It was all the blandish love that I fell for. Was I stupid enough to fall for the love that will very soon change like the harsh storm wind? Can I not expect the so-called heart-melting 'feeling' to be the same as it was before? It is quite hard to acknowledge the fact that the person who means the world to you suddenly acts like a stranger. Sometimes I feel like I have something less in me that fails my vision of life.
But I am okay, to be very honest with myself. Neither I mind nor do I complain about this situation. I am surviving this embarrassment by myself, and I am trying hard to be patient. Maybe the panacea for my woes is to keep trying and to be patient. I thought love was supposed to be easy, breezy romance, but it turns out to be distressing madness. I always try to make him happy, but he doesn’t realise it. I never fell for his face; I truly fell for the loyalty that he showed me once, but now I see absolutely zero loyalty in him. I wish to stay happy with him forever. I wish he never says anything to me that will break my heart and secretly pour my tears so that he cannot see. How can I express how much trust I have for him? Maybe that is what helps me smile with the pain that I carry inside my heart. I try to correct him when he is doing something wrong, not because I am correct; it’s because I want him to be happy so that no one hurts him. I try to be a shield around him so that he can grow into the dreams he saw in his childhood. But sometimes he doesn’t realise my protection, my support, my smile, my gaze.. nothing.
He never loved anyone. I am his first love, and he is my first too. Now I doubt it. This is a lie. I thought I would only love one man in my life, but I am just a pathetic, hopeless person who dreams about the impossible. As his one and only (which I think I am) i tried my best and always will. I believe he will be a successful man not only by wealth but also by heart. A heart that will have love for his wife and children, a heart that will help others, a heart that will never lie, backbite, or break trust. A heart that beats for the Almighty. A heart that will only hold a place for his wife. I wish that he will have a heart filled with pure love and be truly submissive to God. And through this beautiful heart, God will reward him. I know that. He never lies, never will, and will not break my trust. I know that. I will help him grow, and I know he will change his behaviour towards me and never accuse me of anything out of the blue that hurts me to death. The habits he has, which are not good for him, will help him realise that whatever he is doing is wrong for him and his future.
Rest assured, I will not give up on you. That is who I am. That is how vast my horizon for love is. But if you see me standing still, know that you have failed miserably. That means you are no longer worthy of my time. My time is very valuable to me. You are not worthy of my care, compassion, trust, loyalty, commitment, respect, and, most importantly, my soul. If I am inflicted with hate for you, I hope Almighty blesses you from the pain that I will narrate to Him.
I hope this day will never come. I hope the little blessing I am carrying inside me is not suffering like me. So, please be patient; I am always beside you to help, support, and love you.
Maybe there are more things I want to write, but for now, up to this.
