Pokemon: Legends of Arceus

Character(s): Adaman

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): This is super cute!!

I can definitely see it as a thing where you two are on the opposites side of camp. Adaman is lecturing Mellie about something and you're doing your own thing when your poke's decide that they're bored.

They run off, which neither of you mind since you know they can take care of themselves. But they really just run off to meet the other and come up with ideas.

Next thing you know, your clothes are being yanked on by your Vaporeon to get you moving someplace and Leafeon is doing the same to Adaman, which causes you both to be confused as to why they're acting that way.

The two of you end up meeting at some spot that has different berries piled onto a blanket. You both end up laughing a bit at it since it's obvious the Pokemon tried to set something up. 

It’d be so fucking funny if Ingo remembers everything because his brother swore in front of his boss

BONUS:

You also can’t tell me that Emmet doesn’t know the top-trainers and champions from other regions. Ingo too, by extension, because there’s no way that they’re going to let different pokemon and trainers from different regions completely blindside them.

shippers don’t interact! they’re brothers ! thank u